Happy? M.YG X BTS

4

I stared at the small peice of metal. How could one thing this small cause such damage?
I moved the blade towards my arm.

'It wont be that bad! Its been a while since you've done this, but you can do it again. No ones here to stop you'

I hesitated for a moment as I heard the voice say that. No one is here to stop me...

Which basicaly equivilants to No one cares, right?

Because no one really does care. I used to be included in things when I was with the members, but now they dont include me.

Maybe its because i've become fat? I used to be skinny, so maybe that's why they loved me before. I have to go on a diet now. Maybe when I'm skinny again people will love me...

I snapped out of my thoughts and brought the blade down on my arm, slicing sideways again and again. The pain was amazing, and with every slash of my skin, the voices yelling horrible things at me quieted. Then the extra pain from cutting over cuts brought me back from the euphoric state I was in for that short time.

"Shit, shit, shit!"
I cut way too much, blood dripping mercilessly from my arm and the many cuts to the bathroom tile.

I muttered more curses under my breath as I got up and almost fell down again, a rush of dizziness nearly overtaking me.

I stood back up, holding onto the sink for support, and stripped, my mind starting to blank because of the pain in my arm, and got into the shower.
Its the best way to clean the cuts and wash away the blood.

Cutting, for me, creates enough external pain to numb that inside my head, the voices and the bad thoughts that keep me up in the late hours of the night, possessing my mind to a state where I can't do anything but think, until I get snapped out of it.

Sometimes its by one of the members trying to get my attention, though that is rare now, sometimes by a phone ringing, or an animal nudging me, or.... My blade.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 364 words!
Alright, so, for the very few of you that are actually reading this, ignore the chapter I posted earlier, it was nothing and wasnt even posted for more than 5 minutes anyways.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, ill try to post a new one soon!