𝙒𝙝𝙮 𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙥𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝘾𝙖𝙣 𝙃𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙧?

Chapter 8

"What happened the other day Natsu? I heard yelling, and then saw you bolt out of the house. What went down in there?" Momo asks, as we sit on the steps of the education building.

"Stuff." I pull out my textbook and start flipping through it. 

"It's obviously not just stuff, you look like you haven't slept since then." I don't tell her that I keep myself awake because I've been being plagued with nightmares. All of which seem to have the face of Akito screaming at me. 

"I'm fine. It's just schoolwork, that's all." I shrug, burying my nose in my book even further.

"If you ever need to talk about stuff, or you need help, I'm hear to help, you know that, right?" She asks.

"I know. And trust me, if I ever do need to talk to someone, it will be you." I lie to her. I couldn't even begin to tell her about the curse. I couldn't tell her about Hatori's hatred for me. I wouldn't even know where to start. 

I sit up in my bed, trying to keep doing schoolwork, but I can't seem to. The sleep I've failed to get in the past days, is catching up with me.

My eyes droop, but I try to stay awake. I mustn't let the nightmares com.....

I'm standing by a train track. The train whips by, leaving the hair on my neck stand up. On the other side of the train track, I can see Hatori standing. I want to be with him. Even though there is a train separating us, I can get to him.

My feet start running but when I reach the train, it all disappears. I'm now standing in a dark room, a young Akito is snarling things into me ears. "You've trapped him... in your selfish, selfish love."

I try to speak, to scream, but I can't. I keep opening up my mouth, but no noise is coming out. Akito laughs at me. This can't be happening, this can't be real.

Akito is gone, but I am still in the same room. I'm young now, fifteen once again. I can feel tears making their way down my face onto the floor. "It's not my fault." Someone says.

"It's not my fault." The girl's voice says again. Is it mine? "IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I DIDN'T ASK TO BE BORN!"

"It will always be your fault." A dragon growls at me.

The deer and the dragon, bound together for the rest of time. You will never find happiness without her, Hatori. The memories of Akito's cruel words, and of my crueler fate, seep into my mind. Cursed. Cursed by the deer's jealous love. Her selfish love.

Trapped. Trapped into something. But yet, I love it. Why won't he just except fate, and fall in love with me?

I snap awake. My whole body hurts realizing all that I've just tried to bury, all that I said and down. Why? Why did I used to think those things? Why did I simply believe Hatori would be with me? Of course he hates me. He'll always hate me. It might not be because of the curse simply existing. But because I loved it. I have trapped him into my selfish love. 

I wrap my arms around my legs, and bury my head into my knees. "This is all my fault. I need to do whatever I can, to fight against the curse. To break this, so Hatori can be happy. So he's not stuck, alone forever."

I look over at the picture I have on my bedside table, a picture of him. I am so obsessed with him? Am I so crazy, for this one guy, that he controls my whole life? That I have made my life, and his life, miserable?

I press my hands in my forehead. It feels like a train just ran over me. My whole body aches from some unknown pain. My mind is throbbing, trying to wrap it around the realization that I've been a total jerk.

I reach for the picture frame, and throw it too the ground. The glass shatters all over my floor, but it doesn't bother me. I'm so mad, about all of this. "I can't believe... " No. I can believe that I'd do that. I'm sure if it was Kana in my place, she'd love the idea of being eternally bound to Hatori. But, I am not Kana. I cannot let myself continue to do this. I can't bind Hatori in this selfish love I have for him.

I have to do everything in my power to break the curse. To free, not only him, but me, and everyone else from it. 

And if it means I die in the process, then that's what will happen. I have already done so much harm. I've stood by and let Akito hurt the members of the zodiac, I've been happy about the fact that Hatori could never find happiness. And I won't, I can't, do that again.  

I pick up a sharp shard of the glass, and start cutting away at my long hair.