✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

48. My Self Control

We chatted for a little while after Ffrances had left, but we didn't have that much to talk about. We could share our opinions on some of MK's comics, but Ffrances had introduced each of us to the series and storylines she thought we would appreciate the most, and there was relatively little overlap. If I wanted to ask Tess what she thought about some detail, there was a good chance she hadn't even come across those characters yet. And so that conversation fizzled out quickly.

She went up to her room to do homework, and I went to the little office next to my bedroom, where I could read some of my favourite stories in peace. There was no new chapter of The Baby Button, which surprised me. But there was more of Mommy's Little Devil, which was always a fun read. I finished off that, and checked for new messages on the boards. There was more than enough conversation there to keep me occupied for an hour, occasionally interleaved with moments listening to the sound of a flute from Tess's room. And then I did something that no conscientious employee should ever do: I signed in to check my work email from home. And there was a new message for me, from one of my other clients.

It took me a few seconds after reading to realise how central the Claughton contract had become to my life. I was an account manager for other contracts, but almost overnight they had become "other clients". Somewhere in my subconscious, it seemed like I wasn't taking them as seriously as I should. The email turned out to be from Mr Shimatoyou, my opposite number at a firm whose name I had never been able to pronounce correctly even with it written down in front of me. And he wanted to discuss something with me as soon as possible. He suggested a time, which I immediately knew I would have to decline. The difference in time zones meant it would be after midnight. But a few seconds later I thought again. There was nothing to stop me claiming the time as requested out-of-hours working. One of the reasons that an overtime request would be automatically accepted was if a client specifically requested that time.

After replying to say that I could speak to Shimatoyou tonight, I felt like I had done enough work for tonight. I entered the appointment on my calendar, and signed out of the SYL system. Then I went through to my bedroom, and found exactly what I had expected. A small stack of comics next to my bed; a gift to keep me entertained when we couldn't spend the night together. Today I smiled, and took them downstairs so I could sit back in my big recliner while I read.

I had finished the comics before midnight, and resorted to channel surfing to pass the time. I couldn't find anything particularly interesting to watch, but it was easy enough to pass time. Just when I was wondering if this late-night meeting had been a good idea after all, there was a gentle tap on the door and Tess came in from the kitchen. She must have come downstairs to get her flask; I hadn't added anything tonight, so she would just be drinking chilled tea. With all the health benefits it supposedly had, although I wasn't entirely sure what those were supposed to be.

"Get all your work done?" I asked. Just making small-talk really. I remembered her music, and complimented that as well. But there was clearly something on her mind; something that she was finding it difficult to say. I tried to coax it out of her, being trusting and supportive. I didn't trease her at all, and made no suggestions about what a baby she was. But eventually, she got to the point. She wanted me to say the trigger phrase, to protect her from wetting the bed.

I was ready to tell her she was going to have an accident. I felt that she deserved it, after the way she had treated me when I'd been too young to defend myself. But I also knew that she wasn't going to trust the hypnosis if it was used too often. She'd asked Ffrances to help her with a suggestion to help her control her accidents. If she wet the bed two nights in a row after that, she would start to get suspicious,m and I couldn't allow that. So I restrained myself. My second thought was to give her what she had asked for. It would prove to her that it worked, and that was sure to increase her willingness to be hypnotised again. If I kept on allowing her to stay dry when she asked, I might even persuade her that she should ask Ffrances to strengthen the trigger.

But I didn't. Not right away. I had to play this slowly, if it was going to turn out for the best in the long run. More than anything else, I needed Tess to trust me. To believe in me.

"She said you'd asked for help," I explained. "but not much detail. There's a trigger phrase, isn't there?" So with that understanding reinforced in her mind, Tess explained to me exactly what the trigger was. That was the important thing. She was telling me; implicitly giving me permission to use it. And at the same time, she was convincing herself that I didn't already know. That would make it easier, because she didn't mention that there was a trigger to make her have an accident too. If she thought I didn't know it, she would never suspect that I might have said it.

"Okay," I said. "You are not going to wet your bed tonight. Is that it?"

She didn't know. She didn't know if it had to be the exact wording. So I said it again, making sure to phrase it how she had advised me. I told her that she wouldn't have an accident, and then I repeated it saying her name first. She thanked me, and went to bed. I smiled after her, hoping that a single success would make it that much easier to come to me in future.