Love as War {#3}

Chapter 3 - Sirius

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Unedited

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Sirius had been keeping an eye on me. Like watching me twenty- four -seven. It was like he was afraid Id disapear. I was just happy to spend more time with him. We hadnt been able to talk much and I was excited to get to know my future adoptive father.

He spent his time with me telling me stories of mom and dad.

Dad had been in a group called the marauders. They had four members, Padfoot, prongs, moony, and wormtail. Padfoot was Sirius, Prongs was my dad, moony was Remus and wormtail was Peter Pettigrew. They created the marauders map that Harry always has. Their mission in life was to cause as much mischief as possible.

He told me of all the times they snuck out of Hogwarts into Hogsmeade to get drunk and play around. He also told me of all the times they had helped Moony, or Remus, as he would transform into his werewolf state.

They were the best of friends. All until Wormtail, who was my parents secret keeper, gave up my parents location to you-know-who. My parents died and Sirius had been blamed for the murder. He had been the one to find them and what was left of Peter Pettigrew, a finger. The ministry found him crying next to their bodies and made connections that weren't quite right. He wishes everyday he could go back and convince my parents to make him secret keeper instead.

Sirius had also confided in me how troubling Azkaban had been. Getting your soul sucked by a dementor was even more torturous than the cruciatas curse. He shuddered at the thought of dementors.

He also told me about my mom. I looked so much like her that anyone would know I'm her daughter. I got her sense of justice too. My mom had also apparently been friends with Snape before he shunned her for being a mudblood.

I had grown angry at that. Apparently my mom always stood up for him in front of bully's, he had no right to say that too her. My mother is still more witch then he'll ever be.

My father was tall, dark, and handsome, he apparently had a bit of a dorky side but a lot of girls liked him. He was charming and mischievous. Harry got some of that but not really the tall part, or the super charming part either. Harry was more quiet and reserved. He was also really awkward under pressure. Dad was quick on his feet, bold and daring.

Then Sirius told me of how he was the one bullying Snape. That part made me sad, to know my dad had been the bully. Apparently once he started dating mom he got better. That made me a little happier to know that he loved her enough to change.

I loved hearing about my parents. But sometimes the stories just made my heart hurt. Knowing I never got the chance to see then, talk to them, for my mom to hug me and my dad to sit me on his shoulders.

I never had anyone care for me in my foster home. It was an endless revolving door of faces with no compassion.

It makes me glad that I was able to come here, find that I have a brother and a godfather. Both of witch are awesome.

I pray everyday I dont see Harry that he will just suddenly apparate onto the shore of the beach, or an order member would say he's safe with them. Our last conversation wasn't necessarily our best and I just want him to know how much he means too me. If one of us where to die before then I know we would both regret it.

The day he told me I was dead weight he was kind of right. He's been fighting this battle since he was eleven. I just happened to come into this when I was fifteen. I hadn't established the bond he had with Hermione and Ron. I was the side mission. The extra level bonus. I would just get in the way, I feel like I'm never contributing enough. If I had the chance though I would find him again and help in any way I could. But theres always the fear in the back of my mind that I wasn't wanted. That he didnt want or need me around.

Call it desperation or abandonment issues, but I was starting to believe he didnt want me there. That Hermione and Ron dont either. I feel lost in the sea of what ifs. What if I had gone with Sirius after the wedding. Would they have been more successful in their tasks? Would they have missed me?

I was tired of thinking about it so much. But I couldn't stop, I had developed insomnia from it, sleeping when I could. which was usually during the days, and just thinking when I was awake.

Eventually Fleur caught on to my anxiety and insomnia and kept me on potions to get me back into a normal schedule. I became numb for about a month. That's when Fleur began to slow the potions down. Eventually the potions stopped and I was almost back to normal. I had learned to tune out the thoughts and just live.

I lived at Shell Cottage for months. My days consisted of sleeping to heal, then taking a dip in the ocean while it was still a bit warm out, then talking with Sirius until dinner.

It was a nice vacation from the action but I had begun to think again. This time about how to get back to Harry. I had realized this wasn't just his battle. They were my parents too, I have a mark and see visions too. I was just as much apart of this as he was and I was going to prove myself useful. I began listening to potter watch constantly hoping Id catch wind of them. But there was nothing for months.

I also kept trying to open the stupid necklace Dumbledore had given me, but with no luck.

I was utterly useless and felt so lost.

I began asking the order to send me on missions but they refused every time. I was to sit still and look pretty basically. Those weren't there exact words but I got the gist after "your just as important as Harry, there after you too you know!" I gave up on that front.

That's when the depression set in. The lack of will to do much. I didnt eat much, I slept too much, and my brain shut down. Fleur did not have a cure for this so I was left to deal with it on my own. I stopped going outside and the only time I left my room was to speak with Sirius and eat dinner.

I essentially just waited and waited and waited. Days turned to weeks turned to months.

My life had hit snails pace and I wished there was more I could do.

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Sorry for the short boring chapter, things pick up in the next chapter! Promise!