Under a Silent Moon

25

Chapter Twenty-Five: We All Have Our Demons

LANA

When my eyes open, I immediately roll over to bury my face in the pillow. The light shining through my window has never been more blinding, I swear. As my body starts to wake up with me, I become painfully aware of the throbbing headache that sounds like drums in my ears.

The first thing I do is grab a drink of water from the bathroom and splash some on my face as well. My reflection tells me I haven't showered in some time due to smeared mascara and greasy, tangled hair. I run the water and hop in.

In the shower, I become acutely aware of several facts: Mom slapped me, I skipped school, and Zack was here.

All three of those things feel like they could have happened either three hours or three days ago. Padding back to my room, I can hear Mom fumbling around downstairs. I slip quietly through my door, still possessing no urge to interact with her.

It's three o'clock which means Amanda will be home any minute to remind me that she told all of her friends what an alcoholic I am. I am simply not in the mood, so I make sure to lock the door behind me.

Sitting cross-legged on my bed, body and hair wrapped in purple towels, my phone suddenly vibrates with an incoming video call.

I press accept and hold my breath as Zack's face brightens my screen.

"Wow, you look good with purple hair," is the first thing he says.

I relax my shoulders, trying not to appear so tense. "I just needed a change, you know?" I say, flipping my "hair" over my shoulder.

"How are you feeling?"

I cradle my head in my free hand and say, "Like shit. I'm so sorry for whatever I said to you earlier."

"So you remember I was there? Wasn't sure. You were pretty rough."

"Rough's a good way to describe it." A pause. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

"We all have our demons." He's trying to be lighthearted, but I can tell he means it. "So, I wanted to come over after school but my dad has me volunteering for some charity his company is donating to. But I've sent some of my recruits to your house in a meager attempt to cheer you up."

Looking down at my half-naked attire, I say in a panic, "Who's coming?"

"Get dressed, they should be there any second now." I jump out of bed and head straight to my closet, still holding Zack's video call in my left hand.

"Okay, okay," I say, rummaging through some clothes. As I comb through my closet, the towel covering my body comes loose and falls to the floor.

I almost forget Zack's still on the other line until he says, "Woahhhh."

"Shit!" I yelp, dropping my phone on the hardwood. After I secure the towel once again, I pick my uninjured cell up to find Zack laughing like a hyena.

"Put some clothes on you heathen."

I tug on a pair of jeans and a hoodie just as I hear footsteps stampeding up the stairs. A second later, there's fervent knocking on my door.

"Who is it?" I ask, approaching cautiously.

"The Big Bad Wolf," Sebastian replies in his deepest voice.

I laugh and let him and Carly in. Carly's lugging around a bag filled with stuff that she promptly empties onto my bed. We gather around, Zack still on video call yelling for me to "pick him up."

"I knew you weren't going to be feeling that great today, so I told your pals about our encounter earlier," he says as Carly begins to pick up each item at a time, displaying it to me as if we were on a game show.

"Ibuprofen, bottled water, sunglasses . . ." she prattles off the list.

I start to rummage through the pile of drug store purchases. One of the items catches my eye. It's a necklace with a tiny gold star as the pendant, strung on a thin golden chain.

"Does this also prevent hangovers?" I ask the group, holding the piece of jewelry in front of me.

"Oh, that's from me," Zack says and I hold the phone in front of me to hear his explanation. "When I saw the star, I thought, 'Wow, that's almost as pretty as Lana,' so I immediately wanted to get it for you. But I just didn't know what occasion I should present it to you. Then at school today, the casting for the musical was announced and I heard you got a leading role."

My mouth drops open and I look to Carly for confirmation. She nods happily and says, "You got the dual role as Peggy and Maria Reynolds."

"And you?" I ask, holding my breath.

"Angelica!"

"Ah!" we scream together. After our fit of excitement dies down, I suddenly become solemn and say, "I wish I would have been there with you when they announced it."

Carly and Sebastian exchange a look that I can't read. Before they can say anything to me, Zack interludes.

"You're as bright of a star as the ones in the sky, Lana. And someday we're going to help you to realize that."

I smile, holding the necklace close. After a moment of appreciative silence, Sebastian interrupts with a dramatic "Aweeeee!"

I thank Zack and we hang up. My friends and I organize the remainder of the items and set them on my desk. I tell them they surely didn't have to do such a nice, unexpected gesture, but that I'm grateful for their thoughtfulness.

"It was Zack's idea, we just did his bidding," Carly tells me.

"But we did want to come here and talk to you," Sebastian says, more serious. The three of us take a seat back on my bed and Sebastian clears his throat before continuing. "You know we joke around a lot, but I need to be honest with you. Zack told us what was in your journal. And before you get pissed at him, just know that it was only because of his concern. We're concerned too, Lana."

He pauses, carefully choosing the right words to continue. Next to me, Carly's eyes are tearing up.

"When I was nine, I knew I was gay. I didn't tell anyone else, I didn't feel like I could. Nobody else would understand. They would judge me, make fun of me. Not that that wasn't already happening. But the only way that I was able to understand and accept myself was reaching out and talking to a professional."

I look down at the necklace still sitting in my palm, stroke its edges with my thumb.

"I'm not trying to compare my homosexuality with your depression, Lana. But what I want you to see is that everyone struggles with something, we all just suffer in different ways. And some ways require more help than just a comforting word and a good night's sleep."

"Sebastian wants you to meet with his therapist," Carly adds, taking my hand in hers. "She's really good and has honestly helped Sebastian. I know you're not always the best at helping yourself, so if you won't do it for you, will you at least give it a try for your best friends?"

When I don't initially respond, Sebastian says, "You deserve better than to stay trapped in your own head."

I cringe at the word deserve. I'm not really sure if any of us truly deserves anything in this life, some of us just get dealt a better hand than others. But as always, I'm resolved to the empathy of my favorite humans. I squeeze Carly's hand gently and say, "Yeah, I'll try."

The night ends with tears and hugs and I swear to God I've never felt this loved in my life.

I secure the little golden star around my neck, resting it gently on my chest. I'm pretty sure I'll never take it off.