To be so Lonely

8

The days went by and I slowly got better. I spent the days after my statement with Niall. He'd offered to stay with me for a week and I gratefully accepted his offer. I didn't want to be alone. Gemma left two days after the statement to fly to Paris. She told me that she was proud of me and that she loved me, when she left my house and I might or might not have shred a little tear at her leaving.

Lottie called me 4 days after management had posted my video. We talked for an hour, cried and apologized for our behaviors. In the end we decided to take a little break from our friendship for Louis' sake. Lottie told me, that he wasn't feeling well. My statement brought back all the emotions and memories once again and Lottie had to pick him up sobbing and crying in the middle of the night. My heart had clenched at her words and I agreed to a little break. It was better for Louis and it was better for me. It was time to move on and I knew that I'll miss Lottie, but I needed some space between Louis and I. A few days after Lottie's call I heard rumors, that Louis and El were struggling. And I didn't know whether to be happy or sad for Louis.

Niall left after a week full of Fifa games and late night talks. I've stopped drinking and taking drugs completely and kept my mood up with Tacos and Friends. I really enjoyed having Niall around and as the days passed by the memories of the band days and a certain blue eyed men faded more and more.

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I hear my phone ringing and force myself to open my eyes. The first morning light is shining through my curtains, but besides that my room is still dark. A quick glance at the clock on my nightstand tells me that it's 7.30 in the morning. Sourly I turn around and look for my phone, that's somewhere hidden between my sheets. Finally I find that damn thing and answer the call. "Mm?", I scoff out. "Good morning, Mr. Styles. Your manager wants to remind you, that you have an appointment at 9am in his office today.", a woman's voice chirps into the phone. I know this voice and it hunts me in my nightmares. "Tell him, that I'll be there. He has nothing to worry about", I grumble, my morning voice raspy and deep. Her breathing hitches. I rub through my sleepy eyes with the hand I've got left and slowly scoot myself up. "I will. I'm sorry, that I've woken you up, Mr. Styles.", she apologizes and I roll my eyes. How can someone be so polite and energetic at freaking 7.30 in the morning? But treat people with kindness, remember. So I put my fake friendly mood on and smile into the darkness as I answer her: "Don't worry, Lauren. I was about to get up anyways. See you later.". I hear a sigh of relief and a quick "Goodbye.". I hang up the call and groan in frustration. I so tired.

After another couple of minutes I get out of bed and drag myself into the shower. After the shower I slowly walk downstairs into the kitchen. It's a strange feeling to be all alone again. My house is definitely too big for one person and I already feel lonely, although Niall has only left me yesterday. He had to go back to his apartment and get everything ready for studio days to get the final touches on his album finished. I know that I will probably not see him for the next few weeks, because he told me about several interview appointments and music video shoots. But thank God, he'll stay in London for a while now. It feels better to know, that he's not far.

I make myself some breakfast and quickly drive to work.

"Harry, my man! How are you?", my manager greets me with a hug as soon as I enter the office. It's still a strange feeling to be hugged by him, but I'm slowly getting used to it since he was doing it since the interview. "I'm fine", I reply with a smile. He scruchinizes me from head to toe. "You look better.", he states and I smile. I haven't seen him since the shoot of my statement, because he thought I needed a break to recover and he was right. I definitely needed the break to sober up and get my shit together.
"I am better, thank you!", I answer with a smile and take a seat in front of his desk. He sits down in front of me and opens his tablet.