The Revelation Of The Writing On The Wall: Scribblings Of War & Peace

Promises

Shattered by promises, the promises never came to pass, perhaps they were never really made? Emptiness. Nothing hurts more than to have a bunch of promises waiting laid up at the door. Piled up to your neck ready to drown you. Yes those same promises you made while telling me you loved me were comforting. But then God showed me that promises are only as strong as the one who made them. This broken heart's blood pouring out like a faucet, emotions running like a person in a nightmare, cares vanished away as the hours past. Sure, go on and just leave me to drown in my sorrow and shame. All of those words, looks, and bonding we're pointless. *Sigh* You said it was for us, but why does it feel dishonor? Forever lost, the security I once had with you is now gone. I don't know what hurts most, the pain or the thought of you. Everything hanging on for dear life. Im ready to give up. Memories. I wish I could fire them. Forever connected I thought because we made love? Where is the love now? Time made. Was it wasted? Money made. Was it just to appease you? I've always said to myself, "You mean wel, you have a beautiful sweet heart." But I never questioned, "Are you really for me or just a seat filler? The seat in which you sat in filled with confusion and revoked comfort. Maybe I was just your cushion. I became that coverup of your own problems. Distanced you are. I sit. Cry. For months I wondered, " Why am I doing this?" I became angry. I say, "I was never right for you. I was never enough anyway." Hope is a beautiful and rich gift from God. That hope I put into you was a struggle. I am far too precious to be selling myself short. There isn't enough of anything in this world to make up for that. As I carried backlash and baggage, you happily took my heart and demolished it. You altered my pain and happiness. You then would cause the pain and then renew me using my own insecurities. May as well day, It was your choice to choose how I felt. Two broken people loving with a broken love. Love was never supposed to hurt. No, not the love you had for me. Though it was tolerance. You never had a care in the world for me. But I believed you. You gave me shelter and fed me, only to keep me comfortable. I gave you everything. I gave you all of ME. Can we ever do this again? Haha...nope! Only God knows how deep my death was. God knew exactly what I desired. I just want you to know that I forgive you. I just want to forgive you too- self.  It was you Lord who opened my eyes. It was you who gave me hope again. TRUE love for you are Love itself. I was loving out of myself, my understanding instead of giving a Godly Love. Funny this is, lover you we're only loving me like loved myself. You can't love someone else until you truly can love yourself. Father, God cleanse me of this madness and pain if it be Your Will. I mourn wholeheartedly and give it to you for joy comes in the morning. Your promises never failed me. "You remembered us in our weaknesses, your faithful love endures forever." Psalm 139:23 You took it all just for me to see myself again. The person you've ordained me to be. For you said that I was, "fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14 It is you that dwells within. These characteristics I have are yours. These struggles and pains are mine to share with You. Everything belongs to You. People, don't you ever make promises that you can not keep! Promises can kill someone else's growth. Be careful. But most importantly remember the One who gave you the desires of your heart. He loved first so that we may love too. I'm so happy that you have snatched the chains and blown away the ashes. It is gone, no trace of this indecency. Soul ties are cut away and burned down, Hallelujah!

Thankfully, there is One who keeps His word and never changes. As Hebrews 10:23 tells us, "[God] who promised is faithful."