Running With Scissors

WWCD?

You might be wondering why Peter inexplicably found himself in the middle of a cornfield while stark naked, save from his Calvin Klein's tighty-whities, especially since last time we say Peter was back at the woods with Bag of Sunshine and his boyfriend.

You might also be wondering why said naked Peter was handcuffed to an equally naked Massimo Forcibi, who was wearing a horse mask forcibly taped to his head. Or maybe you're asking why a bearded man dressed like Colonel Mustard was yelling at them both from a water tower while they ran amongst the corn.

But most importantly, the question of why would we start the chapter in such a weird, awkward place would be the most adequate one to ask. The answer to all of those questions can be quick be summarized with one idea: The Absurd.

The universe, as we in "Running with Scissors" have tried to establish repeatedly, is way more ridiculous that we give it credit for. Even the things that we take for granted in our everyday life are borderline insane once we strip it down from the lenses of "normality" that we have cast on ourselves.

Want an example? You're currently observing disjointed symbols arranged in a specific, universally agreed way that are displayed by a series of electric shocks, activating minuscule light cells at will on a device capable of accessing every piece of known information. Said symbols are also making you hallucinate about a delicious, golden apple that smells like cinnamon and is the size of a horse.

It is completely absurd, and we are surrounded by it every day, whether we notice it or not.

The Absurd is life itself, its twist and turns, and even its inability to properly give us a why to pretty much anything, starting with why are we living, and what should we do with this life thing.

We once proposed to change the name of "The Absurd" to "The Florida," but that seems to have lost some track since Florida was destroyed by the Squid Overlords a few years ago when someone threw an alligator at the High Inquisitor while surveying the land.

Some philosophers, like Kierkegaard, proposed that, since the Universe is pretty much a Chaotic Evil D&D player who is just doing stuff to piss off the Dungeon Master, we should find meaning for ourselves. Others, like Nietzsche, proposed we should just ignore the universe altogether, and embrace nothingness.

Since both of them lived incredibly depressing lives filled with pain and suffering, they might not be the best guides on how to live.

That's another little absurdity nugget to add to the pile: We seem to idolize the life philosophy of people who didn't know how to live at all. One of the galaxy's most prominent gurus, L'yartg the All-Knowing, spent most of his life meditating inside the core of a dying star, eating nothing but ripe yeast and drinking his own sweat. What did he know about life, but pain, and that yeast is better consumed fresh? Nothing. But still, his books have been intergalactic bestsellers for almost an eon.

And we do that all the time. We go to priests for guidance in marriage, even though they can't have a spouse of their own. We trust in judges to properly score sporting events, even though they're as fit as a can of lard. We even seek the wisdoms of politicians to craft our laws, which is kind of a moot point, since a prerequisite of being a politician is having no wisdom of their own whatsoever.

But you know what? This ends now. We at "Running with Scissors" are committing to end this cycle of idolatry here! We will only follow the philosophy of people who lived their lives to the fullest, and there's none better than Albert Camus to teach us about life, and more topically, the Absurd.

Camus rejected Kierkegaard's existentialism and Nietzsche's nihilism with force. The Absurd wasn't something to be rejected or tolerated, but it was something to be enjoyed. Make the best out of the chaos, and have fun with it! Punch a communist in the nose, marry a drug-addict, paraglide into a supermarket and make a cereal out of condensed milk and Reese's Pieces. The world is your toilet—take a dump on it!