The Days With No Sun

Childhood

Do not preach to me about my youth.
Do not tell me how much you wish to be young again.
"If I was your age,"
You were my age

Do not tell me how to live my life.
When you have already lived yours.

I want to be young like I was like I should be.
You forced me to grow up faster then, you leaving us.
"I'll come back baby girl."
But only so you can visit your other brothers and sisters, right?

Do not tell me you want me to stay young.
Do not say you remember when I was small enough to fit in your arms.

But you seldom held me as a child.
You've seen prison walls longer then you saw me.
"I miss you, daughter."
What do you miss? You can't miss someone you never saw.

Father,
I have seen more pictures of you than you in person.
I have seen more of your other children then you in person.
I have grown up more than you did when you got my mother pregnant at 16.
I have known greater love in your brothers, my uncles, more than in you.
I have found more love in your baby mammas then in you.
But if you loved me. Why'd you leave me?

Do not tell me stories of your youth and how you wish you done better.
I know what you were doing before you began to do it.
I know how you got all that money to buy our love as kids.
I make my own money now and I have to send it to you cause no one else will.
So you can have essentials in jail.

Out in less than a year.
Should I be excited? Worried? Concerned even?
Where will you go?
What will you do?

I'm leaving town when I turn 18.
I don't care what it takes for me so I'm doing it.
I'm taking my baby sister with me if I have to and her brother. Or even just my younger brother. My cousin.

Any of my siblings who want a better life or need one but not if they're already fucking up.

I'm gone faster than you left when I turn 18.
I'm packing my shit and leaving.

I'm done here.