Secrets and Camera Flashes

Chapter 57

Dean and Jo share her bed again that night, which, as Dean suspects, leads to another private conversation behind closed doors.

Jo flops down on her bed, burying her face in her pillow. "He just doesn't get it!"

As frustrating as this must be to Jo, Dean has a feeling Cas has it worse. He knows Castiel isn't interested in her. He knows Castiel isn't interested in anyone. He's closeted; he's not looking for a partner. But he can't explain that to Jo without outing him, and though he would do a lot to make his friend feel better, he draws the line there.

He sits down on the edge of the bed and pats her on the back. "I'm sorry."

"Has he said anything to you?" Jo asks, though it's obvious in her tone that she's not expecting much.

"Not really," Dean says. He racks his brain for some sort of happy medium that will make it easier for both of them. He wishes he could just tell her that he said he's not interested, but he doesn't want to admit that he told Castiel that Jo was into him. That type of rejection would be humiliating -- possibly even more so because she wasn't there to face it herself.

"Charlie said you two were talking about 'guy things' earlier," Jo says. "Anything come out of that?"

That must have been when she left to get cookies. Castiel was right: she's really not subtle. He does appreciate that they got time alone, though. It did seem to help things between them, not that this does anything for Jo.

"Not really," Dean says. "He did say that he and Charlie aren't together, but you already know that."

"And I think that's a good thing," Jo says, "but at the same time, that doesn't help if he's not into me. And every time I try to hint that I want something more, he doesn't even notice. I mean, first he offered you to bed and took the floor and then he turned what I was hoping would be some quality time watching TV into a whole party..."

Dean lets out a long breath. "I'm sorry. I know this isn't how you pictured this going." It's not how he pictured it, either, honestly.

"I just don't know what to do," Jo mumbles. "I really like him, you know? And he's just... oblivious."

After a moment of hesitation and running through all the ways this could go wrong, Dean says a tentative, "Maybe you should just tell him."

"But I don't think he likes me the same way," Jo says. "Not yet, anyway. And if I tell him I like him, what if that ruins any chance of him changing his mind? I mean, we're going to be fake-dating for at least another few months. There's always a chance something more comes of that, right?"

Dean sighs. "I don't know. I guess." Obviously he knows that's not going to work, but he can't tell her that. He was hoping she would tell Castiel how she feels so that maybe Castiel would have the choice to come out to her, too, but that won't work if she won't tell him herself.

Jo rolls over to look at him. "Thank you."

Dean cocks an eyebrow. "What for?" He hasn't really done anything — or, at least, not anything that she knows about.

"Dealing with me," she replies. "I know I'm being annoying. I just... I really, really like him, and I couldn't ask for a better wingman."

Dean forces a smile. If she knew the whole story, she might change her mind on that. He wishes he could make this easier on Jo. He wishes he could tell her that it's hopeless but that it's not her fault. And, honestly, in any other situation, that's what he would do. Jo is his best friend. He would betray pretty much anyone's trust in pretty much any way to make her feel better. That just doesn't extend to outing people.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the house, Castiel and Charlie are having their own private conversation on the couch.

"So?" Charlie asks eagerly. "How'd things go with Dean?"

Castiel sighs. "I don't know. I mean, he's being really good about everything. He's not freaked out. He's not avoiding me. He's not preaching that God is going to cast my soul into Hell for my sins."

Charlie stifles a laugh at that one.

"And he's not trying to get me to tell anyone else, either," Castiel adds, "which some people could stand to learn."

Charlie bounces her eyebrows.

"I mean, he's doing everything right," Castiel says. "There's nothing I wish he did. There's nothing I wish he didn't do."

"Except be gay," Charlie adds. "You wish he would be gay."

Castiel ignores that. "I still wish I hadn't come out. I don't even know why I did. I guess it's just because I like him — and don't comment on that —"

Charlie mimes zipping her lips.

"And I wasn't expecting him to feel the same way," Castiel continues. "As much as I'd like an easy hookup, I knew it wasn't going to happen. I just didn't want him to be mad at me 'cause I was kind of being a little bitch so I came out, and now..."

"And now Dean doesn't think you're a little bitch," Charlie reminds him. "So I think that's a fair trade, right?"

Castiel sighs. "I don't know. I guess. Logically, at least, I think everything's fine, but I still don't like it."

"Well, it'll all work out in the end," Charlie says. "Once you and Jo are on opposite sides of the continent, everything will be fine."

"I guess," Castiel says. "I won't have to see him anymore, which will be nice. I think it'll be easier to talk to him without, you know, seeing his face. And it'll suck sharing my apartment in Toronto with Jo on-and-off for a few weeks, but there are two beds so at least it's not like we have to share a bed, and she'll be going back and forth to LA so I'll still get some 'me' time. It'll all be fine."

Charlie raises an eyebrow. "Are you trying to convince me or to convince yourself?"

Castiel sighs. "Can we just go back a year, when Jo just was a friend and costar and Dean was just some guy I'd met once or twice?"

"Unfortunately, I don't have a TARDIS nearby," Charlie says. "Just relax, okay? You just gotta get through the next couple days and then you're out of here. Then you get to work on our favorite show of all time and maybe even save it. Then you'll be done with Wayward — unless you get to stay — and you'll be able to get out of this stupid PR relationship and you can start fresh. It'll be like this chapter of your life never happened."

"That's even worse," Castiel says. "I like everyone here. I don't want to pretend they never existed."

"If you like them so much, talk to them, then," Charlie suggests. "Go make more friends."

"But I don't want to do that, either."

Charlie rolls her eyes. "You're just a walking contradiction, huh?"

Castiel drops his head on her shoulder. "A confused, miserable, walking contradiction."