Under a Silent Moon

32

Chapter Thirty-Two: Eternal Sunshine

ZACK

I've been on many trips in my seventeen years, both with family and friends, but I have to say this trip has been the most fun I've had in a long time. Being with Lana and her friends just feels . . . right. They're chill, but also fun. I feel like I can be myself without facing judgement. It's liberating, really.

We head to the biggest roller coaster in the joint at the rear of the park. As we walk happily under eternal sunshine, I drape my arm over Lana and pull her close so that our hips bump each other.

Sebastian attempts to mimic my gesture, trapping little Carly into a headlock as he admiringly strokes her hair, messing it up. She struggles out of his embrace and fastens her hair into a ponytail, sunglasses askew on her nose.

To passerbys, we probably appear to be a normal group of teenagers on a weekend getaway. They can't see the sadness that Lana bleeds into her notebooks. They can't detect the stench of death on my lips. Life is so fragile, fleeting. Any moment of grace we can steal is one to be cherished. I recognize that now more than ever, with a genuinely beautiful soul at my side.

As we're waiting in line for a ride, suddenly Lana is nervous. She grinds a pebble into the cement with her boot, and I ask her what's up.

"It's just--this is a park. There's a lot of kids here. What if someone gets hurt . . . ?" She doesn't need to finish her question.

I glance around, having only minimally considered that scenario. "I think there's enough distractions here for me that the urge wouldn't be as overwhelming." I eye Carly and Sebastian in front of us, but it doesn't appear as if either of them are eavesdropping on our conversation.

Lana chews on her bottom lip, and I tell her not to worry unless that situation arises. I don't want my bullshit problems to get in the way of us enjoying our Saturday.

Five hours later, we are sweating and exhausted. Lucky for me, bloodshed was not a factor in our day of fun. Only cheerful screaming, adrenaline, and lemonade. It's honestly the most freeing I've felt in a long time. Despite having to dress heavier than the weather required, I didn't have to hide today. It was okay that people saw me. I haven't been seen in so long. Not before Lana, at least.

On our way out of the park, Sebastian insists we make a pit stop at Taco Bell before returning home. You can tell Sebastian is a man who enjoys his food, so he receives no push back from me or the other passengers. Carly does make a comment, however, about how consuming vast amounts of saturated fats can lead to high cholesterol, blood clots, weight gain, and even death.

"If the Lord takes me with a burrito in my hand, I'll die happy," is all Sebastian has to say about that. He pats his protruding stomach as Lana chuckles next to me.

We get our food and eat in Carly's parked car, sunburnt and content. As Sebaastian shoves a second quesadilla into his mouth, he announces an outrageous idea:

"We should all get tattoos."

Lana nearly chokes on her nachos.

I don't know why, but I expect Carly to protest. Instead, she finishes chewing her taco and says "That's not a half-bad idea. I've always wanted a little one on my foot."

"You don't strike me as a tattoo guy," I tell Sebastian from the back seat.

He cocks his head to face me. "Why, because I'm a flamer?"

I almost cringe at the word. Homophobic terms are in my friends' vocabularies, but not usually mine. "No," I respond levelly, "Because in the bathroom earlier your belt buckle pinched your stomach hair and you yelped like a kicked puppy."