Waste (A Larina Fanfiction)

Part 7: POWER AND CONTROL

POWER AND CONTROL

Marina's POV

Midnight. Finally. And here I am again. Standing outside the one place in New York City I honestly loath. "Lonely fucking Hearts". It's just... I couldn't think of any other place that Lana might chose to meet me. I do believe that this whole mystery concerning our date is sort of unnecessary but that's Lana. She seems to be fascinated by mystery...

It's cold and I'm wearing a thin jacket illustrated with vintage cartoon imagery. When I bought it, I thought it was cute. Now it seems old and far from elegant. I'm feeling anxious that I might be wrong about "Lonely Hearts Club". It could have been Sam's motel or, simply, my hotel room. I don't know. It's over now. If I'm wrong, then I don't get to see her again and this is the last thing I want. I need to see her. I'm putting aside my whole career just to see her again. Why am I doing this? In the end, she's just a stranger. A perfect stranger.

There is a taxi parked on the other side of the street. The driver is in it and in the back seat, I can see a figure. A female figure. A female figure wearing a pair of heart-shaped sunglasses. Lana! I run to the taxi and I open the door. I can see Lana smiling at me but I do realise she's pretty upset about something. I can't really see her eyes. They're hiddden behind those large sunglasses.

"You found the place" she says and her voice sounds sort of unsteady.

"Yes, I did but, please, no more mystery-solving from now on"

"Sure!"

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see. It's a very special place."

~

The taxi driver stops the vehicle, as soon as we arrive outside of a large house somewhere in the suburbs. It's a beautiful house with a huge garden around it that includes long trees, flowers and a swimming pool. It looks similar to all other buildings on its neighbourhood. This is how american suberban houses are. Identical. I can easily imagine a housewife taking care of that garden like it's her child. The setting reminds of that old film, Spepford Wives. However, everything is quiet and sort of...dead.

'This is my father's house.' Lana says naturally.

'What? I'm not ready to meet your parents at the moment, Lana.'

'Relax! They're not here. Nobody's here. My parents spend every summer in Europe travelling around. The house gets deserted and I get a chance to visit the place without having to meet them. I still have the key.'

'Why you don't want to meet them?'

'When I left home, I said to them I'll return only when I've done something in life.'

We get in the house. We must be the only people awake in the whole neighbourhood. The other ones must be sleeping or pretending they're sleeping. Everything, inside Lana's ex house is clean and in place. It reminds me of my own house, except we have a thick bible and a wooden cross in almost every room. I don't know about Lana, but I'm not really religious.

'Lana, do you believe in God?'

'I don't know if I believe in God but when you sleep on the streets for days, you can't help but pray. Every single day.'

The answer was clear enough

'Shall we go to my old teenage room?' Lana suggests.

~

Her teenage room must be the same since the day that she left. On the walls, there are big pictures of Lana with her girl friends. They're all sweer sixteen and they actually look 25. A freshmen generation of degenerate beauty queens. Behind her bed, lies a huge amount of video tapes.

'What is that?' I ask.

'I was collecting vintage footage and editing it. It was my form of expression. I do believe some people are born in the wrong time.'

'You feel like that, too? It's incredible. Nobody ever agrees with me on that.'

'I have an idea.'

~

We get to the garden. Next to the pool. Lana tries hard connecting some wires between her camera and a slideshow projector. Finally, there it is! All her vintage scenes are being broadcasted on a slideshow against the wall. It's beautiful. Everything is dark on the neighboorhood. The pool is quiet and soft. We get our seat next to each other while stills from old films are being broadcasted on us. This is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. We get ourselves comfortable there.

'Where is K, tonight?' I ask her softly.

'I don't know. There is no K anymore, I suppose. We broke up'

'Why is that?'

Lana removes her sunglasses and I can see tears in her eyes. She opens up and cries on my shoulder. I place my arms around her hugging her tight.

'I loved him. I was so devoted to him. He never loved me. All he wanted was to control me.'

'Hush Lana! Don't get attached. For most men. Relationships are just a game. A game of power and control over women.'

'Do you believe that?'

'Yes, I do. Don't be weak, Lana. You're beautiful. Fascinating. You could have any man you like. Don't be sitting around here crying. Go out. Break some hearts!'

She stops crying almost immediately. She looks at me in the eyes in wonder.

'And what about love? Do you believe in love?'

Hard question. Do I, really?

'Believing in love of pure kind is like believing in God. You've never met something like that. Yet, you believe in it. Because it gives you hope.'

'Would you believe me if I said I love you?'

'Well...'

Suddenly, she leans her face towards mine. My cheeks get warm. Our lips touch one another. She kisses me...

During that kiss, my mind is blurred. I don't know exactly what is wrong or right. I know it feels good. More than that. It feels like heaven. Suddenly, I feel out of control. And I don't like that. I'm scared I will regret it afterwards so I stop her by taking my lips away from hers.

She looks away. Embarassement! I see her staring at the ground. There is silence for a moment...

'Lana, when I said break some hearts, I didn't actually mean mine.'

'I'm so sorry. I didn't know what I was thinking.'

'I should better leave.'

'Please don't! Don't leave me alone. You are the only one left for me now. My parents left me, my friends are not real friends, K doesn't love me anymore.'

She is so heartbroken, I can't leave. This is how I justified to myself my strong urge to stay.

'Let's get in the pool' Lana happily suggests after a long pause, pretending the kiss never happened to make me feel comfortable again.

'Not now.'

I light up a cigarette and start smoking softly. Suddenly, Lana dives into the warm water still wearing her clothes. Her hair and clothes get heavy and wet. Her mascara runs down her eyes. She laughs. I laugh.

'You are fucking crazy.' I say.

~

I look around. Lana is in the pool, there is a cloud of smoke above me, vintage footage is being broadcasted on the wall.

This is our world. I feel like home. I don't want to leave.

I don't know what it is that keeps us bound. Is this some kind of love, is it excitement, is it heartbreak? I don't know. All I know is that we are one. Now and till the end of time.