Waste (A Larina Fanfiction)

Part 12: BORN TO DIE

BORN TO DIE

Lana's POV

I wake up to find myself laying on that roof, stoned, dizzy and cold. Stars on my eyes. I guess we were having too much fun. Marina is sleeping underneath my warm leather jacket, looking calm and secure. She must be having a dream because her eyes are moving rapidly and her face shapes weird expressions.

I get up, wear my jacket and walk away. That was it. That was it. That was it. I say to myself to make every remaining doubt perish. Things are pretty much the way they always used to be. I'm walking high and alone on the empty New York streets having nowhere to go in particular. Small lakes of rain on the tar reflecting the colourfull city lights. Cars flashing in front of my eyes. Liquor on my lips. It's strange how everything changed and nothing changed at the same time. I'm still here. I won't be here for long, though...

I stop a taxi and get to my small apartment back in Queens. It's 5 o'clock in the night when I enter the old wooden door to face its mess and unpleasing smell. The walls are painted in a dark blue colour which makes everything seem moody and depressive. There are empty beer bottles on the floor, a bunch of books laying on my guitar amplifier and pizza boxes on the couch. There is actually no bed in there. When I rented the place I said I would remove that old, dirty, white leather couch and instead buy a bed but, eventually, I got used to it and so I never did.

I grab my guitar. There is a certain chord progression that has been moving around my head for a couple of days. It is easy enough to let my fingers move around. It's like I already know the song. And God... It doesn't sound too bad. It actually sound very good. More ambitious and more addictive than anything I've ever done before. Lyrics flow like a poem on my brain. They're about her. And what we've been through.

Feet don't fail me now

Take me to the finish line

Oh my heart it breaks every step that I take but I'm hoping at the gates, they'll tell me that you're mine

Walking through the city streets

Is it by mistake or designed?

I feel so alone on the Friday nights. Can you make it feel like home if I tell you you're mine?

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry

Sometimes love is not enough when the road gets tough, I don't know why

Keep making me laugh, let's go get high

The road is long we carry on, try to have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain

Chose your last words, this is the last time

You and I, we were born to die.

It will be called Born To Die. I place my guitar on the ground and move to my small kitchen. I hardly fit in there because the room is so small that no human being could stand there for more that ten minutes. But there is a small window next to the fridge from which I can stare at the beautiful city streets. I light up a cigarette. This is how I always do. Marina never visited my apartment. For a minute, I think of everything I could have done with her and I didn't. It's all fine, though. All cool!

It's time to move on I guess. I'd wait till morning but this is hard. I need to leave. Now. I get a shoulder travel bag and start stuffing it with few things that I might need in my long roadtrip. My books, few clothes, cigarettes, water, money...I guess that's all. I'm done in less than an hour. The sun is also rising outside my window. The plane is taking off in a while. Marina must be in JFK airport in Queens. Must be. Should be.