Wild Magic One: By the Light of the Moon-- A Wolf Shifter M/M Romance

29- Dirty Secret

**TRIGGER WARNING**

EDON

The man's cock was thick in my mouth, his smell rancid and sour. His hands were everywhere, his teeth biting and drawing blood. His dry fingers were pressing inside of me, three at once, as I tried not to vomit on his dick.

I glanced over at Lacy whenever I could and was relieved when she remained curled in a ball, her hands clasped over her ears and her face buried in her knees. She had sung for a few minutes, but her voice was trailing off now and I knew she had to hear us. The wet slaps of the man's skin against my face as he thrust his cock into my mouth. The gagging I tried to keep quiet as he forced himself down my throat. His panting, wheezing breaths as he opened me up for him.

At first I tried to picture Lhiam as I sucked the man down. Tried to imagine that it was him holding my body, preparing me gently for his entrance. Tried to imagine that I was giving Lhiam pleasure with my mouth. But every time the man thrust inside of me, and I tasted my own blood dripping down my throat from his violence, Lhiam's image shattered and I was alone on a bed that smelled of blood, and I was again a dirty whore for a man to use.

The man finally pulled his cock from my mouth and I hastily grabbed his wet cock, pressing him to my entrance, and began to bear down on it.

"Good boy," he growled, biting my nipple harshly and drawing a sob from my throat. "Such a good cock slut for me."

I felt blood trickle down my ass as the man pressed himself past the first ring of muscle, but then, just as he sighed in pleasure, he jerked, yanking from my body. And then he was gone, and I sat up, confused.

The man was on the ground, surrounded by his quickly pooling blood. Tate was lifting the still-sobbing Lacy into his arms, his hooded eyes dangerous, and Lhiam stood above the man, his chest heaving, his body covered in blood. It dripped from his hair, his armor, and the huge broadsword he was pulling from our attacker's body.

"Edon," he groaned, and then I was wrapped in his cloak and then his arms, and I felt my entire body give out as I melted into him.

"Lhiam," I sobbed, digging my face into his chest. He held me so tightly it was almost painful. I felt a small trickle of blood drip down my throat, and another down my thighs. "I'm so sorry, Lhiam. I didn't... I didn't know what else to do. I had to... to protect Lacy, I had to—"

"Gods above, Edon," Lhiam growled, yanking my body up so I was straddling his waist, my legs wrapped around his back tightly, as he continued to hold me to him. "Stop fucking apologizing for sacrificing yourself and saving lives!"

Lhiam turned with me in his arms, ducking out of the tent and stalking up to Tate and Lacy. Lacy caught sight of Lhiam and ran at him. Without letting me go, he pulled the girl into a half-hug.

"Thank you, Lhiam. Thank you, Edon!" she was whispering, over and over, her face pressed against the cloak that covered my body.

"Why the hell were you outside of the castle in the middle of the night, Lacy?!" Lhiam yelled as he finally let me down so he could grab Lacy's shoulders. I could feel and hear the men around us gathering up the bodies of what I assumed were mercenaries or robbers, but I tuned them out.

After everything, I was back to where I had been.

"You not only put yourself in danger, you put Edon in danger! You both could have been killed, and Edon had to—" His voice broke, and I had to pull away from his embrace when he tried to reach for me again. He glanced my way, but he seemed content that I was still beside him because he turned his attention back on Lacy.

"I'm sorry, Lhiam," the girl sobbed, but I gently grabbed Lhiam's arm. He turned to me, concern and fear heady in his eyes.

"It was me," I whispered. Tate, Robert, Nibley, Dasan, and Cain all stood around us, trying not to look like they were listening, but staying near in case there was further danger. "Lacy was just following me. It's my fault."

"Dammit Edon," Lhiam hissed, his frustration now directed at me as Lacy sobbed even harder. Tate held the girl against his chest, his suspicious eyes on me. "What were you doing in the middle of the night? If you're going to run around at night, at least—"

"I wasn't ru—... I was leaving, Lhiam. I was leaving the keep, and Lacy followed me."

Lacy hiccupped, and I could hear heartbreak in the sound. But what hit me harder was the look on Lhiam's face.

Confusion turned to frustration, then to realization and when the pain visibly hit him I almost doubled over as the sight nearly took me to the earth. And the smell as he took a step back, his eyes shading, darkening, his right hand clutching the armored tunic at his chest, made me dizzy.

I had never smelled pain so potent.

"You were leaving me...? Last night... that was you saying goodbye...?"

When his hand jerked up, almost seemingly involuntarily, to reach for my face, I flinched and hoped he didn't notice. I wanted so much to push myself into his arms, beg his forgiveness, and let him take me back to his room. Enfold me in his warm, safe arms, and never let me leave.

But the feel of his skin on mine in that moment would have been torture. Especially with another man's bite marks covering my body, blood trickling slowly down my thighs, and the taste of pre-cum and blood still on my tongue.

And with the knowledge that it would again be the last time I felt his touch.

Of course he noticed.

His face hardened, his eyes narrowing as he clenched his fist and dropped it to his side. "I had no idea my touch was so abhorrent to you. Why didn't you tell me? I never would have...!" His voice broke, and horror wafted off of him, along with the smell of bile as it rose to his throat. "All of this time... everything we did...Was it because you felt sorry for me? Because you felt indebted to me? Did you want any of it?"

I won't be a kept whore; a dirty secret, I wanted to say, but I kept my mouth shut. I couldn't say it. I wouldn't let myself be weak in front of him. I had to be strong. Because I didn't know if I could deny him if he asked me to stay despite my pain.

When I didn't answer, Lhiam's eyes darkened wholly, and his lips thinned. His hands clenched into fists, and a dark sort of calm came over his body.

"At least come back and get treatment for your injuries. You're injured," he said, his voice devoid of emotion as his eyes raised above my head. As if he was finished with me, and he wouldn't deign to look at me anymore. "Please. I promise you won't have to see me. I'll stay away. Just come back, heal, and we'll make sure you're properly provisioned for—"

Before he could say another word; before his words could rip out any more of my heart; before he could convince me to come back with him, where I knew I would never again have the strength to leave the man I loved, I let his cloak drop, leapt into the air and shifted on a run.

As I dove into the brush around the campsite, my heart burst at Lhiam's voice, calling out my name with desperation.