Ode To Thoughts ✓

goodbye

Trigger Warning; mention of sexual abuse
*Without context of where this is coming from, and why I wrote it, it may be difficult to understand. So for that my apologizes, because this was written for no one else but me and the person I'll eventually share this with. I hope at least.

I don't think anyone knows pain until someone you love gets up and walks away

I didn't even get to say goodbye and now you decide to walk out of my life
without any explanation as to why?

all of the things done for you and you can't even say goodbye

you're supposed to care
at least that's what you said,
so we're you lying?
Because now you view us all as figments of your imaginations
as if we are dead.

as if we're not alive
as if we're not real
as if I haven't being standing by your side throughout this entire time
or at least watching as your life plays out while I was put on the sidelines

but I wish I could've at least gotten a goodbye

a heads up saying "oh yeah by the way I'm leaving to live a new life"

a life that doesn't include anyone who cares
or anyone who has a spine to look us in the eyes
people who will never tell us what they really say behind our back to people I thought I could trust
"people I trust" meaning you.

all the shit they've made up conspiring against the only sane people in your life

but not in their eyes, right?

because their lies are justified with false realities and dignified pride

in-cohesive stories and black and white lines

that everything happening to us
is just gods demise

because of our choices
and how we chose to live our lives

they decided to pick a fight thinking that they're right

Unfortunately for them I choose to fight on my own time

and I refuse to be hurt by the people
who would gladly destroy my life

because honestly
how could people like that
be given an ounce of our time?

So goodbye. I hope you have fun raising your daughter with the people I despise

And I hope you tell your "father"
I hope, honestly, he dies
before he is given the chance to ruin yet another life

I hope your daughters life isn't ruined
just as he ruined yours
but the way he is, you can never be too sure.

he may just end up molesting her too,
but that I'm afraid, would be on you

I'm glad you didn't come and see me before you walked out of my life

that way
you couldn't see me cry

because I know
these past few years have been a lie

if it wasn't
you wouldn't have left without saying goodbye

now I know I may never hear your voice ever again—or at least not until somebody meets their end

I think you've taken all of us on a spin.

and I don't know how we'll get over this again

because once more
you've done this before

never again
and never 'once more'
because enough is enough

I never got to say goodbye
but I'm glad you never came by

because I don't think I could've looked you in the eyes
knowing how much you've changed
and how sick you became

thank you for sparing me that, at least.

I guess this is my closure, and the opportunity to say goodbye because I wasn't given the chance

I hope to see you again
but based on how you left
I don't think you plan ever plan on seeing me, your sister—ever again.

So goodbye,
and cheers to your new fucked up life.

I love you too.

10/29/2021