Breathe. Just breathe.
I stare into the crowd of people, watching them sprint across the parking lot to their friends, laughing and smiling in the process. As if they don't have a care in the world.
Most flutter up the steps of the school, arms looped with their companions and ready to brace the day. Some others stay behind and make up - with what I presume is their girlfriend/boyfriend - those precious moments of the weekend they've been away from one another.
I feel sick just watching as they whisper to one another and press brief pecks to their partners lips. I almost envy them. That they're so gleefully happy while I'm miserable. I realize it's incredibly childish once they disappear from my sight and up the stairs to our high school.
I've never been more tempted to run away till now.
It's because I'm not ready. As cowardly as it sounds, I don't want to face the never ending questions on what happened. And why it looks like I've been ran over by a truck.
I don't want to tell Anna some stupid lie. I don't want to face her while she's with her new found friend's and boyfriend. I don't wan't her stupid pity. I don't want her to pretend like everything is completely fine when it isn't. I don't want any of it.
The thing I actually do want is to go home. Crawl under my bed sheets and hide away from the world.
And maybe I would've. That is, if it weren't for Liam.
He had made me to get up this morning, even as I made horrid excuses. Such as I had suddenly contracted swine flu.
I pretended like it hurt to walk too. Liam was incredibly heartless, really. He didn't fall for any of my acts.
He told me to face my fears. So I am. Or well, being forced to.
I kinda resented him for it.
Because of him, I'm going to have to see Adam. That's what's really been haunting my thoughts lately. Though it's no shock.
I'm anxious. To see what he says, does. Everything.
I had even formed up some silly speech in my head. About how I'd tell him off and call him a monster. And maybe, for dramatic effect, I'd slap him. God knows how much I would like to do that.
I had convinced myself I was done with wagging a finger at him as if he was some naughty child. I was going to take action. No matter the consequences.
I go to push open the door, to burst through with my new found coinfendence, but just as quick as it came, it goes.
"I can't do this," I say with a shake of my head. "I'm not ready."
I turn to Liam who sits in the driver's seat, completely composed and appearing nonchalant. I almost want him to panic like I do so I won't feel so alone. And well, weak.
"Yeah, you can," He replies firmly and yanks his keys out of the ignition. "And you will."
"But what if-" I begin, but Liam quickly cuts me off.
"Don't you want to rub it in Adam's face that not even what happened could get beat you down?"
I make a face at his choice of words, "Is that supposed to be a pun or something?"
"Sorry," He grimaces. "Poor choice of words, I know."
I shrug softly. It's not exactly my biggest issue at the moment. The only thing I'm worrying about is how I'm going to get through the day. And all the questions.
