Charming Hex :hellfire

Making up (1)

Hex

I slide into the wide black leather bench style backseat of my car and sit as far away as I can, pressing my back into the opposite door. He slides in behind me with some sort of goofy unsure grin on his face and his hands fisting at his pants. I can see him trying to concentrate as he shakes his head.

"I shouldn't have left." His voice breaks as he states but he doesn't look at me.

"No shit." I laugh, humorlessly and watch his shoulders relax slightly at the sound.

He turns to face me, cocking his brow as our knees touch. "I am not a good man.."

"So you have told me." I am beginning to get annoyed by his repetition.

"But I haven't. I hurt people, even kill people, I make people disappear. I enjoy my life. I thought it was enough. I thought I was living the dream. Pussy all the time, fighting to get rid of frustrations, and a line of assholes waiting to die. My club means everything to me. They are my brothers, my family... but.."

He trails off and I bite my tongue to stop myself from demanding he hurry this up. I am buzzed and irritable, but mostly I am emotionally spent. This week has been rough. I stare as he fidgets.

"Didn't even know something was missing until…" he swallows audibly and looks over at me. "I am a fucking coward... I want you Hex. I need you. In my arms everynight so I can have peace. I miss you so much at night…"

I let a sarcastic laugh pass my lips and the hurt in his amber eyes immediately makes me regret it, yet I remain silent. He bites his bottom lip and scoots slowly closer to me, his rough hand ghosting over my leg causing my heart to leap in my chest. It isn't that I don't care about him or that I am not attracted to this hunk of a man. I could have fallen for him. His charms, his wit, his adoration.

"I have never thought that I would want this…but please Hex. I want to show you my life, introduce you to my family, judge me based on all of me…not just the face I put on for others but the real, true me. I want to lay myself bare before you and then let you decide if you can belong to me because no matter what I belong to you… my heart screams it, my soul." He is whispering. "I got a call, it was an emergency, two dead... I just went into work mode, a completely different head space. Suddenly I wanted nothing more than to kill who hurt my family. You were sleeping, so soundly….I thought I could forget about you and not drag you into my fucked up world but you are it. You are my one person. I can't  help how I feel about you. I don't want to pretend otherwise right now… I was scared that you would run away, that you wouldn't accept what I do. I don't want you to get hurt because of what I do…"

"Well shit." I sigh and shake my head letting my hair fall in my face. How do I respond to that? I coax myself to look back at him and he looks on the verge of panic.

Starring into his eyes I watch the emotions play across his face. I want to comfort him, pull him into me and press him against me but I continue to watch. His amber eyes turn glassy and he looks away.

"Adrian." I say softly and I can see he heard me as his head tilt towards my voice. "I can't forgive you right now… but I can give you a chance to make sure it never happens again. I can't tell you how I will feel after you show me the real you but I think you at least deserve the chance to show me… and I can show you me, in all my fucked up glory.."

"I would like that." He mutters as he turns back to me and pulls me into his embrace, his warm arms pulling me in.

We sit in silence, cuddled into each other in my back seat before a thought drifts through my head. Could I deal with losing this man again? Probably not. But could I put myself out there to get hurt all over again? Definitely not. I can't bear to break again, eventually I won't be able to piece myself back together.

"I need to go home.." I manage to force the words out as my heart breaks more. I pull out of his arms and give him my best fake smile. He won't be happy with a girl like me. He deserves to be happy. "You should go enjoy your night and forget all about me. I am not worth it."

Adrian frowns and grabs my wrist as I go to get out. "No Hex. I can't enjoy my night or my life or anything fucking else unless I know we are okay. I won't let this go, I can't. We belong together."

I groan as his words hit me hard, but I hide it well beneath my cold exterior. "We are better but not okay… I don't know that we can be okay."

"Then I am not going anywhere." He states firmly as he scoots closer. "I need this to be okay. I need you Hex."

"I am going home. You need to go be with your club." I growl back out of uncertainty, my heart squeezing in my chest. I don't really want to part with him but for my own peace of mind I need to get away. "Whatever is or was between us isn't something you just fix with pretty words. There are to many things to get over for one night to repair it. You need to understand this…I trusted you…"

I can feel his fingers dig into my skin knowing they will leave a mark but I don't pull away instead using the discomfort to focus. He has to understand that I am not the girl for him, not the woman who will roll over and give in with a few pretty words. I truely want to give him a chance but that doesn't mean we are back together, right?

"Hex.." Adrian's voice is low and breathy as he pulls me back and into his lap, his arms snaking around me tightly. "I do understand. I hurt you. I know it will take time to fix it, to earn back what I have lost, but I want to do it, more than anything.… Let me take you home… I won't try anything but I want to hold you tonight. Please."

I want to tell him no, I need to, but the look in his eyes tells me that something terrible might happen  if I turn him away now so I eventually give in to those pleading amber eyes. "Just for tonight then you have some work to do if this is what you want. I am not some push over, I won't let you use me. I will give you one chance though because we all make mistakes."

His eyes light up, like honey on a warm day, and he presses his forehead to mine. "You won't   regret it. Promise. You won't regret it."

"Better not." I smile and chuckle a bit under my breath. I lean over and dig my keys out from my bag and hand them to him. "Take me home then."

He smirks and scoots me off his lap, kissing my check softly before getting into the front. My body relaxes across the cushy bench seat as the engine rumbles to life and I hear him making an impressed sound. I giggle, my baby has more get up and go than one might think.

The ride was quiet, pleasant almost until I hear the telltale sounds that we have arrived and sit up absolutely confused by what's in front of me. The house is small and square with a large porch, the siding is a pale blue and the trim is gray, hedges grow along the drive and the lawn is well maintained. A separate garage sits beside it with Adrian's truck in front of it and it dawns on me where I am.

"Your house?" I ask as he parks.

"My house." He replies quietly, taking the keys from the ignition and getting out of the car. I don't have a chance to move as the door opens and he scoops me up in a swift motion.

He sets me on my feet as we reach the porch and I take in it's simplicity. A set of chairs, a small table with a plastic ash try at the center, a single potted plant that looks in dire need of pruning. The windowless gray door opens and he guides me to enter first.

Walls of off white, a large livingroom and kitchen, leather sofa's and dark wood flooring. It is masculine but neat. Several rifles hang over the sofas, large flat screen TV, big speakers in the corners. I can see a small hallway at one end and assume that is where the bedroom is.

How many girls have seen his bed? How many has he brought to this place before me?

"You know.." He rubs his neck as he closes the door and kicks his shoes off. "I think you might be the fifth person who has been in my house..Grim and Dex helped me move in and Ice and Trigger have come for work but I don't bring people here. Its my space…I don't want other people here, but you...I can't keep you out. I belong to you so in reality it is yours too."

I blush, hard. Like I am sure my ears are red I blush so hard.