The Story of Us (Book 1 of "The Story of Us" Series) [Completed]

Chapter 37 - Desperation

[November 2006]

Nick walked out of the bathroom in the guest room he had been staying in the past few mouths at AJ's house. After he saw Harley was there and what she said, he needed a shower. He felt dirty from being at the bar, but now he just felt dirty all over. He slipped off his towel, putting a pair of pajama pants on and climbed onto the bed.

He lay back, staring at the ceiling, watching the ceiling fan circulate slowly. He wondered what Harley and AJ were talking about. It had been at least thirty minutes since he walked out of the kitchen doorway. He wanted to go back, but knew that he shouldn't. She came there to talk to AJ, not him. He had to let AJ handle her. She didn't want him.

Knock knock...

"Is she gone?" Nick asked as the door opened slowly. He looked over, seeing Harley peek in. "I guess not," he said, putting his hands behind his head.

"Can I come in?" Harley asked as Nick didn't budge. She walked in, shutting the door behind her and grabbed a wooden chair that was at a small desk in the bedroom. "I didn't tell you about what else I learned because it didn't change anything," she said, sitting in the chair backwards, resting her arms on the back of the chair. She sat there, staring at Nick and saw him close his eyes. "It wasn't your fault, Nick. I know I blamed you that night, but it wasn't."

"I went three weeks with not knowing that she had died," Nick said softly. "I decided what I wanted in those three weeks, what I really wanted and I get out and she's gone. She was already in the ground and I didn't even know."

"I should have told you," Harley whispered, staring at him. "I tried to call, but I just couldn't tell you over the phone. I guess I wasn't ready to do it in person either at the time. I just... I wanted you to hurt as much as I hurt. But I tried, Nick. I tried to call. Every time they would answer at the clinic, I would hang up and start crying."

"Trust me, I hurt."

"I meant, not because of her dying, but because of everything else, I wanted you to hurt," she said as he turned his head to look at her. "I guess we both got hurt regardless, huh?"

"I wanted her," he finally said after a few seconds of awkward silence. "Yeah, it was scary at first and I was freaked out, but it pissed me off when you said that she was yours because I wanted her. I could have been a dick and asked you to get an abortion, but I didn't. I didn't want that... we made her, you know? Something good came out of us fucking around with one another."

"But were we ever just fucking around?" Harley asked as Nick closed his eyes. "We were together, Nick, just without the labels. You didn't think of me like some girl that you met at a bar. You were in love with me. You don't think I could tell it when we were together?"

"You don't think I could tell it with you, too?" he asked, opening his eyes and sitting up to look at her. "That night in New York... that first time after everything... that wasn't just horniness. You were just afraid of getting hurt again."

"And with good reason to," she whispered. "Look at what happened, Nick and it looks like you haven't stopped the excessive drinking. AJ told me about you've been feeling lately..."

"AJ needs to keep his fucking mouth shut."

"He's just worried about you."

"What about you?" he asked, staring at her. "Are you worried about me or do you just feel pitty on me now?"

"I'm worried about you because if you feel anything like I feel, then it's probably really shitty," she said as he closed his eyes, putting his hands over them. "What's wrong with you?" Nick shook his head, not saying anything. "Nick, just tell me."

"I keep having these chest pains," he said, moving his hands from his face. "Right in here," he said, rubbing his chest. "My chest just gets so tight and it almost takes my breath away and then hearing you say that about the baby downstairs.... It just freaked me out."

"You should go to a doctor," Harley said as Nick shook his head. "You do and you need to stop drinking like you do. You're killing yourself, Nick. Have you done anymore drugs?" He shook his head. "Just drinking?"

"I haven't done any blow or anything since the night I was arrested," he whispered. "I'm not addicted to that stuff. I can stop when I want to. Like the drinking, I can stop if I wanted to. It just takes away the pain sometimes."

"Like tonight?" she asked as he stared at her.

"Yeah, I went in for one quick drink before getting a Cab and coming back here after recording. Then I saw you and it all went to hell," he said as she looked away.

"Why is it that we can't have a normal relationship?" she asked, running her hands through her hair, moving it out of her face.

"Because we don't have normal lives," he whispered. "We've never had normal lives. We've never had a normal relationship. We probably never will. It's probably for the best that Ella didn't live. Deep down, we probably would have made her more fucked up than we are."

"Nick, don't say that..."

"It's true," he said, noticing that she was about to cry. "Listen, I didn't mean to make you cry," he said, crawling off the bed. He kneeled down in front of the chair, staring at her. "I just, I meant that we probably wouldn't have been able to give her the kind of life we wanted to give her. Look at us now. How would we have been if everything with fine with the baby and we stopped talking? It would be like my parents all over again, constantly arguing. I wouldn't want that for her."

"I know," Harley said, resting her forehead on the back of the chair. "Will you make me a promise?"

"How do you know I'll keep it?" he asked as she lifted her head and smiled at him.

