Lost Secrets (BWWM)

Chapter Fourteen

The night of the séance, Warin held me through the night and comforted me as I cried. I cried for what I'd lost, for what I'd stripped away from myself, and for what I'd snatched away from others. I'd cried away my guilt, my shame, but I'd only touched the tip of the iceberg on the pain I felt. He'd stayed all night, even when I had another nightmare. He just woke me up and played with my hair while whispering soothing words to me until I fell asleep again. I thought the next morning when I awoke that things would be okay between us again. At the very least cordial but it's like seeing me at a low just made things worse between us. The past week we've fought like cats and dogs. For the first time my home feels like a prison.

It's getting to the point where I can't stand to even look at him. All week everything he's said or done I've had a problem with it and I let it be known, that is until today. Today, I've been as agreeable as they come because I realized one thing, he likes to argue. The look in his eyes when we fight is a mix between turned on and infuriated and quite frankly I'm tired of seeing it. It's been smooth sailing all day and I can tell it's eating him up. I'm not sure why he likes to fight so much but I for one won't be aiding in his thrill chase, not after he finessed me into thinking we were cool again only to rip the rug out from beneath me and definitely not after he made me feel so cheap and dirty the other night – I haven't forgotten.

My mind, however, has been pretty preoccupied with everything my parents told me on the night of the séance. I knew my connection to my coven was strong but to know that I'm someone's doppelganger – that's next level. I haven't looked at the registry yet and checked out Great Aunt Sabine, I'm just not ready. If I see her face, my face, staring back at me from the pages...I just don't know. Seeing that would make it real and that just makes everything with Marion so much more layered. Did she know I was Sabine's double when we first met? Is that why she did what she did to me? She had to have known. She had to have tracked my parents down, had to have been plotting on us, planning our deaths so she could finally tap into the magic that almost got her killed those years ago. If I was targeted then maybe none of this is my fault, maybe just maybe the guilt I feel can be lessened even a fraction. A chill goes down my spine at the thought, the idea that I could be free of the weight on my chest nearly brings me to tears.

My brain feels like it's swimming. There are so many thoughts in my head, scrambling around like mice. My emotions are all over the place – they have been since the séance. Initially I thought I was just having some complications from falling down but after performing a healing spell on myself, nothing changed. I've been going from one extreme to the other emotionally and my thoughts feel cluttered, almost like when I first discovered I could read minds. It was beyond overwhelming initially, I felt like I was losing my mind. Eventually, with some practice, I was able to train my ability to bend to my will rather than attaching to every passing brain. Now, however, I feel like I'm sixteen again, struggling to decipher which thoughts are mine and who the others belong to.

"I'm going out," Warin informs me as he walks into the kitchen.

Quickly, I yank myself out of my head and focus on being in the moment. I guess the bump to my head reset my ability or something so I'll have to retrain my mind.

Instead of replying I look back at him from the fridge I've held open for the past few minutes, acknowledge his presence, then wordlessly turn back to the fridge. Pulling items out to make a sandwich, I turn to see him still standing at the doorframe.

"Don't wait up," he says, looking at me as I sit down my items before going to the cabinet to grab the bread.

I can feel his annoyance grow the more I ignore him and have to stop myself from grinning at my childish game. I can tell by the look on his face when I head back to the counter with the bread that he's expecting a fight. Little does he know, I won't be giving him one.