Amongst the Order (Watchers of the Veil #1)

Chapter 19

Alex and I managed to secure rooms for ourselves and the twins, then headed back to the cars to grab an overnight bag for the four of us. As I held the car door to close it, I reached back in for a book for Alfie.

"For one night?" said Alex.
"To be realistic, I should probably take two," I joked.
"Have you initiated an apology yet?"
"I... wasn't sure I was the one initiating it."
"Erika."
"What? I'm not going to apologise for his behaviour!"
"No but you can apologise for yours. You yelled at him, didn't you?"
"I didn't yell I just... sternly told him off for almost getting his sister killed."
"Then you apologise for sternly telling him off and he'll apologise for almost getting his sister killed."
"I think you've mismatched your priorities a little there, Alex."

Alex chuckled but then his face fell, a sigh expelling from his lips. "Both sides need to be willing to apologise for this to work. You're both stubborn. One of you needs to be the bigger person."
I tutted. "Fine."

"It'll be for the best," he said, a sadness twinkling in his eyes. "Trust me."

Once settled into our rooms, I made the decision to apologise to Alfie. Even if I was reluctant to do so, we had to make amends before I left with the other hunters. Diana left them in my charge; they needed an example to be set for them and I couldn't do that if my own stubbornness kept me from talking to them.

Florence said she was taking the boys back to the assembly hall for some food, so that was where I expected them to be. When I opened the door, however, ready to go grab Alex from next door and take him with me, Alfie was standing with his fist raised, ready to knock.

"Hi, Alf," I said. "Everything okay? I was just coming to find you all."
"Florence said I should speak to you," he replied, his voice quiet. "She told me why you were angry — I get it — and said I should speak to you."
Florence could see the problem, at least. It surprised me, considering how little she apologised to her own brother but maybe even she knew how grave the situation was tomorrow. "I was actually coming to talk to you as well."
"I'm sorry for what happened to Flo. Really, I am. I don't know why I froze up but I did and... and I don't know how to fix it I just—" He wiped his glasses as his breathing grew shallow. "I can't stop freezing when I'm afraid. Why does that happen?"

The guilt for ever being angry at him knocked me sick. He tried — he really, really did — and I knew in my heart he could do no more than what the anxiety in him allowed, but dad's stern words he said to me as a child rang strong.

Hunters can't be afraid.

Slowly, I shook my head. "I don't know, Alf. But if this is who you are, I can't be angry at you. It's not fair and I'm sorry."
"It is who I am. But maybe I can change it. I can, can't I? Anyone can change, right?"
I wasn't sure. "I suppose," I said with a shrug.
"I can't promise when, but I will. I'll stop freezing up, stop being afraid. I don't know how but I'll try. I will."

Ever since I took the twins with me on this hunt, I had compared the two. They were polar opposites, the two of them. Alfie was smart, Florence more ignorant; she was stronger, he was weaker. I had been harder on Alfie for his physical weakness compared to his sister, when I should have valued his strengths even more. He discovered the haunting at the hotel, he solved it off his own volition and it was him that braved a battle of wits with The Collector. Physically weak or not, he was an asset to our group while I had treated him like a burden. Diana left him in my care and I was a poor excuse for a teacher for expecting them to be perfect right away.

"I know you will," I replied. "You've given me your word and I believe you."

He smiled; a rare sight for him. And he raised his arms slightly, angling them towards my shoulders, then changed his mind. "Should we go meet the others?" he said instead. "I didn't eat anything earlier and I'm quite hungry."
I smiled back, understanding. "Me too."