Wild Magic One: By the Light of the Moon-- A Wolf Shifter M/M Romance

32- This is It

LHIAM

His broken sobs were tearing me apart, but I held myself in check. He didn't need or want me. He needed to be free of me. And this goodbye I had planned for him was meant to free him, to let him know he was loved, was worthy of love, so he could move on.

He clearly hadn't been taking care of himself over the last few weeks anymore than I had. His skin was pale, his eyes sunken and dull, with heavy purple underlining them. I could once again count each of his ribs, as they stuck out of his skin visibly, and his hands shook with hunger.

I was about to turn away, leaving him and my heart in the dirt behind me, when his broken words met my ears and I froze.

"I'm so sorry, Lhiam. I can't be your dirty secret," he whispered, the words sounding as if they were dragged from his very soul. "I tried. I even came back, but seeing you... with her. I can't. You can't... you can't ask that of me."

I turned back around, wanting to drop to my own knees at his confusing words.

"Edon, who? Who are you talking about? What secret?" I gasped as a picture began to form in my head. One so ludicrous I feared it just might be what he was thinking. "You think the entire castle doesn't know that I'm madly in love with you? You think they didn't know from the moment you arrived that I was wholly smitten?"

His sobs quieted for just a moment as he looked up at me, and then he was shaking his head, his chapped lips bleeding as he worried at them with his teeth.

"But Lhiam, Stefan and... and that princess. I saw you with her. And I saw the ring."

"My family wedding ring? You thought... You thought I was going to give it to her?"

Even for the moment I had debated marrying that woman, I had known she would never wear my grandmother's ring. No, in my mind, it would belong to Edon for the rest of my life, even though he would never accept it. It was his anyways. Because my heart was his anyways, whether he wanted or accepted it.

"Edon, I would never give this ring to her, even if I did, unholy gods not willing, marry her. I pulled the damn thing from the treasure room after..." I paused, unsure if I should continue. "I brought it out of storage after you let me inside of you for the first time, after you were injured to protect me. I wanted so much to give it to you. To ask you to be mine, but I feared... You had been through so much, and you were only just discovering yourself. You had only just found your freedom. I didn't want to take that away from you, but I also wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

Edon was silent so long, I feared the conversation was over. His questions had been answered and he could move on. We had both found some bit of closure. But then his hesitant, wet words made me want to yank him into my arms.

"You were going to ask me to marry you...?"

"I was. I was worried about it, because I feared you would decline it. That was why I kept waiting. But then you made love to me, or, at least, what I thought was you... That doesn't matter now." I sighed, shaking my head and trying to forget the night he had shaken me to my core, and then a day later, no, hours later, finding out it hadn't been to him what it had been to me. For me, it had been a new beginning, a moment that I thought our feelings had finally found their way to each other. For him, it had been his way of saying goodbye.

"The moment you pressed yourself inside of me I thought: this is it. It's always going to be him and no other. And then you were gone and I was left with only half a soul and a shattered heart."

"Lhiam..."

"No. It's ok. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to press myself or my feelings on you. I just want to be sure there are no misunderstandings, and I never want to lie to you. I never had any intentions of marrying the Princess of Namase. Not until after you left and I realized you had taken any hope of a future with you, so I figured why not her? But she never would have worn this ring. It was always meant for you, and I would see it on no other."