Misunderstandings

Chapter 9: Compromising

A/N: Hi? 

Yeah I suck, I know. Can't really say more than that. I had the biggest writer's block in the face of history. But I am back. This really really really long chapter should somehow make you happy right? ;)

I hope you enjoy.

CHAPTER 8 IS PRIVATE. I AM SO SORRY. The only way you can read it is if you fan me. I am currently working on fixing it. 

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            Chapter Nine: Compromising

"Oh my god," I whispered to myself, unable to stop the shaking that occurred throughout my whole body.  "Oh my god."

I heard Andreas' vague voice in the background asking me what was wrong again, but I refused to reply.

How could I have not realized this before? How could I have forgotten such a crucial part of my life? I was so blinded, so worried that he'd find out and what his reaction would be that it completely flew out of my head.

There was no way I'd ever be able to be different than my own flesh and blood. I was raised with that behaviour, there was no guarantee that I'd ever change.

I would be a life ruiner just like my own mother. I'll drive both my innocent baby and Andreas into destruction. We wouldn't even last a month living together. I'll destroy everything, including myself.

"I have no right," I whispered to myself angrily, tears streaming down my face. "I have no right, Andreas." I looked up at him in panic. "I can't keep this baby."

I watched as shock replaced the puzzled look he gave me, his eyes darkening at my words.

"Olivia," he quietly said, taking a step towards me.

"Don't," I warned him, shaking my head. "I can't do this," I realized, my eyes widening as reality came crashing down. I fell down on my knees, hugging my hands over my body. I was such a selfish bitch.  How could I have let myself be persuaded so easily?  

Because all you can think about all day is Andreas, you empty-headed whore.

"Oh my God," I cried out in my hands repeatedly. "I'm disgusting Andreas, I don't deserve this."

The image of my mother's broken face appeared in my mind, the blank eyes, the carelessness, the absolute nothingness flashed in my brain. I shook my head, trying to clear everything out, but I couldn't, the scenes were only coming back forcefully, reminding me of what I desperately wished to forget.

"Olivia," Andreas' soft voice vaguely called. I felt his gentle warm hands on my shoulders shaking them as if trying to wake me up.

I refused to look at him, feeling too ashamed that he has finally seen me completely out of hand.

"Look at me," his deep voice commanded.

I shook my head and continued to cry, guilt crushing my chest from the inside.

Now what? You've really made a mess of everything. He's going to hate for the rest of your life once he finds out about your fucked up family.  

I shook my head violently against my mind's horrible conclusion and closed my eyes against the image that was slowly being created in my mind.

"Lift up your head, Olivia," he ordered again, his voice hardening in frustration. I snapped my head up, letting reality kick in.  

Without a warning, I felt his hard finger pull me upwards to shift my focus to his anger-filled eyes. I felt the warmth of his body engulfing me, for a moment letting me forget about the situation. His scent overcrowded my senses and I closed my eyes, almost giving in to the non-existent support.