To be so Lonely

4

He didn't call.

After I wake up, I immediately take a look on my phone. Part of me is scared to read his name on the display, scared to be confronted with my mistake. Another part of me is disappointed when I check the phone and don't see his name.

"Good morning, honey!", my mum greets me and sits next to me on the couch. I'm still wearing the same clothes I've passed out in yesterday. I feel sticky and smelly. I feel the dried up tears on my cheeks and sweat on my whole body due to my nightmares last night. "Morning, mum!", I mumble and suddenly feel ten again. Although I know that I must me disgusting, I hug her tightly and burrow my face in her hair. I feel vulnerable and I suddenly have the sudden urge to be hold and protected by my mum.

"You're alright, honey?", she whispers and slowly strokes my hair. I don't answer, just clinge more on to her. "Darling, everything's gonna be fine!", she whispers and slowly tries to wiggle herself out of my embrace. She forces me to look at her and I can see nothing but love in her eyes. "Go take a quick shower and after that I'll make you something to eat.". I nod and give her a small peck on her cheek. "Thank you!", I mumble and force myself out of the couch.

A quick shower turns into a long one with endless thoughts running through my mind. After nearly an hour I step out of the bathroom and make my way into the kitchen.

"Oh, wait honey, he's coming!", I hear my mum's voice from the room next to me. Curiously I enter the living room and see my mum sitting on the couch, my phone on her ear. "I'll hand him the phone. Bye, see you later!", she says and gives me the phone. I sit down next to her and take the phone. It's either Gemma or Niall, because they're the only person I know, that she calls 'honey' besides me.

There used to be another one, but she hasn't had the chance to call him 'honey' in a long time.

"Hello?", my voice cracks. "Mate, you sound horrible!". It's Niall. "No shit.", I mumble and watch my mum leaving the room. "Harry, don't give me that attitude! I'm the pissed off one here. You broke your promise! You can be lucky, that I'm still talking to you!", Niall exclaims and I rub my left temple. "I didn't break my promise. I'd already taken the pill, when I made you that promise. I promised to not take more drugs from that moment on. So I didn't break the promise.", I answer slowly.

"You're an arsehole, Harry. Do you know that? I was worried as hell after that night and all you do is go out and break literally all rules that were left. I've listened to the interview and although you didn't say a name, it was quite obvious, who you were talking about. Social media is exploding right now. And seriously, after I've seen Louis' reaction to a drunk text message from you, I don't want to know, how much he freaked out last night!".

I slowly feel the tears coming back. I feel pathetic and horrible. "You're right, I'm an arse. Why are you still friends with me? I don't deserve this. Not after all I've gotten Louis, you and Lottie into. You really should leave me alone, because I'm not good for you.", I mumble, my voice thick because of the tears stuck in the back of my throat.

"No, Harry. I won't leave you alone and you know that. Actually I've just landed in London and I'll be on my way to Holmes Chapel soon. I won't leave you hanging right now! I'm still really mad, that you took that pill yesterday, but I still love you, Haz! You're my best friend and I'll be here for you, no matter how much crap I'm going to eat! We'll find a way to fix this together.", he says and I let out a sob. "How do I deserve you?", I ask and let me fall back against the couch. I hear a little chuckle from the other side of the phone and feel immediately better.

"I'll see you soon, Harry. And pick up the phone, if Louis calls you! I don't think he will, but you need to speak to him one day, so if he calls, don't ignore him!", he says and I frown. "You're the third person, who told me that I need to talk with him.", I grumble. "Maybe because it's long overdue.", Niall answers and I suddenly have pink curls in my mind. Niall would perfectly get along with Lia. "See ya soon! Bye, Nialler!", I say and after I've heard his little 'Bye, Haz.' I hang up.