I make a lot of mistakes. I know as human beings we fuck up and I always remind people that it's normal when they ask me for advice, but it seems like I can never do right. When I think things are going well and i'm happy, it all gets torn down. I do things without noticing, I hurt the only thing I love by being a mindless idiot, and I fail to realize that i'm stumbling with every new step I take. I thought things were getting better for me, at last a sigh of relief, but it never came. Instead i'm suffocated by my own hands, hidden beneath a layer of hope that's slowly fading. I hate to hurt her, to see her feelings of anger towards me or when she expresses that i'm killing her slowly. Her broken heart breaks mine. I don't know..if i'm the cause of this. If she is miserable by my own works, if she's holding on for the sake of holding on. She doesn't want to hurt me. Or maybe she needs me just the same. But I cannot stop disappointing her, ashamed of myself. I am a tree that cannot produce fruit. Stunted. No matter how hard I try to break free of the chains condemning me, I stay locked away. I hope that i'm not hurting you, I hope you love me, I hope i'm not making you change your mind again. I hope this mistake wasn't mine, because i've thrown my entire heart in the incinerator of your soul and there is no fixing me if i've lost you. I wish I could be good enough. Great. Better for you. I've fallen short. I know that I am worthless, my pointless actions doing nothing but taking up the time of those surrounding me. If there was a tinker that could swoop me up and fix every broken part of me so that I could make her happy for once, I would do it at the cost of my own well-being. I am undeserving. I agree.
