Silence. It swirls around you as you walk into the empty room with the showers. Your footsteps seeming to be the loudest noise against the hard cement prison floors.
Setting your towel and change of clothes to the side, you walk over to one of the sinks with a small mirrior hung on the wall. Looking up, as your hands grip the sides of the small white sink, your reflection stares blankly back at you.
It's as if the life was drained from your body. Leaving your skin pale, leaving your eyes red and blotchy, leaving your soul weak and alone. Your eyes scream the tears that you've cried and the sleep you ache to get. Your face holds expressions for each emotion beating harshly inside of your chest. The person looking back at you in the small smudged mirror is different than the person you saw a day ago.
One day did this. One day without him did this.
It wasn't that you hadn't expericed days without Daryl Dixon, you did. Every run he went on, leaving for a few days journey. But this was different. This was sudden. This was abrupt. There was no heads up. There was no goodbye. This was Daryl leaving.
A part of your heart was ripped out when Rick returned and told you he had left. That he went off with his brother. For Daryl held the largest part of your heart, and the moment he walked away he took it with him.
You understood what he did and why he did what he did, but it didn't make the pain any less real. Merle was his flesh and blood. The last of his family. But a part of you truly believed that you were his family now too. And he left you, just like that. Without a word, without a goodbye. And that wound would be a hard one to heal.
You didn't even realize you had begun to cry again, until you feel that familiar burn of tears trailing down your cheek. Looking up at yourself in the mirror again, you watch the single tear glide with a sting down your face. Marking your skin with the heartache beating inside of your chest.
Your eyes flutter from their still stance on the tear that fell from your eyes to the shadow that looms in the doorway. And even in only single beams of light that barely brighten up the room, you know exactly who it is. Its a shadow of a figure you could recognize in the dark you know him that well, and the usual swell of excitement at his return is replaced by a stabbing sensation of anger and hurt.
Unable to look at the man looming nervously in the doorway any longer, you look down at your hands that have turned white you grip the sink so hard. You feel the burn of tears swelling in your eyes and you don't try to stop them from flowing out the side. You let them fall, watching each drop drip down the drain.
His footsteps fill the room as he walks towards you, his boots sounding heavy against the pavement. And the scent of him that floats your way-- of deep pine and nicotine-- makes your eyes close harshly at the memories invading your mind.
"Please leave." You plead with all the strength you can muster up. Your voice is fragile like a shard of glass and you sound more broken than you were willing to let him know.
"Can we talk?" That southern accent of his that is soft and gentle and almost timid, makes your knees weak but you stand your ground.
"No." You say, shaking your head and the movement causes more tears to fall down the drain. "We can't."
"Please," Daryl asks and you hear him take another step towards you. "Let me explain it to ye."
Remorse drips into his words and his misery almost makes you soften, but your aching heart reminds you of the chance he had to make this right. And he walked away.
"You could've explained it to me. You could've sat me down and told me that you had to go with your brother, that you needed to do this. But you didn't. You decided to leave Daryl," You turn to face the man now, and even as tears blur your vision, his blue eyes are still crystal clear. "Leave me here without a word, an explanation, without a goodbye."
Daryl takes another step and you shake your head, biting your bottom lip to contain the sobs you want to cry. "No."
"You don't get to just leave and come back and think that we're fine."
"I know we ain't." Daryl whispers and his tone threatens to break you.
"I can't even look at you right now Daryl," Your eyes fell long ago to your feet, unable to hold up against the scrutiny of his hard gaze.
"I'm sorry."
That is the thing that makes you break. Sobs escape you, cries loud and echoing around you. And you hear him walking closer, until he is inches away from you. Close enough that you can smell the sweat and the wind on his tanned skin. Close enough that you can hear his breaths, and close enough that if you reached out you would feel the beating of his heart.
"I'm sorry." His hand reaches out, touching your shoulder as he moves to pull you into his embrace. But you push back. Literally.
Your hands push at his chest, making him stumble slightly backwards. Not enough to make him leave, but enough to show that what you are feeling is real.
You know how much of a mess you look right now, with tears streaming down your face as sobs escape you, and the way you try to push the man you love away from you. For his presence breaks your heart further.
"I hate you." You whisper, your voice shaking with emotions that overflow into your words.
Daryl doesn't say anything, but instead moves to wrap his arms around you again. Only to meet your resistance once again, pushing him back.
"I hate you!" You cry out, and fight against him. Your arms flailing and hitting him anywhere you can.
Daryl isn't harmed, but instead takes hold of your wrists and pulls you against him. Gently yet with purpose and meaning. You fight, trying to pull away from the man who holds you close, but soon your fight runs out.
Sagging against the redneck who holds you tenderly, you cry into his warm chest. "I hate you." You mutter against his clothing.
"You don't." Daryl whispers as his lips softly kiss the top of your head.
"I hate you Daryl Dixon. I hate that you left me. I hate that you didn't tell me goodbye. I hate that you left me behind to hear it from Rick that you were gone."
Your fingers clutch his shirt and your cries slow. "But what I hate most of all, is how much I still love you."
Your love for Daryl Dixon was your downfall. It was your weakness in a world where weaknesses were a death wish. You hated that your heart beat for him, and you hated how strongly he affected you. But you couldn't change any of it. You couldn't suddenly stop loving him. And even after this, you realized just how dangerous that could be.
"Don't leave me again." You whisper against him, giving into his embrace.
"I won't." Daryl promises you, and you believe him.
For as your head lays against his chest, you can hear the thump of his beating heart. And you can hear how it beats just for you as yours does for him. You were his weakness just as he was yours. And maybe in some twisted way, that made you both stronger.
A/N: The more I reread this one, the more happy I become with it! ❤
