This is a collection of poems and letters that are unlikely to be sent to their rightful owners. Each supposed-to-be receiver of the works is given names to connect the chapters where they were mentioned and to discover what role they played in the...
I wrote this letter in the middle of the night because I suddenly felt the urge to type it quickly or else I might lose the chance to pour these thoughts of mine as a whole. I think all of you should know better than anyone else that the ideas you've come up with could be short-lived and fleeting, so here it goes.
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I started writing around thirteen or fourteen years old. I was neither encouraged nor inspired to do so exactly but I just got struck by the feeling that I have to open my laptop and type the story I want to share with other people.
It wasn't simple to find people who can hear you out. There are a lot of bibliophiles and creative people out there who could listen but not all of them could actually relate to how you feel by standing as an amateur writer with no such background for making stories. Finding one is not necessarily needed to write, but I can almost imagine how invincible would I feel if I have one.
It's quite difficult to start a journey that is already being nailed by numerous writers, both local and international. I swear I've asked myself many times if I will still join the ride because I might arrive at a specific point and realize that there are way too many people for the readers to notice someone like me, me who is only trained for campus journalism and not creative writing. I also swear to have cussed many times due to my insecurity that I will be stepping into a road with people who have studied walking on it. I felt like a stranger to a road that I thought I already know.
The insecurity as an aspiring writer is not as shallow as what others expect it to be. Many would say that it's natural because there are writers who already have their works published and there are also professionals who have signed and notarized pieces of evidence of their credibility. The writers' insecurity doesn't fade from day one up to this day. You could say that I'm doomed to suffer from it for eternity.
Published author or not, having a fandom or not, being famous or not, being contracted or not, a simple glance to other people can make you affected by that virus called insecurity. Especially for someone like me who is raised to be competitive all the time to earn everything that's on the mountain's peak, taking baby steps didn't let me sleep comfortably at all. It's a fight I can barely get a draw as a result. Even so, is it wrong to be ambitious at least this much? No. It's one of the sets of factors that maintain the fire burning.
I've experienced pleading to my classmates and friends to read it and to give me their feedback so that I could improve slowly. I've spent two to three hours of writing only to edit it for a few more times on the next hour just to be sure that I won't embarrass myself for starting this unpredictable journey. Anticipating their comments with a nervous heart, it's as if the world is almost coming to an end and you're on its center. It's like everything is crumbling and their words are the ultimate signal for the last blow.
There are many times I've doubted myself before because I depended on my level of motivation to the number of reads and comments that I received. I experienced being restless every time I check the number of my followers and notifications. For extracting every idea you could get from your brain and for the stress and pressure writing brought to you, you might crave a simple gesture of appreciation from the world. And you don't, you might think that your efforts were put in vain.
Starting and ending are two things but maintaining the flow of the story in the middle is everything. That's why I want to share with all of you that writing is similar to creating a machine, program, or any type of craft. There shall be ingredients or materials that you need to have first before starting. More than physical items, what's important is to have the will to complete it and the boldness to accept what will it become.
And for you to have the will, inspiration and purpose are both required to co-exist. You can't take up the pen without the rush to put it into use while the words will be left empty if without purpose attached to them. Before anything else, these two should be discovered first. The weaker the foundation, the more unstable your ride will be. The stronger the foundation, the more relieving and satisfying the ride will be.
So as you can see, at the end of the day, it always depends on the writer's choices and objectives. It's up to us how will we wield the power of writing on our hands and how will we help in making the world better with it.
Remember, every power carries a responsibility and every choice has its consequences.
