Starship Armstrong - Season 2

Part 30 - Ignorance Is Bliss (IV)

Galen called twelve minutes later, just as promised.

"Oh, hello everyone," he said "Am I going to take the Turing Test now?"

"That's not our working theory anymore," said the Captain "McAfree?"

"Doc was right, signal's coming from the unidentified orbital object," said McAfree, leaning across Marceaux to use his console while he glowered back at her.

Mitzner, Dr. Kang, McAfree and Wagner were all already wearing their space suits and Mitzner was carrying a sized-up ion rifle intended for use with the suit's clunky gloves. Wagner was laden with gear and McAfree had a similar burden lying on the ground.

"Of course I'm right," said Dr. Kang "Last chance to admit you're a computer program before we go rooting around in your hardware, 'professor'"

"I hate to disappoint you but I'm going to have to insist I'm a human," said Galen "I have too many years worth of memories. Although it's an interesting thought experiment given how hard it is to prove."

"I'm not saying you're not a human," said Dr. Kang "It's still a possibility. This thing could be a pirate relay station hijacking your signal or there could be a tear in the space/time continuum and we're in your future. But Occam's razor would still suggest that you are nothing more than a glorified graphical user interface."

"Dr. Kang, if you're finished being completely horrible I believe you have something to investigate," said the Captain.

"I would rather be doing that anyway," said Dr. Kang "I'm horrible for your benefit. So you can share in my insights."

"All of Doc's insights are horrible," agreed McAfree.

"It's a horrible galaxy," said Dr. Kang "Come on then. Let's get to the shuttle."

He left.

"I am only just barely placated by getting to use the combat space suits," said Mitzner, making a small space between her gloved thumb and finger "Just by this much. Next time let Commander Gibson deal with him."

"Aaw, Lieutenant-Commander, we need you," said McAfree "You're the only person who can be relied upon to shoot Doc dead when the time finally comes."

McAfree followed behind Dr. Kang.

"Well when you put that way..." said Mitzner, disappearing out the door.

Mitzner was the last one to leave the bridge, and the door slid shut behind her.

"It seems like you have an interesting life," said Galen.

"That's one way of putting it," said Captain Littlecrow, sitting back down.

* * *

The Vostok lurched out of the shuttle bay and made its way to the orbital structure with a few quick bursts of speed.

McAfree and Mitzner had both taken off their gloves and rolled up their sleeves in order to use the shuttle's controls.

"Yep, there's an imperial-style airlock," said McAfree, working the sensors "Just as we predicted. We're all kinds of compatible with that."

"I'm bringing us in," said Mitzner, who did just that.

The shuttle connected to the airlock with a satisfying snap, then a series of groans and thunks, finishing with a long hiss.

"Suits on everyone," said Mitzner.

"Okay Mom," said McAfree, who was already further along in putting her gloves on than Mitzner was.

The airlock door hissed open and the group stepped in to the bizarre construct.

The artificial gravity saw to it that they clung to the inner edge of the hollow metal cylinder, such that they could see what would be the ground far ahead of them as the ceiling. Complex machinery like towers filled the cylinder, with the exception of narrow passageways like streets. The interior had the appearance of a tiny city.

Dr. Kang and McAfree exchanged amused looks, both recognizing old imperial supercomputers.

"Let's have a look around," said Dr. Kang "Wagner set up the hyperspace radar. McAfree, fix whatever amateurish errors Wagner makes setting up the hyperspace radar and show him how to use it again."

"That sounds like a terrific use of my time," McAfree deadpanned.

"Don't you dare break anything in here, Kang," said Mitzner.

"Who do you take me for?" Dr. Kang asked.

Mitzner didn't even know how to begin answering that question.

* * *

McAfree angrily looked through the diagnostic logs of the hyperspace radar.

"Or..." said Wagner "I could have done it perfectly and there actually is nothing wrong."

"Well it's my ass if you screwed it up," said McAfree "So forgive me if I want to be thorough."

She sighed.

"Doc," she yelled "We might have something here."

Dr. Kang approached the hyperspace radar and looked over McAfree's shoulders at the 2d representation of 3d space.

"Well isn't that an interesting shape," said Dr. Kang "Don't tell the Lieutenant-Commander, I want to do a dramatic reveal."

"Don't tell her what?" asked Wagner.

"Yes," said Mitzner, appearing behind Dr. Kang "Don't tell me what?"

"I'll show you," said Dr. Kang "Follow me."

Dr. Kang led the group along the pathways, into a different section of the ship where the towers of machinery began to change in appearance, growing more segmented and bulbous.

Dr. Kang walked up to one of the towers, and found what appeared to be a control console. He went through a few menus and one of the bulbs on the tower began to slowly lower itself with a rusty scraping noise. Old dust was unsettled.

Dr. Kang wiped dust off the front of the bulb to reveal an emaciated, wrinkled, naked human figure inside. Tubes ran in and out it's nose and other orifices, and it's brain appeared to be open and exposed. Cables large and small ran out of the exposed brain and into the machinery.

"What we have here," said Dr. Kang "Is an old Imperial man-machine interface. These people have had their brains physically wired into a computer system. For decades."

"These people?" asked Mitzner.

"Our scans indicate there are a million or so people in here wired up just the same way," said McAfree "But there is room for many many more."

"New theory," said Dr. Kang, spreading his fingers out "Idiot lost worlders rediscover the atomic bomb and blow themselves to kingdom come. Their planet will be poison for generations so the survivors shoot themselves into orbit and create a multi-user shared hallucination recreating their planet as it was. The current idiots we have here were probably young children when they entered the simulation. It's all they know so they think it's reality. That's who has been contacting us over the ansible."

"I hate how plausible that all sounds," said Mitzner.

"I think we should all note for posterity that once again I was right and the signal was coming from here," said Dr. Kang.

"You thought it was a computer program," said McAfree.

"I was open to that possibility," admitted Dr. Kang "But it was all part of my being right about the signal's origin."

"We should contact the Captain," said Mitzner.

"I-" started Dr. Kang.

"Don't you dare," said Mitzner "I'll do it."

McAfree laughed.