𝙒𝙝𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙃𝙤𝙩 𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 - 𝐵.𝐸

17 - 𝘌𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘥 𝘈𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘤

The thick haze that blurred my days now, was confusing. I wasn't even surprised when I found myself in my room, not clearly remembering walking up or even opening the front door.

Time feels blended together. I can't remember if the last time I ate was an hour ago, yesterday morning or a few days ago. Showering was something I had to do at least twice a day or I felt disgusting almost like something was stopping me from doing a simple daily task. Now I can't even remember the last time I did.

The only thing I do remember however, is the fact that Billie hurt me. Whenever I had a problem I tried to remember that I was a very very small thing in the great never ending universe and that the problem was also small, but that doesn't seem to work anymore.

It was now Thursday almost one week from when hell went down on Halloween night. Thank god someone set flames to the school. I wouldn't have survived this week, not that I would have attended anyways.

The first few days I had cried all the tears I possibly could. Which now left my eyes red and dry. I can't cry another tear, though I've tried. Trying to cry myself to sleep doesn't work anymore, and that's what worries me.

It was when I didn't cry anymore, that I finally knew the love she had for me, fled away.

Now crying wasn't the only thing I did this week. I also spent hours upon hours on the bedroom floor thinking.

Thinking. Thinking. Thinking...

Not about how much Billie hurt me, but how much I need to know the truth. That's the thing about my brain, if i don't know the truth I don't know how I can move on to the future. Is the future still an option?

I hated that I still loved her.

I have never been this fooled in my life.

I sat in my chair at my desk staring at the purple wisteria flowers outside hanging from the tree. They were so beautiful, vibrant and full of life. Something I wish I was.

"Maddy...?" My mom's voice says as my door slowly opens a few inches.

"Oh sorry yeah?" I say sitting up on my bed a little.

"Billie called the house phone. She said her and your friends are going to see a movie at 8 if you wanted to join, but she said you're not answering your phone. I just told her you weren't feeling well. " She says leaning against my door.

I feel bad I hide the truth from her sometimes but how am I supposed to explain what's going on in my head to her?

"It's okay I think I will just skip this one." I say trying to smile.

"Okay well I hope you two solve it. I have to go into work for a bit so eat something soon okay sweetie?" She says sliding a fifty dollar bill on my dresser indicating to order some food later.

"Okay mom, thanks." I say as she gives me a pity smile and shuts my door softly.

I collapsed back into bed staring at my ceiling light and the shadows it casted along the walls.

I've been here for a few months and found a few clues but the one I still did not understand was something Scar said. When she told me about the girl with the flame tattoo she said girl not girls, as in only one girl.

Which one was it that bullied her?

Billie knew things about Scar only her friends and family knew but Alison's handwriting matches the suicide note.

But they both tried getting close to me.

Did they do it together?

The past few days I replayed every moment in my head from when I first arrived here and I remembered how weird Ali was when I was about to step foot in her room back when we had a sleepover all together. Why was she so jittery that night?