Sins Of The Father (TRLS)

Chapter 22

Chapters 21 & 22 are new and have been published today 6/28 message me if you can't see 21.
   Down the hall and all the way down the stairs I ran with tears in my eyes. I pushed passed the big doors at the entrance of the orphanage and barged into the heavy rain relishing in it as if it were washing away my worries. I had heard Tom asking where I was going alarmed when I left the room, I know he'll come after me. I made my way beneath a large tree to shield me from the rain and to hide me from Tom. I sat on the wet ground alone, and motionless listening to the harsh rain hit the ground. My mind was clear and I had no worries for a split second as I sat under the tree starring out at the rain. I was the old Roslyn again, before I was a wife or a mom. Before I was tangled up in the dark lord's web. I felt like I was free again and young. I had begun to feel so old with my new duties as a wife and mother. There was no more outings with friends or anything of that nature. No more fun carefree moments, just responsibilities and stress. Sometimes I wish I was the old Roslyn again, and then I think of them. The sweet faces of my babies....and the stoic face of him.

I was soaking wet at this point, it was easy to forget the tears that never stopped falling onto my cheeks. I had been holding all of my feelings in and with this latest annoying installment of my life it all came crashing down. I love my children so much, but there are times when I see girls having fun so young and free, and I envy them. I wonder what I would be doing in the future if this had never happened to me. I wanted to be a model, or a singer, maybe even an actress, but those were all distant dreams now. I feel like I'm not a real person anymore, like I'm not aloud to have hopes or dreams. I just want to be free to be who I am. I want to be happy, is that too much to ask? I want a husband who loves me unconditionally, and I want to raise my kids in a safe home full of love. How did I deal with my emotions before this whole ordeal?  I used to sing my heart out, I would've made it big. The ghost of a smile appeared on my lips as I recalled all of the wide open opportunities that I had in the future. Maybe my parents would've had me marry Draco, and him and I would've been able to raise a family later on in life but I still would've been able to achieve my dreams. All I know is that I had a life and it was far from perfect, but all in all I was happy.

No matter how I pictured alternate realities I felt like something was missing; and I couldn't figure it out. I racked my brain for an answer but no matter my thoughts about the future I couldn't make out what I lacked. I couldn't create a happy future without........it finally hit me. I can't even fathom a happy, fulfilled future without my husband, Tom Marvolo Riddle; the darkest wizard of all time. I couldn't understand this conclusion I came up with. He may be the father of my children but I can't remember us growing a strong romantic bond together but the reality of it is... ...I don't know if I could live my life without his constant convictions, judgmental yet humorous attitude, confusing riddles, hilarious wise cracks, his adorable lack of knowledge about love and friendship that makes him me want to show him exactly what they are, his understanding and listening skills, his intelligence, and his alluring personality as a whole. Everything about him draws me in from the good all the way to the bad. I want to explore his darkness like an invitation to paradise. I want him to be mine fully with every fiber of my being. We may be husband and wife but I couldn't feel more romanticly separated from him as I do now. Our undeniable bond is something other than romance, something equally important but even stronger. We may be married but this is truly the first time I've realized my true feelings for him, and how much I truly need Tom in my life for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part. I want him and that's all that matters, I don't care if we're living in a box, I am his and he is mine; and I trust him. Money doesn't matter, nothing does except for our relationship with eachother and with our children.  I know of his impressive perseverance, and extraordinary determination and I would be a fool to doubt him when I know what he can do. He is the dark lord and no matter how you put it he always comes out ontop.