~Bad Dreams~

Stomach Knots, Teasing, and Apologies

I couldn't do it, maybe I shouldn't anyways. "Listen Brady, I think we need to talk." I could feel the knots in my stomach, and I felt like I was young to throw up any minute. "I know, I know. You don't want to talk to me but listen I am more sorry than you can imagine and I cannot live without you Cianna." I cut him off before I started crying "Brady that's not what I meant." I could feel my throat getting tighter, and I couldn't see anymore. The tears threatened to spill out so I stopped them before it could happen by wiping my eyes. "Listen Brady, I can't tell you this over the phone. I honestly don't know if I can tell you this in person but it's bad, really bad." He didn't say anything for a while, but when he did I had to hang up. "I am close by, like ten minutes away." I pressed end and had to restrain myself from throwing the phone up against the wall. I ran upstairs to scream but instead found myself in the bathroom throwing up. Once I was doing puking my guts out I went into my room and watched out the window until I couldn't stand it anymore and had to busy myself with something. I made my bed and took off the dirty sheets, as I made my way downstairs to throw them in the washing machine I heard a car pull up and I prayed it was my mom. I looked out the window and saw a car I didn't recognize. I knew it was Brady, I just didn't want it to be, and that's when he slowly got out of his car and it took all I had in my body not to run up to him and jump on him and hug him until he couldn't breath. He was having fun with his slow, dramatic entrance and it was killing me on the inside with every step. I hate him. He didn't bother to knock, just walked on in and it kind of shocked me because I stood there looking at him for a minute. "Why are you looking at me like that?" He murmured and then smiled a cheeky smile. Rolling my eyes I walked away from him, the smile reminded me of when we were little. "I know your not dumb enough to think you can just walk back into my life and me except it, and if you are, which wouldn't surprise me, then the answer is try again." He stood there shocked with his sandy blonde hair tousled in waves that frames his round face, Brady towered over me, so I guess he got my dad's genes because he is the splitting image of him. Sometimes it scares me, and I never realized how blue his eyes were until now. He slowly nods, "Should I go?" I shake my head though, and that point I knew he had made his way back into my life. I walk over to the couch and sit down and he plops himself down beside me. "I'm sorry you know." I nod slowly and reply "Do you have a place to stay tonight? You can sleep here, if you need to. Did you tell mom and dad yet? Were they mad?" He chuckled and shook his head "You ask a lot of questions Cianna. I have a hotel room for tonight but after that I don't have anywhere. I didn't tell mom and dad yet, but I can't imagine how mad they are going to be." He gets up scanning the living room pictures and furniture, almost everything. "Not much has changed, huh? Well, except the fact that our parents have taken down every picture of me and pretend they only have two children." My eyes widen a little at his statement and my throat constricts, "They do only have two kids." I hint and he turns around giving me a rude look. "Your so bipolar, I mean one minute your talking to me like I never left then the next your being just like mom and dad." I shake my head but can't force out any more than a simple "That's not what I meant." I pat the seat next to me, "Is everything okay, Cianna? What do you mean?" His eyes are wide and he is slowly walking to the seat next to me. Once he sits down the words just come tumbling out unevenly, "Danny died," I start "He was playing outside and I was throwing the ball with him, I threw it too hard into the road and I went to get it but he ran ahead. He didn't see the car flying down the road and when I screamed it was too late. I called 911, Brady I did but the car impact was too late for his little body." Tears were now sliding down my cheeks at a steady pace. "It's all my fault, I wish it was me Brady, I am so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen, I was j-just trying to be a good big s-sister and play ball with h-him." I stopped because the sobs were coming out of my body too quick to talk. Brady pulled me too his side and said "It's not your fault it's the drivers fault, do you even know who it was?" I shake my head and pull the hair off my drying cheeks. I look up to see a few tears sliding down Brady's cheeks and I start to cry again but harder, I manage to get out "I didn't mean to deprive you of the little brother you always wanted. I'm sorry. I am so so sorry. It shouldn't have happened, the driver was drunk." I slowly fell asleep while whispering apologies, I felt better but not as good as I would if Danny was still here.