A Summer To Remember

One Handed

"Mommy, how long are we gonna have pizza for?" Melody asked, picking a pepperoni off and tossing it in her mouth.

"It's not a very nutritious meal, Gem." Aunt Emma said, raising an eyebrow at mom.

"I was with Dyl today and I couldn't cook and be with him at the same."

I lowered my gaze to the plate in my lap, feeling guilty. There was a lot to feel guilty for since the accident. Mom apologized a lot to me over the past few weeks. I'd been the only one to get sick, the only one to be going through what I was. While it was great it didn't happen to others, I felt angry it was only me. What did I do to deserve this?

But I hated feeling sorry for myself. I hated it when others felt sorry for me and pitied me.

Aunt Emma patted mom's knee. She didn't say anything but the look she gave mom was enough.

Jacob came down the hall with a jean jacket on and his keys in his hand.

Mom stopped him before he could leave. "Where are you going?"

"Out. I have a date with Bria." He said with no emotion in his voice.

"Jake, Emma just got here-"

"Mom." I said softly, refusing to look at Jake and see the annoyance on his face. Ever since the accident, everything had been about me. He was getting forgotten and if it weren't for Melody being 5, she would have been too.

"Go ahead, sweetie." Aunt Emma said, waving her hand at him.

He sighed. "I'll be back later."

The room was quiet as the door shut. Melody was playing a game on her tablet and could've cared less about the conversation. Mom, Emma, and I said nothing.

I finished my pizza and wiped my hand on my sweatpants. I tossed the plate onto the coffee table. "I'm gonna go to my room."

Mom immediately set her plate down and stood up. "Let me help you."

"Mom, I'm fine. I got it." I pulled the wheelchair closer and gripped it tight in my hand as I struggled to move from the couch. Mom steadied the chair as I moved into it, Aunt Emma watching from her spot on the floor beside Melody.

"Do you need help getting to your room?"

"I can do it." It was more of an affirmation than anything. I didn't believe I could and I knew it'd be hard work but I had to try. I had to show my mom that I was capable of taking care of myself.

I struggled to move the chair with just one hand. I didn't realize how heavy I was. I'd never felt like my weight was a bad thing... until now.

I got several feet into the hallway before the chair started moving to the left. I wasn't left-handed and had a terrible time controlling the stupid chair. It was humiliating and even worse when I had to call mom to come help me.

She stayed with me until I was in my bed. I knew she wanted to do more. She wanted to fix me but that wasn't possible and we both knew that.

I turned my TV on and set up my game system. I'd moved it closer to my bed so it was easier for me to reach. I couldn't just jump out of bed and mess with it anymore. I couldn't jump period.

I waited until mom left before I went into the settings of the system and changed them to one hand only. It was pathetic and stupid and I hated doing it. Maybe someday I would be able to have two hand settings while still only having one hand. But I wasn't used to it yet. But I was grateful I didn't have 'ghost limb.' I'd read stories when I couldn't sleep at the hospital and they scared me. People could still feel their limb even after it was severed. Gone. I couldn't imagine feeling it but it not actually being there. How awful was that?

Mom put Melody to bed and Aunt Emma went soon after. It was getting late and Jacob still wasn't home. I knew she worried. It was worse after the accident. She had every right to yet it still felt over the top and annoying.

It wasn't until almost midnight that Jacob came home. I didn't hear him come in but I heard mom yelling at him. My room was the closest to the living room aside from the bathroom so I could hear everything.

"Do you have any idea how late it is?" Mom said in a loud whisper. She was trying to let us sleep, or at least those of us who could sleep, but her anger was still there.

I could picture him rolling his eyes. "I was at her house, mom. Her parents were there."

"You didn't tell me."

"You want me to tell you when I use the bathroom, too? Mom, I can't keep doing this."

"Jacob-"

"It's been weeks. I'm trying to move on. Hell, he's doing better than you are." I was really glad I wasn't in the room when he said that.

"It's a mother's job to worry about her kids-"

"You're being excessive, mom. He's not helpless. None of us are. We can deal with this but can you?"

I couldn't see the tears but I heard them, thick and heavy in her voice. "I'm doing the best I can, Jacob."

"We know, mom. But... don't try so hard, okay?" His tone was gentle now and I knew he was regretting yelling at her. We all hated making her mad. She tried so hard and sometimes it felt like we weren't trying enough for her. She deserved more.

"I need to get to bed. Melody has school in the morning."

"I can take her, mom. Don't worry about it."

"Jacob, if you need to stay home longer, I-"

"I don't care what those kids say, mom. They're idiots."

She sighed. "Get some sleep, sweetheart."

"Night, mom."