Feeling Numb {Noiz X Aoba}

Beta

Trigger warning- description of abuse and implied sexual assault.

So I wrote this chapter from Noiz's point of view. I feel like there's not many of those. I also felt like Noiz's character would be kinda deep and thoughtful. Anyways I hope you enjoy it and leave a comment if you have any suggestions or concerns or just wanna say hi! <3 It would also mean a lot if you left s vote <33

<OKAY! Here's chapter 2!!! I hope you like it!>

"What's with all the black? You look like you're goin' to a funeral."

"Maybe I am."

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NOIZ POV

The next morning I found myself lying on an unfamiliar couch. My arm was wrapped around Aoba's bare body, his head resting on my chest. I blinked my eyes to try to adjust to the light. Everything was so bright. My head pounded like a dull drum. As I tried to remember last night, images scattered in my mind.

Aoba's bare body, the sound of his voice. The sound of my voice. The feeling of his hands on me. The taste of his lips on mine. The feel of his breath on me...My desire to touch every inch of him...

I couldn't remember everything clearly.

Aoba was nice and caring, and he's cute, which is a plus. I haven't met such a considerate guy in a long time. But, a part of me couldn't help but be suspicious. After this, we'll probably never see each other again.  Which was fine by me, I was used to these kinda things. No emotional attachment.

I gently pressed a kiss into Aoba's hair. He seemed to smell of a familiar scent that I couldn't place. It was sweet and comforting, making me feel safe.

I wanted to trust this guy. A stranger I just met, but also a stranger I really wanted to sleep with. I had to remind myself why trusting anyone is dangerous.

Trusting someone means you show them your vulnerabilities, your emotions. I've worked so hard on hiding them. I'd remember the words my father would use like a whip against me. The sharp swears followed by the sting of a slap, or the blunt blow of a kick. I remember trying to hold the tears back, using all my concentration on it, so much so that my eyes would burn and my head would feel like it was exploding. I remember the way my dad would look at me, his eyes boiling with hate and disgust. I could practically feel the cold cement floor I was forced to sleep on. The worst of my memories was when my dad would have friends over. They were always women. They'd get drunk, and find me downstairs. I remember thinking I could trust them, because they were girls. I thought they were trying to help, trying to comfort me...Then there hands would trail circles on my back, slowly moving down. Their long nails would leave an invisible trace down my chest and stomach, always moving lower until...

        I was twelve.

How could I trust anyone? Not even my own parents loved me. I didn't even love myself. I always had to prove to myself that I was strong. I always tested myself, building this great wall to block any emotion. In order to not feel pain, or to not get hurt, I had to not care. I had to not let my father's curses affect me. I had to stop feeling. Anything. Love, remorse, pain. All of it. I started by forcing the tears back, not allowing myself to cry. Then once I managed that, I started to convince myself that the pain I was feeling was nothing. Every kick or punch, I took it head on, lying to myself that it didn't hurt. Soon enough, I convinced myself that it didn't.

I was pleased with myself. But then I realized that I couldn't turn it off. I couldn't stop not feeling. I accepted it, thinking not feeling pain was worth not feeling joy, or love.

I hid those memories behind a wall. Not wanting to test it, I left it alone. I thought not feeling anything made me strong. Getting my body pierced felt like a kind of contract with myself. Proving I had over come pain.

I remember the only place I ever felt safe. I often ran from home, and a few houses down our neighbors had a garden. They never knew, but I recurrently hid among their honeysuckle plant. The sweet smell calmed me and I was able to escape my reality if only for a moment.

"N-Noiz??" A groggy voice gripped me tight, pulling me from my reverie. Aoba's face lifted up to mine, his light brown eyes focused on my face. I couldn't help but wonder what he saw. The piercings? The nonchalant facade I knew I always had? Or maybe nothing. After all that's what I saw myself as...

Aoba twined his slender fingers with mine. His face shining up at me.

I felt something odd in my chest.

I rested my head on Aoba, who was nestled against my neck. My head felt thick, and I still couldn't quite remember what had happened.

I took a moment to take in my surroundings. I couldn't remember getting here, or anything after my fifth drink. His flat was what you expect from a college student. His trash was full, and I could see clothes on the floor. Wait. As I looked closer I realized I saw my clothes on the floor. "Last night..."My voice felt odd, foreign in my ears. "Did we...?" I wanted to know for sure.

"U-uh no...we didn't...We only-um." I could feel the awkwardness in his tone, his eyes darting around his flat.

"Only jerked each other off?" I added, wanting to sound detached and emotionless.

A small, almost non existent smile reached my lips as his face reddened. His gaze avoiding mine.

Damn he was cute...

"Noiz, are you feeling okay? You drank a lot last night..." I could almost feel my heart skip a beat. Almost.

"Yeah. I'm fine. I don't drink, so I didn't know my limit."

"Really? You never go drinking with your friends? After classes or something?" Aoba's voice was like honey, filled with actual interest.

" I'm not in school." Was my only reply. I never dreamt of college cause I never knew if I'd survive that long.

"You're not? Have you already graduated college?" Aobas asked, his thumb trailing small circles on my hand.

"I'm only nineteen." His hand stopped. He looked up at my face, his eyes wide.

"WHAT? I would never have guessed you were that young! Wait...I should have asked before offering for drinks! I'm so sorry!" I could practically feel his face reddening.

"It's fine. I know I look older." I gripped his hand tighter, locking our fingers together.

"Hmm. H-Hey Noiz?" Aoba's soft voice broke the moment of silence.

"What is it?"

"It's just- well- D-Do you think you could maybe turn around?" His tawny eyes were lowered from my gaze, bashfully. A light rose crept upon his cheeks.

"Why?" I couldn't understand what he wanted.

"W-Well it's because I have to go to work...I'm working a double shift...And I'm not wearing anything..." I could feel his hand tightening around mine nervously.

Another half smile crept its way onto my lips.

"You should shower first..." I added, my voice husky and my free hand made its way around Aoba's body.

"Y-yes! I will! But- Please, would you turn away?" His voice was so sweet and pleading. With a grunt I turned my body to face away from him. I felt the warmth where he was laying slowly fade, followed by the sound of footsteps. Once I peeked over my shoulder he was gone. I could still smell him. It was sweet, and comforting. Making me feel safe. He smelt like honeysuckle...

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"This ones for your warden."

CAS