Study Girls (girlxgirl)

Chapter Nineteen- I Get To Know Lily Better

Was it perhaps a little too optimistic to have thought that Lily and I would start to get along by now, given that we had known each other for several months, and she had kissed me? 

Maybe so. 

At least it seemed that way, given the fact that Lily hadn't spoken to me since the whole me bringing up Zara debacle. 

I just wished there was a way for me to not put my foot in mouth syndrome into our conversations. 

I didn't want to be outcast from Lily's group of friends. 

Well, I knew that wouldn't happen, given that I was friends with many of Lily's friends. 

I just didn't know if she considered me one. At all. 

My mind flickered back to when Lily and I had spoken a while ago, and I remembered how she had said that I was her problem, and that we could never be friends. 

Maybe she had been right. 

Still, I really wished that didn't turn out to be the case. 

If there was one thing I hated more than anything, it was conflict, and yes, upon a little introspection I supposed that I was being slightly sensitive toward this whole thing, but could you blame me? 

I was just trying to be civil with her, but Lily's looks when she passed by me in the halls told me that she didn't feel the same. 

This was considering the few times that she even looked towards me at all, of course. 

At least I had my friends to tide me through this whole thing. 

A thing that I really wished wasn't a thing. 

It had never been within my intentions to go to university and find a girl that I started to crush on, but all the same, that had happened anyway. 

I just had to choose to crush on Lily Everett of all people, didn't I? 

The confident, slightly questionably impulsive, brave and fiery spirit who had made me question a lot about myself and the world around me. 

What's more, I hadn't even come out to my family yet, so you could imagine how I was feeling about that one, too. 

It wasn't that I was worried they wouldn't accept me. 

I knew my family well enough, and knew that they, my father especially, would accept me. 

Still, coming out was a scary thing, and I had only heard stories online and from other people. 

I had never had to go through this myself. 

Despite that, I knew who I was. 

I knew that I didn't feel anything for guys, they weren't what I liked. 

My brain just couldn't help but romanticize and grow curious about the girls I met. 

Well, that used to be the case, at least. 

It had never really set in for me just how much I liked women, until I started to like the one woman I should probably stay away from all together. 

Then again, she had a lot going on, and I had to accept that, too. 

I had to accept the fact that much like there were a lot of things that Lily didn't know about me, there was a lot that I didn't know about her, either. 

That was one of the reasons why I deeply wanted to make things up to her, so that the two of us could start to talk to one another again, and so that I could get to know her.