To be so Lonely

3

I walk, no I run through the corridor back to my dressing room.

What have I done? I've just exposed Louis. I've just confirmed all the Larry theories. I'm in trouble.

I feel tears filling up my eyes, because I realize that I've messed up every chance I had left with Louis for good now. I'm so deep in my thoughts, that I don't notice the girl walking around the corner. The next thing I remember is me on the floor on top of a small figure. „What the fuck?", I hear a voice screaming. I quickly get up on my feet again, pulling the other person up with me. „I'm so sorry! Really, I didn't watch where I was going. I'm so sorry, are you hurt?", I'm stuttering, embarrassed, eyes on the floor.
„Harry?", the person asks surprised. My head snaps back up and I stare at Lia, the girl who's done my hair a couple of hours ago. „I'm so sorry!", I say again and look at her. A small bruise is already forming on her right cheek and I feel guilty.

My tears are on the edge of leaving my eyes. I feel like shit. It's just too much to handle right now. Lia observes my face and frowns. „Are you okay?", she asks, not really sure how to handle my appearance. I try to tell her that I'm fine, I really want to tell her, that I'm fine, but I can't. So I shake my head. I feel the first tear rolling down my cheek and I quickly look back on the ground. Lia remains silent for a few seconds, leaving me sobbing quietly.
Suddenly she grabs my hand and pulls me through the corridor. „Come with me!", she says and I follow her without hesitation. We walk into a lift and I slowly calm down again. Lia pushes the highest button on the side of the wall and the door starts closing. „I'm really sorry, that I hurt you!", I say again, quietly and look at her face. The bruise on her face is now as pink as her hair and I ask myself how I could not have noticed her hair in the corridor.

„I'm okay! I'm more worried about you actually!", Lia answers and smiles slightly. Before I get the chance to reply something the lift stops and Lia pulls me through the now open doors. I find myself on top of the building again and I'm speechless. A wonderful rooftop garden surrounds us and I immediately feel better. The bitter feeling the inside of the studio building has given me disappears and I take a deep breath. Lia doesn't give me any time to stop for a second and pulls me to one of the chairs at the end of the terrace. „Sit!", she demands and I obey. I look over the roofs of Manchester, the city who's given me so many wonderful memories during my childhood and teenage years. The city who once was the perfect meeting point between Louis' hometown and mine. „And now speak!", Lia continues to command. I look at the young girl in front of me, that seems to be so much more mature than me. A small voice inside my head whispers: Can you trust her?

After some minutes of having an inner battle, I decide to tell her everything. On the one hand, because I finally need to get it off my chest and I don't have another person to talk to. On the other hand, because I have already spilled the tea about Louis and me, so there's nothing this girl can harm me with left.

„Well, as you know I've had an interview today and I may or may not have just exposed my relationship with Louis to thousands of listeners.", I start. Lia's face expression turns into shock. „Oh, shit! Tell me you're joking!", she puffs. „Unfortunately not!", I sigh and look back at the buildings below my feet. „How?", Lia asks and I start to like her forwardness. She kinda reminds me of Lottie, the way she's throws questions at me without hesitating. I can't help but chuckle a bit. She raises her eyebrows and gives me a confused look. „Sorry, you just remind me so much of someone I know. You would love her.", I explain, a sad smile on my lips. „I bet I would!", she answers in a soft tone. „But you're changing the topic.".

I sigh and feel the tears coming back. „I don't know how much you know about the story of Louis and me, but it all started at the first audition at X-Factor, 10 years ago...", I start. Lia and I continue to talk for some time. Well, more like I talk and she listens. I'm really grateful, that she doesn't interrupt me and doesn't judge me for my actions and feelings." ...and I took that pill before the interview, because last night was just too much and I knew that this was only the beginning. I'm scared, Lia. Scared that I won't be able to handle all of this. And I'm so disappointed in myself, because I've dragged Louis into my mess. I've lied to my best mate and promised him to stop taking drugs although I've already been so high that I was a danger for every other driver out there.", my voice fades out and I start sobbing again. Lia gets out of the chair, she's been sitting in, walks around the table between us and wraps her tiny arms around my body.

