𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙧?

Chapter 3

Stretching my back, I rubbed my forehead and closed my eyes after cleaning the mess that was left in my room after Kisa had spent the night with me. The little tiger was about to start school up after the new year so I wanted to spend some time with her before she got too busy.

"What's wrong with you?" Mom asks as I search through our medicine cabinets.

"Headache."

"Just go see Hatori. You've never missed an opportunity to see him before." Mom responds as I wince in pain.

Most likely I'm just exhausted from Kisa staying with me. I love her to death, but she is a handful and I'm getting old. Besides, it would be unnecessary to go all the way to Hatori's house just for a headache. We probably have pain relievers somewhere around this house.

"Mom, just tell me where our painkillers are. Please?" I ask.

"We're out." She states, and I shoot a glare at her.

"Really?" My mother is so unbelievable, she's actually lying about us not having medicine so that I'll have to go see Hatori. Is she that desperate to get rid of me?

"Why the hell are you here, Natsu?" Hatori lets out an exasperated groan when he sees me at the door.

"Good doctor, I'm in need of medication." I sigh as he reluctantly lets me into the house. "I've had a massive headache since last night, and conveniently, we're out of painkillers. So I need some."

"And you came here why? Just sounds like you're being a small child who should drink more water and be a little more responsible with your self-care." Hatori states as I find his medicine cabinet.

"Very funny, I'll assure you that I keep up with my self-care. And unlike some people, I care about my appearance and how I present myself, in all forms." I scoff.

"Natsu, you are the devil herself. Coming into my house and then accusing me of having a problem. I swear you're so idiotic." He really does need to stop rolling his eyes, it can't be good for his skull. "And I do take care of myself, there are people who actually care about me and who would lose their heads if I didn't."

"Kana?" The name comes out of my mouth before I have the chance to think, and once I realize what I've said, I chew on my lip in regret.

"Why do you assume that she cares about me and I, her? Are you insecure and think that I'm in love with her? Because then you'd really have to be stupid." Yin and yang again, two opposing forces constantly fighting against each other. I say one thing, Hatori takes it wrong and starts an argument. He accuses me of something and I lose my shit at him. This is why we can never be together.

"Really? Because she looks at you like she does." His eyes grow dark, and Hatori sets is jaw. I've stepped over a line, I've nudged too hard. Under Hatori's layer of cold kindness, the dragon lurks in cruelty.

For as long as I've known Hatori, I've known that he shares a common trait with the rest of the Zodiacs. Despite all his effort to present himself as the gentleman doctor, Hatori has animalistic cruelty that seeps into his human nature. It's the power of the curse, and as his counterpart, I'm able to strike him and bring it up to the surface. It's happened before and ended with the two of us screaming at each other outside of the Main House after a New Year's Banquet. One of the family elders warned me to be careful with Hatori, she told me of a far more sinister side to the curse than anyone discusses. After that incident, I had been careful until now, one foolish mistake and Hatori's defenses were unraveled.

"What the hell do you know about being in love with someone? All you care about is yourself and your birthright, am I included in that? Do you get to have a say over who I talk to, who I love?" He snaps at me, forcing me to back up against the cabinet.

"Even if what you're saying is true, you have no right to say things like that about me." I can feel the flames of anger licking at my heart and mind.

"Don't I? You're the whole reason I'm in this fucking mess, Natsu. If you weren't born, if you weren't the stupid deer I wouldn't have to live like this! I can't have anything without you prowling around with your judgments and insecurities!" It's just like that New Year's Banquet, he's shouting at me again and I'm about to start sobbing. I can't do that, even if his words sting, I can't give him fuel.

"You think I want to be in love with you? I hate you more than you ever could imagine, Hatori Sohma. You get to live with your hatred and bitterness and I have to live with both. I couldn't give a shit what you do with Kana, marry her for all I care! But I hope you burn in hell afterward." I scream at him before snatching my stuff up and storming out of the room while he follows behind me.

"I'll be in hell right along with you. Don't think you're a goddamn saint." He's fuming, spitting from his mouth and swiping at my wrist.

"Let go of me, Hatori! I want to go home!" I shriek at him, which gets him to retract in shock.

I freeze in my tracks, my heart is slamming against my chest and my throat is singing in pain. "I hate you, and I hate that you forgot my birthday and that I can't be around you without you hating me! Do you think I like living like this?"

He stands in the hall, taken aback by my outburst. Grabbing my boots, I leave the house with my cold feet taking me through the snow until I've gotten far enough away from him that I can cry.

"Why can't I just shut up!" I sob into my hands on the cold stone bench I've sat on. "Why!"

Of course, Hatori hates me, why wouldn't he? Why wouldn't anyone? Maybe he's right, I'm a selfish, insecure, ass who's taking up space. Deep in the pocket of my coat, a handwritten note sits from five winters ago. I gosh it out and try to stop my tears from ruining the small paper that holds onto the memory of a time Hatori made me truly happy.

I've memorized the words on it, I know them by heart. The small poem is etched into my bones from a better time, they were given to me back when he actually cared about me.

Come, let's go
snow-viewing
til we're buried

My eyes blur from tears again and I shove the note back in my pocket, pushing away the now painful memories from that day. But I can't run from them, I remember the warmth, I remember him all too well. A shudder escapes my lips as a chill runs through my coat and I pull my cold feet into my boots. I'm wishing I could forget, but my heart throbs at the thought.

"I hate him, I hate him," I tell myself as I stand back up in the snow. "I hate him."

But things are never black and white, it's never just hate or love for me. Not with him.

Hatori

What happened with Natsu was the type of thing that keeps me up at night. It's going to kill me for days that I yelled at her, that I made her cry. Most likely, there's already a bruise forming from where I snatched her wrist. Most importantly, I can't believe she set me off so easily with few words.

It was like when I was twenty at that New Year's Banquet. She said something, I got mad, and we left the Banquet with voices raising. It was so cold that night, her face looked like a ghost, frozen and pale from screaming at me.

But this time, it's different than the Banquet
Does Natsu feel so threatened by Kana? No, do I feel threatened by Kana? By the threat she poses, the threat of loving someone, the threat of thawing. That's unacceptable, that's dangerous in this family.