Save Me With A Lullaby [Jackbum]

Lullaby 13

<Disclaimer : Italics = Past / Normal = Present>

A shiver went down his spine after he said those words. 

'Was he faking his love towards me? 

Have he already stopped loving me?

Is he going to give each other a break because I made him feel guilty?'

Jaebum waited, staring at Jackson with a unreadable gaze. Jackson nodded, looking down at his now trembling hands. He can't possibly fuck up this bad? 

The two moved to the living room, and Jaebum left to the kitchen while Jackson sat the couch. Anxiety ruining his thinking, as his thoughts paced his mind, quickly. He wanted to apologize and cry to Jaebum, even be held by Jaebum. He felt so guilty. 

Jaebum returned with cups of warm hot chocolates, and placed his own mug. Handing the other to Jackson, and Jackson accepted it. He couldn't smile, but Jaebum did and it hurt. It was forced, and Jackson noticed it. He felt his heart ached and weigh by a thread due to guilt, and sipped his own beverage while staring at the floor. 

His boyfriend sat beside him, and looked at him. He wanted to place a hand on Jackson's thigh to comfort him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hurt Jackson, and he was afraid to touch him because he was now vulnerable, because of his own actions. 

He should have been more aware, but the small fear made him develop the nature that seemingly mistreated Jackson. 

Two share the guilt, and both afraid to hold each other's hearts among their hands.

Jaebum looked away and took a deep breath, hanging his head low. Jackson turned to him, and he licked his lips anxiously. The atmosphere was tensed and awkward, and Jackson disliked it highly. 

"I'm sorry, Jaebum. Don't be mad," Jackson whispers. He was afraid that Jaebum's anger will fuel because of being hurt emotionally, but Jaebum only shook his head. "I should apologize. I am sorry, I was like that. I should of been more aware. I am selfish," Jaebum sighs and Jackson instantly shook his head. He placed his own mug on the table, and scooted closer beside his boyfriend to comfort him.

But, the small curiosity lingered as Jackson wondered what was that sorrow. 

Jaebum hid it away, so well. 

Jackson placed a hand on Jaebum's back, and Jaebum flinched by the touch. "You aren't selfish. I am, for asking too much when it is part of your personality in a relationship." Jackson sighs. "Maybe tone it down, and I will be okay, okay?" Jackson rubbed his back, and Jaebum shook his head. 

"J-Jackson, I need to tell you everything."

"You don't have to. If it hurts too much-"

"I want to, because I need to. Its the only thing I can do to accept your full forgiveness," Jaebum looked at him and Jackson stared back at him. The eyes of Jaebum's seemed like an ocean, waves seem to crash wildly against each other. The waves weren't angry, it was filled with smooth movement, but powerful to drown anyone. Jackson was lost within those eyes, until he understood that Jaebum was drowning.

Drowning in that sorrow of his. 

"I never told anyone besides Jinyoung... Jackson, please just listen. I-I don't like hiding it away, anymore." 

Jackson nodded. "I am here to listen, Jaebum." 

"I..." Jaebum looked away, and stared down at his hands. Shutting his eyes tightly, he could feel his own lungs give out, as he couldn't even comprehend the words. Jackson waited, and comforted him with reassuring back rubs. Finally, Jaebum took a deep breath and started.