When Liv faced a loss that would rewrite her entire life, she stepped away from her work. A year and a half later, she returns to the BAU in search of normalcy; so she can finally move on. On a new team, Liv is immediately thrown into the game of ca...
Oops! Questa immagine non segue le nostre linee guida sui contenuti. Per continuare la pubblicazione, provare a rimuoverlo o caricare un altro.
✺✺✺
More than anything, she wanted to sleep.
Something in the medicine they had pumping through her was making her eyelids weigh a thousand pounds, and more than she wanted to feel like she could breathe again, she wanted the doctors to keep their hands to themselves so she could get just a little bit of shuteye.
One thing surpassed her annoyance with all the hands that touched her. The fact that with every breath she drew, it felt like a shallow, pitiful excuse of an inhale. She was gasping for life at best.
"Her lung's collapsed, prep for a chest tube."
Could they at least not talk quieter? Whether it be from distortion or the fact her senses were completely overloaded, every word they spoke seemed to bounce around in the walls of her head endlessly, one after the other.
Liv didn't have time to debate the reasons for her discomfort, not when the excruciating pain came from somewhere on her ribs, feeling like she was being stuck with something. She understood what was happening when she could finally breathe again.
"Olivia, we'll be at the hospital soon, you're gonna be alright." She wasn't sure where the voice was coming from, or the face behind it, but she imagined herself nodding back in return.
How had she gotten here? Why was it suddenly so hard to remember? Liv tried to list off the things that she could recall, feeling so scattered she wasn't sure if she would ever be in her right mind again. Water, the lake. The slowness that came with trying to bound through the thick, crystal surface. A voice; many of them, but the only one she could place was Morgan's.
And then suddenly, she had been underwater. For a split second underneath it, before any diluted blood clouded her view, or any strong hands dragged her back to air, it was really nice. As fleeting as the moment was, Liv had been completely ignorant to the circumstances she found herself in, and the only thing she could focus on was the light dancing on the waters surface. Noise was muffled down there, and her whole body was soaking in the cool sensation of the lake. She was floating.
Then she was ripped away from such peace, and now she was letting her eyes fall shut despite the protests of those around her. She wanted to reassure them, if the words were able to ever leave her. No, I'm not going to sleep. I just want to rest my eyes. I just need rest.
Despite her attempts to hold true to her promise, it was merely seconds before she succumbed to the call of sleep.
✺✺✺
The waiting room was silent, only being disturbed at the occasional creak of a chair or another drawn out sigh of discomfort. Reid was persistently tapping his foot against the linoleum floor.
No one spoke for awhile, waiting as the doctors assessed all of Liv's injuries and the extent of internal damage. Morgan pressed his head against the wall behind him, eyes watching Hotch with unwavering attention, wondering when his hard shell would finally crack. Every one could feel it coming on. Until it did, he sat still in his chair, staring across the room at a strange looking painting hung, as if to make it not as painfully clear that the attention behind his eyes had vanished. It was when Morgan's thoughts had strayed to getting a cup of coffee that Hotch spoke.
"Olivia is trying to leave the team."
Everyone's eyes were on him now, taking in his words.
"For good?" Morgan questioned in return.
"For good. She wants an internal transfer back to her old team."
The silence was thick between his words, like the whole room had stopped breathing. Reid's foot no longer tapped away, growing still as he contemplated with a scowl.
Morgan seemed to be the one asking the questions they were all wondering. "When is her last case?"
Hotch downcast his eyes. "Miles City." Morgan furrowed his brow in confusion. "The case before this."
"What made her come on this case?"
Hotch finally looked over at him, even though the whole room was waiting for his response. "I did."
Morgan's face fell at his words, understanding the weight of what they meant. Hotch looked back to the floor, like the linoleum had an answer, or a sedative for his guilt.
But no matter what he did, he couldn't escape the consuming feeling.
The people I love will always get hurt because of the decisions I make.
He intertwined his fingers, staring only at the floor, yet knowing others were casting him looks of concern or question. He had done it again; someone he loved had gotten hurt, again, because of him.
And what was he going to do?
Now that she was trying to leave, and the universe almost just made so happen without giving him the chance to interject, and he was pushed into the corner he had been denying for weeks now.
I can't protect anybody.
No, he was the reason she had been here. Because he was too far in his attempt of denial that he pushed her even further. She had come because he asked her too, not because it was what she wanted. There was no way in his mind that he could paint it differently; it was his fault.
A doctor approached them from the hall, and suddenly he was on his feet, looking expectantly at the woman as he waited for any news.
"Olivia is going into surgery to help repair the large puncture her in her lung. Besides that and some trauma to the internal tissue, no other major arteries or organs were damaged. She'll still be pretty out of it because of the drugs we're giving her for her pain when you guys see her afterwards, but she should starting waking up a little more within the next few hours."
Relief washed over Hotch, nearly sapping it out of his body. Though not all of it was taken away at the news of her safety. What if she blames me? What if she hates me?
He already felt weighed down as it was with guilt and self-loathing, but to hear it from her? She already wanted to leave the team. The last thing he wanted to admit was that he may have just given her the perfect reason to.
"Hotch?"
Morgan's voice broke him out of a daze, and when he came to again, the doctor was already gone. Hotch's eyes snapped to him in suddenness, obviously trying to clear his head of his own selfish thoughts.
Morgan's voice started again, and this time, it was accompanied with the warmth of a hand on Hotch's shoulder. "She's going to be okay, man."
Yes. She was going to be okay.
He talked himself down off the edge with every passing moment. He didn't have to suffer again; this had only been a close call. She was okay. He pushed away the idea of what it would be like if she wasn't. That looming deathly weight of grief wasn't going to help him in gathering himself together. It would help him in another way, however.
It inspired the thought. She was okay. She was okay. So what was he going to do about it?
✺✺✺
Guys! What's up?! We are nearing the conclusion of this story, which feels weird. Still got a couple chapters though! I'm actually going to put out another update within the next two days or so, so it won't be very long. Tell me what y'all are thinkin!
