Blood is thicker than water

Chapter 20

Adelina POV:

 One would think I would have a fear of all men. A very rational fear, it would be. I guess I wouldn't say I'm scared. I would rather say I get uncomfortable at times. Those times aren't as few and far between as I would have hoped. 

I don't like to talk about everything I'm not good at. I like to point out what I am good at instead. Being cool and calm on the exterior, distractions, avoiding the subject, numbness, sarcasm and facades are things I pride myself on. Whether it's a good or bad thing.

It's embarassing how bad I am at sleep, how I let emotions wreck me, how little control over my mind I have. The manic thoughts drown out the sane ones much too often but there's always one voice that refuses to give in to the tide. That strained thought is what keeps me standing when everything else sways. 

I haven't had the most horrible experience with men around my age. I wouldn't flinch at a raised hand or step forward so I don't understand why I would flinch at Francesco's raised arm the other week. Anyone who is middle-aged or older is a different story, but I think that's understandable.

It's practically intolerable to be near an older man, but that never applied to younger ones. So I don't know why living in a house with my supposed brothers has become overwhelming at times.

I've stayed out of their way recently and they've let me which I'm somewhat grateful for. I don't see anyone in the mornings usually so I end up skipping breakfast. Without fail, we've always had dinner together.

So now that I'm sitting at the table, I can't help but notice Raffaele's empty seat. No one's mentionned anything, probably left me out of it because no one's even questionned it. My plate is left untouched like I'm awaiting his arrival, which I partly am. 

I look around then down several times, not completely knowing what to do with myself before finally just sitting back. I watch everyone's conversation and start to realize how little I have in common with these people. They flaunt privileges without realizing it, it's not necessarily their fault but it just goes to show how different we were brought up. 

And I'm glad I was not brought up like this. 

My silence goes unnoticed for the most part, no one brings up that I'm not eating. I'm not sure whether I should be glad or pissed. Not pissed that they don't care, pissed that they pretended to.

"Would you like something else to eat, Adelina?" Angelo's voice interrupts my thoughts. 

"No thank you, this is fine," I reply quickly, it's not a lie. The food looks good.

"Then why haven't-"

"Hey, where's Raffaele?" I interrupt. 

They look at me with a sort of soft smile. Except Valerio.

"Still downstairs. He probably hasn't realized the time," Angelo says.

I nod.

"Do you mind going to get him?" Francesco asks me.

"I mean I'm pretty comfortable-"

"Shut up Valentino," Angelo laughs.

The boys' attention then turns to me. I hide a small grin at Valentino, who could probably make anyone laugh.

"Go," Domenico demands.

I look at him, taken aback "I don't think I heard a please,"

His jaw clenches and Valerio, who I sat next to, tenses and looks about ready to get up. He shifts slightly forward in his seat, imperceptibly. However, I see it.