Nao Summers hates drama, but life becomes full of it when he's paired with the school delinquent on a film project. He's also in dire need of a way to break up with his girlfriend who wants to have lots of sex, while Nao would prefer to die. To crow...
I stopped right in front of the door, leaned in, and listened hard. If the culprits were still at large, barging in there could be dangerous. But then again, wouldn't that mean Axel was in trouble? Shit. All I heard was the faint sound of running water and something that sounded suspiciously like a howling wind.
Abandoning my doubts, I stuffed my phone in my pocket, lowered my backpack to the floor, and slowly sneaked inside the apartment. I had no weapon at hand, so all I could do was ball my hands into fists in front of my face. Taking on that defensive stance, I made my way through the mess that was Axel's apartment.
Because a mess it was. No more was the meticulous place I had visited before. The cupboards were all thrown open, empty of their contents, now glaringly bare. The cups and plates were on the floor instead, shattered into a million pieces around the room.
A soft gasp escaped my lips when I saw the TV, or what remained of it, anyway. The impressive flat screen had been overturned, and the screen was split in the middle by a dozen cracks. The coffee table was crushed right next to it, irreparable and another addition to the pool of glass that Axel's apartment was flooded in.
The worst part still, was the windows. I stood to a halt, frozen with my fists shaking in front of me. Two of the central windows were broken, shards scattered on the ground, opening the city view in a real and sobering way. The wind whipped through the now open holes in the wall, sending chills cascading down my spine, and goosebumps rising on my skin.
What the hell had happened here? Where was Axel? Why was all his stuff broken? Was he hurt? He hadn't fallen through the windows...? No, there would have been police on the ground, then... I remembered the glass I'd stepped on with a sting.
Turning around, I tip-toed over the glass and opened the bathroom door, peering in to search for Axel. This room was trashed as well, glass cabinet in pieces on the marble floor, and there was water everywhere. I closed the door and returned to the living room, carefully maneuvering around the remains of Axel's belongings. He's got to be here. I jumped over the sofa, gaze going in a zigzag pattern over the floor. Maybe he's hurt. I noticed what appeared to be an electrical appliance, so I hunched down next to it.
His phone. My belly did a wicked flop. The screen was cracked and dead.
There was just one place left to look. Standing, I faced the door leading to Axel's bedroom. The darkness around me was stifling, and the sound of the wind sent fear rippling through my limbs. I'd never been in that room before, never thought I'd have to. It felt like I was intruding on his privacy by doing this. Opening that door would change something, would shift our relationship forever. I couldn't tell you why, but I knew that something would happen if I stepped through that door. I felt it in the pit of my stomach.
A sense of urgency prompted me to defy my doubts. I couldn't turn back now. Putting my hand on the door handle, I yanked it towards me, heart all the while beating an erratic rhythm in my chest. Please be okay. I shoved the door away from me, almost surprised that it wasn't locked. Please be here.
Axel's room was in darkness. There we no lamps, no ceiling light, nothing at all. All I could do was stumble inside and ignore the high-pitched yelling that was my internal voice.
"Axel?" I squeaked, voice failing me. My heart had never beat like this before, not even when I did sports on a regular basis. Slowing it down was impossible, but I still put my hand to my chest, almost like it could soothe it.
"Axel, are you there?" I stepped over an obstacle, nearly face-planting on Axel's bedroom floor. "It's Nao. You didn't answer your phone, so I..."
I shut my mouth, listening. It could have just been the sound of the wind coming through the broken windows in the living room, but I thought I heard someone breathing. Rapid inhales, shaky exhales, clothes rustling... I stopped, eyes adjusting to the scarce light from the opposing window. Was he here? I squinted and felt around the room, my hand hitting the bed and finding enough purchase to keep me upright.
The room took shape before me, slowly but surely, in the light from the open windows. A marine hue laid over the whole place, a testament to the moonlight outside. My eyes found him then.
Axel was on the floor, sitting with his back against the wall. The window over his head was wide open - not broken, thank god - letting the breeze in. I couldn't see him clearly, but his arms were around his knees, and his head rested on top of them. His breath came in ragged gasps.
"Shit," I swore, staggering around the silhouette of Axel's bed, falling to the floor right next to him. The sound of the wind came from all directions now, both Axel's window and his living room. The only light was provided by the moon, and it wasn't enough to illuminate his features. All I saw was a dark shape that was trembling minutely.
"Are you okay?" I crept a little closer, wary now, somehow. Axel gave no reply, but his shoulders were shaking wildly, almost like in a fit. "What happened? Did someone break in?"
"Axel?" I repeated.
"...swer the phone..."
"What?" I crossed the distance between us, listening as hard as I could. I was so close I could touch him now if I wanted to.
"The phone... If only..."
His voice was nothing like it usually sounded. The words were slurred and difficult to catch, and he was hoarse, seemingly fighting to speak. His head was buried in his knees, words spilling out like tentative secrets, never making much sense to an uninformed listener.
"If only I'd... If only..." A broken sound escaped him, reverberating through the room. It was like an echo of something foreign and lost. I'd never heard anything like it. I reached out my hand - fingers shaking as they got closer - and I let it rest on Axel's shoulder. He jumped at the touch.
"What happened?" I asked again, squeezing his shoulder. The bit of skin I could feel was clammy and cold. Wind roared around us.
"If only... I'd just..." He was gasping, fighting to get air and control, and anything that could stop the shaking. I was taken back to Fort Violet then, and the closet, and the way Axel had hyperventilated against my shoulder. "I don't like small spaces," he'd said later. But this is his apartment. This shouldn't be scary.
"I could have... saved him..."
I don't know what came over me then, but the next thing I did was grab hold of Axel's shoulders and pull him towards me. He was heavy, his shirt was soaked in sweat, but he still fell into my embrace with ease. I crossed my arms over his back and held him tight, fingers catching at the fabric of his t-shirt. He was warm, he was shaking, and he was gasping into my ear.
"It's okay," I said, words muffled against Axel's neck.
"If only... I'd picked up— "
"It's okay," I repeated, with more force this time. "Everything will be okay." With my nose pressed against his neck, I was inhaling Axel, drowning in his scent. His hair smelled like shampoo and nostalgia, and I was back in the closet at Fort Violet again, painfully aware of his body heat and my feelings. Things were clearer now, somehow, illuminated in moonlight.
I said those two words over and over again as I held Axel close. The world had boiled down to just the two of us, the wind, and my voice. I chanted until the words lost all meaning, and was reduced to a phrase of comfort and desperation. I couldn't even think.
When Axel raised his arms and finally returned the embrace, it was with such otherworldly strength that I let out a gasp. He clung to me like he was a drowning man, and I his lifeline.
"It's okay," I soothed. "It's okay."
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