✅ My Cousin's Keeper [NaNoWriMo 2021]

81. My Step Back

It wasn't long before we were waiting for Tess to come home again. It took an hour to drive to the airport, and I'd expected to be sitting alone in a coffee shop for another hour until her flight got in. But as it worked out, Ffrances had the day off and was climbing the walls, eager for a chance to get out of town. She offered to come pick Tess up herself, but I said I needed to see my little. So here we were, waiting for the plane, sipping overpriced latte out of paper cups.

I wondered how this was going to work out. I had been expecting I would be the only one here, but things hadn't quite gone according to plan. I couldn't say no to my Mistress, but there was a reason I hoped she would be resting at home, maybe listening to her hypnotic recording one more time.

I wanted to know how Tess's triggers were working. It was something I'd been thinking about for a while, but had never found a real opportunity to test it. The trigger, as I understood it, conditioned Tess to have an accident when we told her to. But we had originally discussed it as a way to avoid bedwetting, so I didn't know if she would recognise it as the trigger if I told her to wet herself during the day. I'd thought about trying it several times, but always been too nervous. About the only experiment I'd been able to perform was telling her that she would have an accident in surprise if that little creep Spike kissed her or tried to molest her. Signs were positive there; she'd shown no sign of having heard the instruction; exactly the same as when she wanted help to wet the bed. But I had no way of knowing whether it had just not worked, or if she was so caught up in the image of him being a friend that it didn't register when he touched her inappropriately.

I needed a real test, one that I could be sure of the results of. So in our last conversation on XV the day before, when I'd double-checked the flight times, I had given her a very clear instruction. She would be surprised, so she wouldn't realise I had tried the trigger. And she would still feel like an adult, because I didn't think it would be appropriate for her to be in a little headspace with so many strangers around. I didn't want to attract the attention of security; I didn't want her to feel vulnerable. A small child travelling along was suspicious already. But I'd told her clearly that she would have an accident after getting off the plane. And she had been dismissive, saying nothing in response. Another positive sign. I'd thought that now I would know for sure. If she had wet pants when I met her it would be obvious. If she somehow managed to duck away and get changed before I saw her, she would still have to do laundry when she got home, and I was sure I would be able to check. This was something I needed to know, because it would make a big difference to the celebration we were planning for her. Sure, the trigger might be able to achieve the desired results, but I needed to know for sure.

Now that Ffrances was here as well, I would be hoping that Tess could find somewhere to change before we saw her. So long as the evidence was still there when I looked, I could learn the truth without my girlfriend finding out. If our baby showed up with a wet spot on her pants, I had no idea what I could say. Consent was no defence for using an embarrassing trigger in a public place; Tess should have known better than to ask, and I should have refused without a second thought. How could I justify it? Could I convince Ffrances that this was something Tess had decided to do on her own, without my input?

Yes, I concluded, and smiled to myself. Yes I could.

"She'll be glad to be home," I chuckled.

"Yeah. I bet she'll miss her parents though."

"And her sister. I think she mentioned they were both there this year. But when I checked, she seemed really eager to get back. Said she can't wait to get back to her headspace. Guess she missed it more than we thought."

"It can be very refreshing. I'd like to try it more too."

"Right. It appeals to everyone. She'll be looking forward to another wet night, I bet. She's had to be a big girl all the time she was away. Now that she's used to it, I think she might miss feeling little as well. I mean... I know she was saying things about how she could enjoy losing control as a separate thing, and I don't really understand that, but I hope she'll be ready to be fully little again."