Charming Hex :hellfire

Close up nudity

Adrian

I don’t know how to explain how I am feeling about everything right now. Rejected, confused, a bit addicted maybe. Hex booted me out the door saying she would think about what I said about her being mine, but I somehow think I may have said the complete wrong thing. I admit I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to her. She isnt easy, she didn’t come to me, and most importantly, I actually care. I fucking care enough to try. I have never pursued a woman, enough came to me after my ex that it wasn’t needed. 

It has been three days since I have seen her, three days since she kissed me. I feel like I am loosing my mind, I miss her. Her attitude, her sass, her smile. She invades my thoughts all day long, even during the busiest or most mundane times. Grim can be telling me about a job and I am wondering if she is working, sitting at her laptop with that intense look on her face. I think about her while I am working, tonight I almost slipped up and missed my target because I was reminded of her.

I know I told her I don’t do relationships but I am not sure if that is really how I feel when it comes to her. She does something to me that I cant explain, I feel like I cant get enough of just touching her. I have never experienced something like this.

Kate, my ex, was different, I just let her lead me around and, well, she wanted to be treated like a whore. Her words, and that should have told me something but I was blind. Completely taken in by the easy sex and her treacherous body. She took advantage of my feelings for her and stomped my heart into the dirt. I had thought I was broken, after her I became a shell with little emotion. I used women like tissues, not caring if they even enjoyed the short time we spent together. I was angry at everything female, thinking they were all like her, easy.

I am not sure when I recovered but I must have if I am even considering this thing I feel with Hex. I am considering it, thinking hard on what exactly I want from her. I know she doesn't trust easily and I can’t help but wonder just how deep it goes. Can I get her out of her shell? I remember what Detective Garcia had told me about her past and I worry. Stalkers and abuse, she has been through so much it’s a wonder she let me in at all.

The fact she hasn’t called me or texted me since I left her house really bothers me, like to the point I am making up scenarios in my head, but I haven't tried either. It could be fear that has stopped me, a fear she may not want to see me anymore or that she can no longer be my friend. I haven't known her that long but I know we have a connection, something beyond me wanting to touch her.

I reach for my nightstand, grabbing my phone. Three am. I could text her now, suck it up and see how she is doing. I unlock the screen and try to think what to say.

A: How is it going?

Staring at the words for a moment, I hit send, scolding myself for the basic question but coming up with nothing else. I don’t know what I can do to soften her up a bit towards me. I need her to accept me. Flopping back on the bed I throw my arm over my eyes in thought. How do I show her that I want her, that I want to be more than a friend?

H: Work has me slammed, had to do an emergency job for a friend. New editor left tons of mistakes and their manuscript needs to be in by Monday.

She's up! I feel giddy for a moment that she even responded when she sounds busy. I can’t reply fast enough.

A: I thought you'd be sleeping

H: Then why did you message me??

Can I tell her? Should I? Honesty, don’t fail me now.

A: Dunno. Missed you I guess.

I don’t get a response for ten whole minutes. Ten minutes of my heart beating rapidly, panic running havoc through my head. Laying back on my deflated pillow feeling much the same I set my phone aside. I screwed up again. I don’t know what the right thing is to do when it comes to this.  What is this woman doing to me?