~Bad Dreams~

Sympathy, Gas Stations and Bright Orange Jeeps

I explained everything to Andrew, and he just sat and listened, he was a good friend like that and I was happy he didn't ask questions, I don't think I could've taken that. When I finished I took a deep breath and gave him a sweet smile that I faked and secretly hoped he didn't notice, he looked at me sadly with sympathy in his eyes. I shook my head and shot him a look of annoyance, I didn't want his sympathy, I wasn't an abused puppy on the side of the street, I just needed someone to talk to. He got it and immediately changed his sympathetic eyes to a harder look but it still had just the right softness for me to know he cared. I leaned down and kissed me slightly on my temple and my heart literally jumped out of my chest, everyone knew I had a huge crush on him, well everyone except him. He rejected all the rumors like a piece of burnt toast, they still spread like a wild fire and every where I went with him I avoided people from school because I knew what they would ask, they always asked if we were dating, but I was immediately snapped out of my thoughts when he told me that I seemed nervous and asked if I was okay. The thump of my heart was at a quick pace and I was sure he could hear it "I, I am fine." His jawline clenched and I was going to tell him that I was okay really, another lie but I knew I couldn't do that to my best friend. "Fine, I am not okay I am really the exact opposite and I literally think I could just crawl in a hole and stay there forever. My family doesn't care that I want their support, and my mom is actually trying to be a mom now, and I don't know how to react. She stopped acting like a mom when I was like, I don't know maybe seven? I have taken care of myself all my life and now their is someone who cares and it's just weird, still even though she does care she won't ever care enough to follow me to church and try just for her daughter will she?" He didn't say no, but he didn't saw yes either. He just sat there with a sad look on his face, probably thinking of something that would comfort me. Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes and everything was turning into a blur, I blinked them back and wiped the underneath of my eyes, I brushed my hair out of my face and continued on "I didn't think so, I love mom and wanted this for so many years of my life but now that it's happening I don't know how to react, I have been the perfect daughter for so many years but I am never ever good enough. Why can't I be good enough?" I noticed I was gripping the hem of Andrews shirt and slowly let go of the now crinkled, red and soft fabric. "Sorry," I stammered and let my gaze drop from his gorgeous eyes to the clean, rubber bottom of the Jeep. He shook his head and tilted my chin up to meet those baby blue eyes again "I'm here for you Cece, you should know that by now." He came closer to me and hugged me as we sat in his running Jeep, "You're going to run out of gas if we don't get going." I mentioned pointing to the gas light that was beeping on and off. He smiled a wavering smile and chuckled along with me as he turned to face the wheel and backed out of my driveway. I swear I saw my light come on and then turn off, and I turned toward Andrew who was clearly not worried, but right when I was about to blame it on my imagination my dad comes darting out the front door and around the house, he looked sleep deprived but a bewildered look wasn't held back as he looked around and spotted the bright orange jeep in the darkness of the night. He pointed at it, and turned his head questioningly and then spotted me shooting me dirty looks as he ran up to the car, I gripped Andrews hand and uneasily said "Go." He nodded and quickly backed up the rest of the way and drove quickly down the street occasionally checking back to make sure my dad wasn't following us. He never did which I guess was somewhat I relief but at the same time, a part of my longed for my dad or mom to follow and call, or even a text would be nice. Yet nothing came, I wanted to blame it on bad cell service but inside I knew, he wasn't going to even mention it to mom, he didn't care if I died tonight he didn't care about anything. "What are you thinking about?" A familiar voice broke in to my thoughts "How my family doesn't care if I am here or if I am dead or alive or drunk or in a ditch or..." I trailed off as I realized I wasn't alone. "Sorry, I didn't mean to seem like that I just..." He nods quietly without a word but then blurts out "I get it." I snap my head to the side to stare at him as he pulls into the gas station "What is that supposed to mean?" He let out nervously "Nothing wrong." He jumps out of the jeep and starts to fill the tank, I folded my arms, what isn't he telling me? I get out of the other side and go inside the warm gas station, I grab some snacks including my favorite peanut butter M&M's and some warheads, along with two bags of cheeto's, and then walk through the sticky floor to the drinks. I open the cold doors and grab two cokes, but stand there for a minute, staring at the boy on the other side of the drink isle, trying to figure out who he is. He is very familiar yet new at the same time, his high cheek bones make his face that much more stand out-ish if that is even a word, his leather jacket and tight t-shirt show off his muscles and his helmet proves he is riding his motor cycle. That's when I knew exactly who he was, he turned around and the back of his helmet reads "Easton High." That's where we go to school...."Cianna! Come on!" Andrew screams across the store and the cashier jumps out of his seat a little and shoots a dirty look at him. I walk over to the cashier, eyeing the motorcycle dude and when I finally realize who it is, I gasp "It's Alex Sanders" I blurt out loud getting weird faces from everyone and then Alex who walks over to me and gives me a questioning look "Yes?" He asks smoothly without a single stutter, gosh I never noticed how cute he was. I snapped myself out of that horrid thought, he was the bad boy of the school, he is anything but nice. "Sorry, I was just trying to figure out who you were since you look so familiar and I remembered your name and well it just came out." I stuttered, it not coming out anywhere close to as smooth as his words. He nodded his head slowly as he chuckled along "So am I supposed to know you?" He spat out at me, I rolled my eyes "No. I just have watched you, I mean seen you around school." I replied tongue tied as I handed the cashier my money. "Great, now I have another stalker." He grabbed a bag of Doritos and put it on the counter next to my bag. "I didn't mean it like that, wait another? What is that supposed to mean?" I pushed him backwards a little as I grabbed my bags to leave but he caught my arm on the way out. "I was kidding when I said I didn't know you." He gave me a sincere look as if I might crumple any second if he didn't say that. I yanked my arm out of his grip "I figured." I opened the door and felt the cold air on my bare arms, as I walked back to the jeep. I threw the bag to Andrew as he quickly mentions "What was that all about?" He yanks the war heads and a bag of Cheetos out tipping his Coke over in the process. I catch it in mid air, feeling like a ninja, and hand it to him as he is in the process of opening his Cheetos bag, and stuffing a war head into his mouth making him pucker, I burst out laughing as he twists open the cap to his coke and taking a huge gulp. He makes an even uglier face and spits the war head out the window, "Terrible combination, don't try it." He pops a cheeto in his mouth, as I reply "I wasn't planning on it." Driving down the road I tell him what happened in the gas station. He has his annoying poker face on the entire time, I can never read his emotions, yet he can sure read mine. Not all of them thought, I look at the side of Andrews face longingly. He clears his throat, "That's it." He looks at me with creased eyebrows as we sit at the red light, and nods his head in agreement. My phone starts ringing making me jump and scramble to get it, hoping it's my parents I answer on the second ring, "Hello?" I answer hopefully, but frown when I get an unknown voice back "Hi, is this Cianna Hart?"