You've Only Just Arrived (a Tom Hiddleston fan fiction)

Part 78

  Previously in YOJA: Christmas with Matt, and now New Year's Eve spent in London with both Matt and Benedict. If you didn't know better you might think that they were deliberately trying to keep you in and around the city. But you do know better. Honestly, at this point you're willing to accept whatever help your friends might offer in the hopes that your life will bounce back and begin to resume being something akin to normal. 

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The little heaters on the patio are running full blast and taking some of the chill out of the air if you stand close enough, allowing Ben's New Years guests to have a little fun with sparklers before running back inside. You wouldn't have expected such out of doors festivities in London at this time of year, maybe back home, but sparklers are undeniably a New Years activity and a welcome surprise. Another welcome surprise – arriving to find Villy answering the door alongside Ben. At least someone within your social circle has found happiness in love.

You hold your sparkler, your own shard of light, careful to keep the brilliant burning thing from touching any of the other guests nearby. It would be easy to become mesmerized by its brilliance but that option is dangerous. Dangerous, too, is focusing too hard on where you were at this time last year. Had you been working? Asleep? Out with friends, or no? So far as you can remember you were enjoying a semi-quiet night... certainly not hiding-but-not-hiding from friends, the very selfsame friends that had invited you here. You close your eyes as the sparkler continues to burns towards it's end, sending up a silent few words into the night sky: God, may the new year be better.

Better? It's so easy to let your failed relationship with Tom overshadow everything and turn your entire concept of the year to shit. But... but this current moment you're in isn't bad, certainly. Ok you've been nursing a wounded heart lately, that doesn't mean the whole year should be discounted. There had been trials throughout, sure, but it started on a high note and built from there. Winning the award? Meeting...

Tom.

He isn't here, which stirs up a curious blend of reactions within you. You haven't had quite enough to drink to put on a brave face and continue the conversation with Benedict, asking after Tom. He swore his invitation was on the level, that it hadn't been a setup to try to get his pair of friends in the same place at the same time. Maybe later. Maybe never. Maybe fighting against your heart is too exhausting right now.

Hopefully Tom is with his family, or perhaps out with a few old friends and enjoying the night just like you are... You exhale, fighting off the stab of sorrow that you're not celebrating with him, and refocus on your sparkler. It's gone out. Time to head back inside, then, seek out another drink and find Villy, or Laura, or Matt, or Ben, and count down the time remaining of the year. Without Tom.

"Tom."

The mention of his name slows your turn from the pile of spent and discarded sparklers. You'd heard it come from inside. Was someone greeting him? Is he here? It had only been spoken the once. Not an echoed chorus of salutations. Maybe it was your mind playing tricks, brings Tom's name to your ears through the smatterings of chatter and laughter of the guests as though a phantom ringtone in a crowded room.

No. No that wasn't it at all. Someone nearby is talking about your ex, sending a jolt, a chill, and a spike of adrenaline running through you all at once. No, it's a conversation behind held near the open door connecting the house to the rooftop patio. Slowing your steps, you shallow your breathing and listen for all you're worth cause you know the pair speaking, thinking their words are masked by the surrounding party: Matt, and Ben.

"Yea, talked to him yesterday."

"Yea?"

Benedict makes a low, rumbled noise of affirmation. "Mmmm."