COF 5: The Secret Race

24 | Memory (I)

2412, Crescin 10, Daleth

Ravalee tried blocking her ears to avoid looking back. Because if she did, she wasn't sure if she would be able to leave.

Cyrdel followed her, jogging to catch up even though she was trying her best to lose him through the throng of bustling ice sprites preparing for today's battle. She braced her hands on the wall as the floor shook and tilted. Whatever was happening on the upper floors, it wasn't good. All the more reason she should hurry and Cyrdel wasn't making it any easier.

"Ravalee!" He pushed past ice sprites who were now helping the wounded get to the two-hundred and sixth floor. The Grand Marshal wouldn't take chances and decreed that each and every wounded ice sprite must be brought to the very last floor to prepare for escape to the tunnels.

Ravalee's heart pounded knowing that the Ice Capital only had the one hundred and eighty-ninth floor to defend following their close defeat yesterday. The moment she saw more and more wounded ice sprites flood into the corridors, she berated herself because she's here. She's the one who could do something. Yet, she so selfishly wanted more time.

Death had never felt so terrifying when she's already at the face of it.

"Ravalee!" Cyrdel called again.

She willed it to stop. Please don't let her hear Cyrdel's voice. She didn't want to have anything to do with him. Because if she did, she would end up wishing for another day more. She would want him more and forsake her duty in the process.

She couldn't do that. Every minute she spent hesitating, one more ice sprite would fall in battle. She has to save what she could save. And Cyrdel...

This wasn't fair to the both of them. Ravalee knew that. Last she checked, fate wasn't fair to everyone that perished in this battle. The truth was because life rarely was.

"Ravalee!" Cyrdel's voice floated above the explosions above them.

She stopped in her tracks. Her fingers clenched by her sides. She didn't want to part with him under these terms but he left her no choice. Cyrdel stood in the middle of ice sprites zooming in and out of her vision when she turned. Faces blurred as movements became a quick whizz of ice blue between them. She only saw him—his face, his questioning eyes, his memories with her.

She saw only him.

"Ravalee," Cyrdel's chest was heaving from running after her.

She wasn't thinking. She ran and fell right into his embrace. Tears long ago held back broke free. No, she didn't want to go. She didn't want to die.. Cyrdel. She wanted him.

Cyrdel wrapped his arms around Ravalee's waist tighter like he had been doing the past few days. She stopped herself from sobbing any harder. If she let her emotions take over, she wouldn't ever stop.

"Why you, Ravalee?" Cyrdel said in her ear, his breath heavy on her skin. "Why does it have to be you? You don't deserve this."

Ravalee pulled away from Cyrdel and looked at his sandy brown eyes. This would probably be the last time she would ever get to stare into those warm pools. Oh, how many times had she taken this chance for granted. If she could go back in time, she would never look away from his eyes. She wouldn't look anywhere else.

She cupped his cheeks and tried her best to smile through her tears. "None of us deserve what's going on," she said.

Cyrdel leaned into her hand, tears now streaming down his face as well. The ice sprites wisely gave them a wide berth even when they're in the middle of the corridor. "Why do you have to be the one that undoes Xanthy's mistakes?" he asked.

"Choices," Ravalee whispered. "That's all we have. Xanthy chose what she did. I choose to do this. This is the only thing I can offer."

Cyrdel shook his head. "No, that's not true," he insisted. "You have other things to offer. Please. Not this."

Ravalee's heart had never been this heavy. In fact, this swirl of emotions in her chest was enough to overwhelm a regular thyminka. "We are in a war to save the island," she said. "So many people had already sacrificed everything."

"I want you to stay," Cyrdel's voice was close to pleading it tore through her whole being. Ravalee read a thousand other thoughts on his head that only made her cry harder. How in Umazure did they end up like this? So much remained unsaid and they didn't have enough time to say them all.

Ravalee laid her head on Cyrdel's shoulder. "I told you that we're living in borrowed time, years ago. She will reap her soul at any moment," she reminded him of the time they first kissed under the moonslight. "This is that moment. I must do my duty and give back what was never mine in the first place."

Cyrdel tightened his hold of her. That wasn't going to make her stay. She would still vanish from his grip. She had made her choice. She has to keep her duty. "Cyrdel?" she pulled away from him again.

Cyrdel's eyes searched hers for some sign that she wasn't doing what she was going to do. He wasn't going to find it. "Yes?"

"I love you," Ravalee whispered. "So much. I wish I got to tell you that more."

This time, Cyrdel smiled through his tears. "I love you too," he said. "Stay. Forget about your duty and the world for once."

"I can't," Ravalee's voice cracked through the huge lump blocking her throat. "You know I can't."

Cyrdel's smile crumpled. "Please," he pleaded. "Please. I can't live without you."

Ravale pressed two fingers on each hand against Cyrdel's temples. "You can," she said as softly as she could. "You can because you won't remember me."

Cyrdel's eyes widened when he realized what Ravalee had just said. "No," he whimpered. He tried fighting but Ravalee kept her grip strong. "Please. No."

Ravalee drew closer to Cyrdel. "This is the only way," Fresh tears escaped her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Cyrdel."

Before he could react, Ravalee pressed her lips to his for the last time. Goodbye, Cyr, she sent her thoughts to him. Promise me you'll live.

He couldn't and Ravalee understood that. She kissed him and continued doing so until the last traces of his memory of her vanished without a trace. Slowly, his grip on her loosened. It's for the best.

This was for the best.

Ravalee pushed Cyrdel away and used the throng of ice sprites to conceal her steps. She didn't fight the sob that escaped her lips as she took the nearest doorway that would take her to the chamber that would decide her fate. She left Cyrdel standing there with a void in his heart while not knowing what it was for. She wiped her tears and repeated a sentence to herself, over and over.

This was for the best.