Keep me safe

Some nightmares are real...

(bold and italics are thoughts, underlines are pov and setting.)

TW: sleep paralysis (only for a second) Anxiety, depression.

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Morgan's pov

I have been avoiding Jason for days. No, not just Jason... I have been avoiding everyone. I haven't seen them in a week or so. Luca hasn't been back to class either. The days are long and I just feel like lying in bed. The police's have sent out another statement saying they are getting close to catching the criminals. I'm worried that they are wrong... or that they are right. I still can't decide.

It's only been a week of class and I have already started to fall behind. It's getting worse day by day. I don't want to talk to them but, I don't know how much longer I can do this. With everything that happened with those murders and just everything else. It's too much. Julia has called countless times but I just don't have the energy to call her back. I can't keep lying to her. But I don't know what to say
It's not just about the murders...  it was his birthday today..

I miss him so much it hurts. I thought I was fine, and I honestly was but these past few weeks have fucked with my anxiety and I feel it creeping in again. The guilt. The fear. I don't wanna tell them because they already think I'm going to break. I just want it to go away.

I lay in bed with the covers over my head. If I can just sleep then I won't have to think about it. I turn on a movie and just focus on my breathing. In 1234, Hold 1234567, Exhale 12345678. Repeat. 1234, 12345... 

I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I know I am shivering awake. The window was left open. I go to sit up but I can't move... and then I see him. My heart starts to race. I stare at his shoes; he is standing right next to my window. The outline of his body shows in the moonlight. I can't move; I can't breathe. I see his face, he was so scared. His lip was quivering and he was crying. Red stains his shirt dripping down off his body onto the floor. I can almost see his hands reaching for me. I can almost hear his voice calling me... 'sissy?'.

"NO!" I finally am able to move, I spring up from bed to turn on the lamp but when I look.. he's not there. I gasp for air, trying not to have a panic attack. But I can't stop it. I sob into my hands trying to stop my trembling body.

I finally have the strength to pull my phone from the nightstand and call Julia. It may be 3 am but I know she would never let me down. And she doesn't. After 2 rings she picks up.

"Moe?"

  "J-Julia..." My voice is shaky and my eyes gloss over.

"Moe... what's wrong?" I stare at my window my throat is closing and my body starts to shake. I cry uncontrollably into the phone. "Oh my god Morgan I'm coming right now! It's okay! Just breathe for me okay? I'm on my way."

Julia is breathing heavy and trying to get me to say anything. I can hear her keys in the background and her getting into her car. It's a short drive considering our buildings are only 5 minutes from each other.

"I saw-w... I-I-I... I s-saw him..."

Julia takes a deep breath and calms down. "I am coming Moe... It's okay."

It's not even 10 minutes later before she is opening my door with her spare key and running to find me balled up in my bed sobbing. Julia holds me tightly in her arms. I cry myself to sleep and whenever I woke up, she would be right there telling me I was okay. Julia is one of the only people who knows exactly how I am feeling and knows what I need. My other friends understand and can do their best to comfort me but, in this situation, I am blessed to have her. Unlike Jason, Julia doesn't make me forget, but she makes me remember why my pain is important. She lets me know that it's okay to feel this way and that I don't have to hide it from her. She knows all about my past... better than anyone. It feels good to finally let go. All the stress of these last few days, not being able to talk to anyone, and bottling everything up inside was killing me.