Ruination

11. Breaking Again

-The past storms are the heaviest-

Sila

I was at that depreciating spot again. The sense of Deja Vu was intense, as Eliyas dropped me in front of Kingston Inc and then screeched off, driving into the darkness of the empty streets. The air felt chilled and lonesome.  

Abandoned...dumped...

I watched as his car disappeared around the corner, the horn blaring loud in the air, and soon turned into a distant sound. It was quiet again. The street turned light and audible.

Standing on the steps of the Kingston Inc, I rubbed my shoulders in an awkward, drained and depressed manner and just stared at the corner behind which Eliyas' car had zoomed off. My shoulders were slumped. There was a sense of numbness, shock...

The shops and stores around me were still open. There were people busy with their businesses. No one was truly paying attention to the broken girl who had been ruthlessly dumped onto the streets. This was the city life. No one had time. 

Wounded by mental scars, I then sighed and looked up at the changing clouds...my thoughts so far away, a rather sombre, serious and sad expression on my face. I felt quiet, defeated. 

I was at that spot again. I was that girl again who had been ruthlessly dumped by a man that was supposed to be her shield. It was a reminder of the promises he had broken, how I had to fight to forget that phase, and yet here, I was again...alone on the streets.

There was a dream that I had once yearned with so much passion; to fall in love, to be wanted so purely and strongly by someone that made me forget my insecurities. Yet, all love ever did was remind me of my insecurities, entrap me in the brutal side of the streets. 

To love, to lose...to hate him so much that one day I would manage to love my scars...

I had read about the victims of toxic relations; girls become prey to criminals. Stories of women destroyed by their husbands always made me wonder about the choices. The choice to love and beak. I was breaking. 

Personalities change...we give our naivety, our laughs to people who don't even deserve it. I was the love of his life until he decided that I was unlovable, that my love could be turned into liquid cash.

The noise and glamour of the city life sizzled around me, and I watched the shining mood with a deep sense of despair. I was on that road again. The lonely road...the terrifying road.  It felt like a huge storm had blown my way, and I was just standing...alone, so devastatingly alone.

I missed my home,  the time when I was so sweetly wrapped in the dose of naivety and shelter. I knew nothing about the world, and that ignorance was bliss. Now, someone declared as a shield by our society, had screeched away, leaving me so unprotected and fragile on the streets.

My husband would sell me.

The traumatic experience, the shock of being a battered and lonely victim...I would become a victim of my choices. Mine; because crooks hunt and prey upon their victims. I was the one who had made this game easy for them. The disgusting praise of Don, and how Eliyas had actually made me sit before that man was so disgusting and heartwrenching. I was actually hating my own strength for not being able to do anything about it. 

Shoulders slumped, with deep mourning and defeated feeling rushing through my veins, I sighed audibly until a hand grabbed my shoulder from behind. 

"Let's go home." The voice was quiet, serious and understanding.

 Maryam.

IIn my moments of pure loneliness, defeat and heartbreak, she was here. When I was feeling so empty...missing my home, I had been offered someone who was seemed as light in the midst of darkness.