„I know, that you're strong enough to get through this! Just explain everything to your best friend, he'll get that! And with Louis, I think you need to talk! I have a feeling that this conversation is overdue for a long time by now. Let's get back downstairs and bring you back to your management. They're probably worried as hell. Talk to them and maybe you'll find a solution for this problem.". I wipe my eyes and give her a quick peck on the cheek. I'm relieved that she does not try to give me some psychological advice or something. She knows that I've just needed to get it off my chest. „Thank you, Lia! Seriously. I'm sorry that you had to listen to my bullshit and I'm really sorry for the bruise on your face!", I say and softly stroke over the pink bruise, that slowly turns into a violet shade. „Oh, it's alright! I've always dreamed about getting a black eye. Now I look like a bad bitch and I can say, that the Harry Styles gave it to me, before I kicked his arse!", she winks, laughing and I can help but laugh with her.

__________

The second I step into the dressing room, I know that I'm in way more trouble than I've assumed. „HARRY!", I hear my manager shouting and flinch at the tone of his voice. He's pissed. „Where were you?! We were worried you've jumped out of the next window or something!", he shouts and I look at him, surprised at his words. I've reckoned on endless lectures about the interview, but instead I suddenly feel two strong arms around my body. „Harry, whatever shit you've caused with that interview, and let me tell you we're in deep shit, we find a way to figure this out!", he mumbles and pulls away again.

I'm shocked. I seriously don't know what to say.

My manager decides to continue his little speech. „Louis' PR manager already called. They want a statement, that this boy, you were talking about in your interview, isn't Louis!". I finally find my words again. „I've never said his name!", I mumble and pin my eyes on the floor. „I know, but you made it quite obvious, who you were talking about. I mean, there's still a lot of room for interpretation but you know the fandom. It's finally their time to shine with all their Larry theories.". I slowly nod, not able to hide a little smile as he mentions the fandom.

I yawn. I'm exhausted and I still feel the aftermath of the pill and yesterday's piss up.
„Let's get you home, Harry!", my manager mumbles and nods to his assistant. She picks up my bag and together we leave the radio station. My manager decides to drive my car, knowing that I'm not capable to do it myself. It's a rare situation and I suddenly feel really happy to have such a great and supporting management. „Can you bring me home?", I whisper, my head against the window of the car. „Of course! We'll be in London in a couple of hours.", he answers, eyes pinned on the road. „No, I don't want to be alone. Bring me home, please!", I answer and I see my manager nodding.

__________

45 minutes later I spot the familiar houses of my hometown. My manager parks in front of my childhood home. „Bye, Mr. Styles. We'll see each other in two days! And keep clean, Harry! Please, just try to stop drowning your sorrows in alcohol and drugs. And maybe you should finally try to talk to Louis!", he says, before he gets out of the car. I watch him climbing in his assistant's car, who was following us all the way up here and wave him goodbye as he drives of.

I take a deep breath and get out of the car. My mum's already waiting for me on the doorsteps. I assume, that she's spotted my car out of the kitchen window. I walk up the little path to our house and let myself fall into her already open arms. „Shh, it's okay, honey!", she mumbles, stroking my hair while I sob into her shirt. „I'm so sorry, mum!", I cry out. „I know, darling, I know! But he'll get the point, why you've done it!", she says and drags me into the house. I immediately know, that she's listened to my interview and has talked to Gemma and Niall about it already. I lay down on the couch and she wraps a blanket around my body.

„I miss him so much!", I sob, slowly drifting into sleep. My mum sits next to me, petting my hair and mumbling comforting words. The moment my mum thinks I'm asleep, she pecks my forehead and gets up. As I feel her eyes still on me and her hand stroking my hair out of my closed eyes, I hear her mumbling the words that'll hunt me for the next days and which let me assume, that she knows much more, than she's willing to tell me:

„He misses you, too, honey. He's just too afraid to admit it!".