Life Will Go On - sequel to Our Love Will Remain

Chapter 14

I wake up on the living room couch. Ivy is asleep in my arms. When I look around, I see Peeta sitting on the armchair next to the TV. He is shaking badly, and he is sitting with his knees up to his chin and his hands covering his face. When I sit up in the couch and put my hand up to my forehead, he looks up. His face is bright red and his cheeks are covered with tears. I realise that I am covered with blankets and I have a lot of pillows supporting my back. Peeta must've done this. Ivy is still fast asleep. When Peeta sees that I am awake, he runs up to me and encloses me in a tight embrace, still being careful about not hurting me. Then, suddenly, he jerks back and looks at me with a terrified expression.

"I-I'm so sorry, I shouldn't be here." he stammers and starts to leave.

"No! Don't leave." I say, and he stops. "Come here." I say and open my arms. He walks up to me and hugs me again, stroking my hair and treating me like a hurt child.

"I'm so sorry. No, that's not enough. I can't even tell you how sorry I am. That's not enough either." he says and looks down. Then he continues and tears start flowing rapidly down his cheeks. "I-I guess what I'm trying to say... is that if you feel like you don't want to be with me anymore... I won't do anything to stop you from leaving." he says and toughes up. He looks at me with a look that makes me understand that he is deeply sorry and that he will never forgive himself, and through all of this I see a love that will never fade. He loves me so incredibly that he would rather die than hurt me. This look makes me scared, scared that he will go away just because he thinks I want him to, so I pull him into a kiss. He tries to brake away, but I don't let him. When I finally break away, I say:

"Peeta. I suppose I haven't told you often enough how much I love you. I love you so much, I wouldn't let you go even if you tried. I love you so much, I would die a million painful deaths to keep you safe." he starts to argue, but I stop him. "No. You listen to me. What happened in the Meadow wasn't you. It was the Capitol. I know, and you know too, that you would never have done that. But the Capitol would. So please, if something like this ever happens again, please try to forgive yourself." I tell him. He nods, and kisses me. I kiss him back, and when we break away he turns to Ivy and gets tears in his eyes.

"She asked me if I needed to go to the hospital." he says and looks down. "She thought I had gone crazy. You know, maybe it's getting worse. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I should go to the..." I cut him off.

"Peeta. You're not crazy. This doesn't happen often. It has gone this bad maybe once or twice since the war. Please, just believe me when I tell you that it's okay." I say. He nods.

"But I still hurted my wife and my daughter. I  want you to know that I will never forgive myself for that. I hope Ivy doesn't hate me." he says. Now, I'm starting to get frustrated. Haven't I told him enough of times how much I love him and that I don't hold him responsible for what happened?

"I know." I say.

"I love you so incredibly, you can't imagine." he says.

"I know. And I love you too." I say. "You know, we should go to bed. It's dark outside and Ivy should sleep in her bed." I say, and Peeta nods. He picks her up carefully, and carries her to her bedroom, where he tucks her in neatly. He sheds a tear when he does this.

"It's okay, Peeta. It's over now, and there's nothing we can do about it." I tell him and he kisses me. When we get to our bedroom, I get undressed and put my nightgown on. Peeta just peels off most of his clothes, leaving his boxers on. When we lay down on the bed, I turn to him. I feel this incredible need for his body right now, I don't know where it came from. Maybe I have been knocked out for so long that I've started longing for human closeness. Although that's something that's never scarce in this house.