A Summer To Remember

Screwed Up Kids

"Well? Are you not going to call her?" Mom asked, glancing at me out the side of her eye.

I'd been quiet since we left the doctor's office. I'd been so distracted by mom's words that I hadn't given much thought to the fact that I had prosthetics coming in. It was actually happening. Yet I couldn't focus on it.

What were my plans for the future? Did I want to go to college or did I want to work in retail of some kind? I didn't want to be the kid that worked at a fast food place after college and never left their home town. That wasn't who I envisioned myself being. But it wasn't like I had many options now that football was all but out of the picture.

"Dylan?"

I looked over at her, not quite sure what she was saying to me. My head was in such a fog. I really needed a nap.

She reached up and brushed some hair out of my face. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

I nodded. I didn't want her to worry about me any more than she already was.

"This is good news. How come you don't seem happy?"

"I don't want to get my hopes up in case something happens and this doesn't work out for me. I mean, who's to say the prosthetics will even fit and work like they're supposed to?"

"The likelihood of that happening is small, Dyl. I wouldn't worry about that until the moment comes, alright?"

"Sure." I sighed.

She turned the radio on and found something she knew I'd hate. Just like always. "You should tell Jade. I think she'll be happy for you."

---

Jade sat down on the couch beside me, propping her feet up on the ottoman in front of me. "Hey."

I leaned into her side and handed over the TV remote. "You can find something else, if you want."

She stared at the TV for a few minutes before she moved onto her side and faced me. "Maybe I wanted to come talk."

I looked at her, my brows raised. "Talk about what?"

"Didn't you have a doctor's appointment today?"

I shrugged, trying not to show any emotion other than boredom. "Yeah, so?"

She sighed. "Well? How was it? How did it go?"

I lifted my right arm. "I'm still the same as I was yesterday."

"Do I need to ask your mom to get an answer?"

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell her but rather, I didn't want to be reminded that even though I was getting prosthetics, it didn't mean I was going to be me again. Things weren't going to be fixed and my life wasn't going to go back to normal. That was something I struggled with and probably would continue to struggle with and I wasn't sure Jade would understand.

I pushed myself into a more upright position. "The appointment was fine. I don't need anymore surgeries." She nodded, encouraging me to continue. "In a few weeks, I should be getting prosthetic legs."

Her eyes lit up and she hugged me to her chest. I could tell she was happy for me for which I was glad. Maybe everyone's continuous happiness for me would help me feel better about the changes.

"That's great news, Dyl. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

I sighed. "It's complicated."

"So? I came here to talk so I'd like to know everything. I want you to fill me in."

I scratched the back of my head. "I'm just... in a weird place right now. I know this is a good thing and I might start to feel normal again but... I'll never be normal, Jade. These prosthetics won't take away all the crap I've gone through in the last few months."

"You seem to forget that I'm handicapped too."

"It's different for you. This is your normal. But it's not that way for me."

She lifted my hand and kissed my fingertips. "You have a new normal to adjust to now. Even if you get 'new legs' and can walk again, it doesn't taking away from the fact that part of you was removed."

"Mom kept saying how I might learn how to play football again and I can do all these amazing things but... how long would that take me? It might be awhile before I learn to even walk. I can't even use my wheelchair on my own. It's so..."

"Overwhelming? I get it. I'm feeling that just talking about it. But look, if you don't want to play football anymore or be athletic, no one will think any less of you."

"That's the problem. Jake is smart and Mel is pretty but what do I have? I played football but that's over for me. I don't know what future I'll have."

Her eyes started to well up with tears and I realized I'd said the wrong thing and it hurt her. "What about me? Do you not see yourself with me?"

I kissed her nose softly and pressed my forehead to hers. "You're the most certain thing in my life. I just... I can't promise kids. I can't promise a job or career to support us. And even if you get pregnant, what if our kid if screwed up because all that shit is might still be inside of me?"

"It'll be screwed up because you teach it stupid things, not because of some bacteria." She said, trying to laugh.

I wiped her tears away and kissed her. "You have an answer for everything, don't you?"

"I have to in case my mom asks where I am or what I'm doing."

I laughed and pulled her close to me as I fell back onto the cushions. She grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it over us.

"We're not done talking about this, you know." She said, her voice rattling my chest. "But I need a break from crying."