From My Dreams

Chapter 4

That was it.

Hayley woke up with a jolt, gasping for air and sweat clinging onto her sweatshirt. She breathed heavily, trying to get a grip on it. She brushed her fingers through her hair and held her head as if to keep it from exploding. She closed her eyes and brought her breathing to a rhythm. 

"That did not happen. That did not happen. That did not happen."

She felt sick to her stomach. Her mouth was dry and she was terrified. Fear was running through her veins, maybe adrenaline was getting to her. She ran from her bed to the washroom, not caring about the table that she bumped into and switched the shower on.

Hayley leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, letting the shower get to her. She did not care that the water was ruining her favourite sweatpants. She pulled her knees closer to her chest and hugged it. Her shoulders started to shake as she placed her head on her knees to help her through.

She let herself cry it out.

"No...."

Hayley wondered if that really happened. It felt so real that it couldn't have not happened. But if it had, then it would have meant that the man had sacrificed himself to save her. He would have let go of her because that would have meant giving her a chance to save her.

I'll find you.

"It felt so real," she mumbled.

She let go of her knees and composed her thoughts together. It couldn't have happened. But the way she was feeling was real. She was grieving a person that only existed in her mind, in her dreams. There was no way that this could get to her so much.

She remembered what her psychologist had told her to do when her dreams got too real for her to accept. "It will only get real if you allow it to."

Is that what Hayley wanted? That she wanted her mysterious dreams to come true? Did she want to meet the man that she kept seeing?

It will only get real if you allow it to.

Her breathing slowed down. Opening her eyes, she reached forward to shut off the shower. The water stopped running and silence took over instead. The water drained out and she sat there, shivering. Slowly, Hayley stood up carefully. She remembered falling down on the deck and did not want to go through that again. She took a towel from the cupboard and switched the heater on. She got her thoughts compiled together and then changed into some dry clothes.

She was breathing.

It was a dream.

It was a dream.

And only a dream.

She sat by the heater and got her hands warmed up. After some time of clear thinking and convincing herself that it had only been a dream and nothing more, she made a cup of hot chocolate for herself.

It was autumn and she had had a nightmare. Hot chocolate was in for real.

"I'm fine," she reminded herself. "I'm fine."

But then, she wasn't.

There were soft thuds against the windows that made her jerk her head towards it.

"No," she whispered.

It was raining.

She stood up, once again trying not to trip even by accident. She sat by the sill by the window and watched the water pitter patter against the window. She placed her hand on the glass and stared at her reflection.

She gulped.

It was only a dream and nothing more. Until she allowed it to be more.