"Because you're not dumb enough to make the same mistake twice, well, I take that back. You are, but you're not dumb enough to make it a third time," she said as he started to laugh a little. "Promise me that you'll go to the doctor."

"Harley, I'm clean..."

"I meant about your chest, the pain..."

"I don't know, Harley," Nick said, standing up and walking back towards the bed. He sat down, looking across at her. "Why should I promise you that I'll go to a doctor?"

Harley rubbed her eyes with her fingers, her makeup smearing but she couldn't help it. Her eyes were welling up again and she didn't want to start crying hysterically yet again. She blinked her eyes a few times, staring at Nick as he looked back at her.

"Why?" he asked.

"Because even though everything has happened, if I lost you, I'm not sure what I would do," she said as he smiled. "Don't smile at me like that," she said, cracking a smile herself. "It doesn't matter if I go off and marry Ben Affleck or Justin Timberlake..."

"Hey!" Nick protested, causing her to laugh.

"No matter what happens, you'll always be a part of me, Nick. I don't want anything to happen to you," she whispered.

"I'll go to the doctor," he said as she smiled. "For you, I'll go to the doctor."

"You promise?" she asked, standing up from the chair. "You promise me that you'll go." Nick stood up, nodding his head and she smiled again. "I'm holding you to it." She watched him as he walked closer to her and she sighed.

"Can I have just one thing before you leave?" he asked as she glared at him.

"It's my birthday," she said. "I believe I'm the one that's supposed to get the presents."

"Just one kiss," he whispered as she stared at him. "Just one kiss and I'll call and make an appointment with a doctor in Atlanta in the morning."

"Why Atlanta?"

"Brian's doctor... His heart doctor..."

"Oh, right," she said, looking down at his chest and back up, into his eyes.

"But I'm sure I know what he's going to tell me."

"What?"

"That I'm dying from a broken heart," he pouted as Harley started to laugh. "Just one, come on."

"Nick, that's not going to help anything," she said, staring at him. "We can't not talk for months after what happened and then fall into the same routine."

"I go to the doctor and then I get a kiss," he said as she rolled her eyes. "I'm sure it's just heartburn from that broken heart," he said, rubbing his hand on his chest.

"Fine, go to the doctor and you get a kiss, but I get to choose what kind of kiss," she said, pointing at him. He smiled, grabbing her hand and pulling her into a hug. At first she wasn't sure what to do until she realized how good it felt to have his arms around her again.

"I missed you, Harley," he whispered as she started to hug him back. "And I'm sorry I ruined your birthday."

"You didn't ruin it," she whispered as they backed away from the hug. "AJ has my new number. Let me know when you go to the doctor, okay?"

"Okay," Nick said as he watched Harley walk out of his room. He stood in the doorway, watching her as she made her way to the stairs.

She looked back, smiling at him as she made her way down the stairs slowly, wiping the tears from her eyes. She reached the end of the stairs and made her way back to the kitchen to see AJ still sitting at the table.

"I didn't hear any moaning or yelling so I took that as a good sign," AJ said as Harley rolled her eyes. "Harley, I love you, but don't get his hopes too high again because I don't know if I can help him if he gets hurt again."

"AJ, I haven't always done the hurting..."

"I know that, but I'm just warning you. I'll warn him too," he said as she grabbed her purse off the kitchen floor. "Did you talk to him about the doctor?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "He said he would call Brian's doctor in Atlanta tomorrow. He told me what it felt like and that's not normal, AJ."

"I'm glad you talked him into it..."

"I told him you had my new number so if he asks you for it, you can give it to him," she said as AJ stood up and they made their way to his front door. "I had the car wait for me outside so I'm sure the driver is probably asleep by now."

"You sure about giving him your number?" AJ asked as Harley nodded. She reached up, hugging him tightly and made her way out to her car where, like she said, her driver was asleep. AJ watched her knock on the window, waking him up and he unlocked the car for her to get in.

"She gone?" AJ heard Nick say as he shut the door and turned to look at him.

"Yeah... she had a car waiting for her outside."

"Give me her number," Nick said, holding his cell phone. He looked at AJ who laughed. "Seriously, give me her number, AJ. She said you could. I heard her tell you that you could."

"Here," AJ said, reaching in his pocket. He handed Nick his cell phone and Nick smiled. "I'm going to tell you like I told her, don't hurt her anymore. I told you that friends with benefits thing was going to end badly and neither of you listened to me."

"I know..."

"No one ever fucking listens to me..."

"I know, you're the Buddah of the Backstreet Boys," Nick said, handing AJ his cell phone back. "Thanks."

"What are you texting her?" AJ asked as Nick closed his eyes and smiled.

"Just back to the hotel," Harley told the driver as she leaned back, closing her eyes. She felt her phone vibrate and was sure it was Scarlett wondering where she was. She opened it, seeing it was from a number that she didn't recognize.

She opened the message and smiled.

happy bday forgot to wish u that b4 u left hope u got what u wished for

It was from Nick and deep down, Harley smiled. She did get her birthday wish.