Chapter 17

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Home.  I breathe the word.  It comes up from the bottom of my stomach, winding its way around my lungs and then drifts over my tongue to finally escape from my lips in a breathy whisper.  I repeated it over and over again in those days, rolling it from side to side, letting the word bring weight to itself.  This was my home.

The sudden discovery made me take greater notice of everything around me.  For the next few days I took an intense interest in the place of my birth.  I wanted to know everything about it, the people, what they did and how they did it.  It did not take long for me to gain confidence in me decisions.  I wanted the land to prosper, and these people to love me as they had loved my father.  I considered myself fair and impartial, just and honourable. 

I went over the household numbers myself and found that the accountant had been lining his own pockets.  I dismissed him in a rage and threw him and his wife off my lands.  Melena warned me that I should not make enemies, but I refused to show this man leniency after he had stolen from my family for years, and I hired two strong men to ensure he was run out of town.  ‘He will be an example to all others that I am not to be crossed, stolen from or cheated’, I thought to myself.  I would be strong.

When I was not dealing with the lands, my accounts or the people, Melena started our lessons.  We began with herbs, picking up from where the Matron had left off.  She taught me when each herb should be planted, its moon cycle for when it was most potent.  She taught me the herbs used to make a woman fertile, and also how to rid a woman of an unwanted pregnancy.  She showed me which herbs to use to attract a man, to make him crazed with love.  She taught me how to cure those that were sick and to help others along.  We crushed, mixed, chopped and blended until my head was dizzy with the smells. 

At night, after long hours and my head abuzz with thoughts, I wandered the halls to work off my sleeplessness.  It was one night as I paced back and forth through the lit hallways of the house that I saw the glow of moonlight from under a large tapestry hanging on the wall.  My curiosity was instantly piqued.  Glancing surreptitiously around me to make sure no one was watching, I quickly dropped to my knees and ducked my head under the tapestry only to be met with the blackness of night.  Carefully, with one hand outstretched I crawled further into the darkness until my whole body was behind the hanging and I could see the moonlight that flickered on the floor.  It lent no light to the area around me, causing me to crawl slowly forward.  Feeling like a fool crawling on all fours like a dog, I hesitantly stood up.  Standing, I could see more of the surrounding area.  After several moments I could make out that I was in a small corridor.  If I spread my arms out on either side of myself I could just touch the walls.  The moonlight was coming from a small window set high on the wall, through which the full moon glowed brightly in the sky.  I turned back the way I had come and noted that the tapestry reached to the floor and covered the entire entrance to the hallway.  I walked towards it intending to get a lamp and then return.  I slipped out to the left side of the tapestry.  Between the wall and the tapestry it was dark as the deepest waters.  The tapestry was heavy as I pushed my way along it, and I could smell the fibers, a mixture of must and yarn with a faint hint of sweet grass.  After what seemed like an infinitely long time to be wandering behind a tapestry, I finally reached the edge.  I stepped out into what should have been a candle lit hallway only to find myself back in the small corridor I had just left.  My heart skipped a beat, my mind whirling as I tried to figure out how I had ended up back in the same spot.  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  I must have gotten turned around in the blackness of the tapestry and walked back the way I had come.  I let out a small laugh at my own stupidity which echoed hollowly around the empty corridor.  I turned around and this time went to my right to slip between the wall and the tapestry.  As I entered the space between the tapestry and the wall my heart thumped hard in my chest and could feel myself start to sweat.  I tried to hurry along, but the weight of the tapestry pushed me back against the wall and slowed me down the more agitated I became.  As I reached the end, my knees began to shake.  I was once again in the moonlit hallway. 

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